WarriorWorrier
by thousand-miles
Summary: With Red gone, Lizzie starts a new life, but it's been hard without Red. A year later Red makes his presence known to Lizzie and they try to find their way back to each other. A Lizzington fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Warrior/Worrier**

**Author: thousand-miles**

**Rating: T (if it turns to M I will give you fair warning)**

**Spoilers: I started this one in S1 so S1 for sure and a bit of S2 also I think.**

**Summary: With Red gone, Lizzie started a new life, but it's been hard without Red. A year later Red makes his presence known to Lizzie and they try to find their way back to each other. A Lizzington ****fic of course. **

**A/N: First and for most my thanks goes out to my wonderful friend Sarah. She's been with me on this long ride, but without her this wouldn't be what it is. This is going to be a long ride. I've written 44 chapters already and it is still not finished. This is a AU fic. This started in S1 and then I use some bits and pieces of S2 but like I said it is AU. Reviews are truly appreciated it. No flames please. English is not my native language so there could be some grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy. No promises on the frequency of updates. **

**Chapter one**

It has been almost a year now since she had left it all. She didn't want to live in the city where she'd worked because that held too many memories, good and bad. In the beginning she'd stayed indoors. Her days were spent drinking herself into oblivion. She just wanted to forget it all.

The first few months were still a blur to her. She'd slept and drank a lot. She'd hardly ate anything, losing more weight than she could afford to.

It was only a few months since that she'd started going into a small town nearby. Nobody knew her and she liked that. She also liked the house that she lived in. It was on the beach and her closest neighbour was far enough away that she couldn't see them.

Every morning she went for a walk on the beach with Jethro, her Great Dane. It was Jethro, who she'd recently adopted from the kennel in town, that helped her back on her feet again. She didn't feel quite so alone anymore, and he made sure she got out of her house to take him on walks. In the short time he'd been with her, he'd become her trusted companion and her best friend. He was only a year old and still very playful, and she liked that. He made her smile, something she hadn't done in a long time. And when she was sad, he put his head on her lap and comforted her.

Divorcing Tom was nothing compared to living without Red. It is said that you never know what you have until it's gone. It was true. Not having Red in her life hit her so hard that it surprised her. She hadn't known how much she'd cared for him until that fateful day. She'd taken his death hard and felt lost. After divorcing Tom, Red had been there to catch her whenever she felt herself fall. He became the one person she could rely on, but before she even had time to think how she felt about him or how he felt about her, he'd been taken away from her. They had never explored what could have been, but her heart felt the loss like they'd spent years together.

She was still unsure about what had happened. She still remembered that day. She had walked into the post office and she'd just taken her place at her desk, when Ressler had ran in. "It's Reddington", he'd said and ran out again. She'd quickly grabbed her coat and ran after him. They'd arrived at an abandoned warehouse. Inside they found Dembe unconscious and shot in the leg. There was no one else there, but there had been quite a lot of blood that wasn't Dembe's. They all assumed it was Red's, and they also assumed whomever had shot Dembe was the one who'd captured Red. But it was when Dembe had regained consciousness and he uttered the words that still haunted her at night, her world had crumbled. I was too late to save him. He's gone.

They searched for Red that day and every day after that for about a month. But it was no use. Of course, without a body there was still a chance Red was alive, but Dembe had been certain. He had seen Red's lifeless body. She didn't doubt Dembe, he obviously mourned the loss of his friend and boss. She hated that she'd never had the chance to say goodbye. For her father she'd had a funeral and given him the goodbye he deserved. Red deserved that too and she needed it, but everybody had gone on with their lives as if nothing had happened, everyone except her. For her the world had turned upside down.

After two months the post office had been shut down; the unit had split up. Meera had gone back to the CIA. Ressler was sent to work undercover and Aram had left the FBI, saying he wanted a less dangerous job.

She'd only spoken with Dembe one time after the shooting. It was just before he'd left. He'd given her some of Red's personal belongings then gave her his phone number. If she needed him she could call him and he would be there. He'd given her Red's watch, which she wore every day, one of his hats, which had a place on the mantle piece and Dembe had also given her the pen she'd stabbed him with. Apparently Red had kept it. It caused her to smile; it was something Red would do.

Shortly after Dembe's departure she'd left too. The FBI had given her a more than generous compensation for her services. Her father had left her a small house on the beach, which she'd considered selling, but was glad she hadn't. In a way it was comforting to be in her father's house. It held good memories for her. When her father had passed away Red had told her to share the memories and she had done so with him. Now she didn't have anyone to share her memories of Red with. Sometimes she was afraid of the memories. But then at night the memories would be so vivid that the pain hit her all over again. In the harsh light of day, she wasn't always sure what was real and what wasn't. It confused her and the mornings she woke up from those vivid dreams, she always felt worse, the pain even more apparent.

Though she liked the secluded life she was living, she was lonely. She'd cut ties with everyone and no one knew where she was. It had been a very deliberate choice. She didn't want anyone to see her in the poor state she was in. She'd considered calling Dembe. After all he was the only one whom she could talk about the loss she felt. But she didn't want to bother him. Dembe had probably moved on with his life. Something she should do too but didn't seem to be able to. At least she was making progress. She was getting out again and Jethro helped her fight off the loneliness, but she was also afraid. Afraid of what was to come. In a few days it would be the one-year mark of the fateful day and she dreaded it. She was afraid of a relapse. She knew there would be one, but she didn't know if it would overwhelm her life again and it scared her.

After a few hours of sleep that night, which for Liz was a sign of improvement, she walked out of her kitchen and onto her porch with a cup of coffee in hand with Jethro following after her. As she leaned against the porch, Jethro sat down besides her and together they watched the tide roll in and out over the sand. After finishing her coffee, she locked her house and walked along the beach. Jethro ran ahead of her, barking loudly, heading towards the water.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and thanks to all the follows. Also many thanks to my beta Sarah. Time to introduce Red.**

**Chapter two**

From a distance he watched her walk over the beach with her new companion. He'd been watching her for a while now. When he'd first seen her after so many months away his breath had caught in his throat. She was still as beautiful as he remembered.

Sometimes he found himself reaching out to touch her like he used to; his hand on the small of her back, their hands brushing when they walked side by side. Knowing they were near each other again seemed to settle the disquiet in his body and soul. He wondered what it would feel like to be near her again, to look into her beautiful eyes again, to feel her presence again. There would be a peace within him again and his heart would finally start to heal.

It had been hard leaving her behind, but it was necessary. His adversary had gotten too close and had threatened the people closest to him. So he'd faked his own death. He had grieved for her like a lover lost, when in truth they had never gotten to that point. In the beginning he hadn't been able to keep an eye on her because he had to make sure nobody knew he was still alive. The isolation he'd lived in had gotten to him more than he'd expected. In these last few years he'd apparently gotten more used to those few companions around him than he'd realized.

For the first time he'd felt alone. And in those moments of loneliness, he longed the most for Lizzie. He wondered what she would be doing, sometimes even wondered if she thought of him. His need to protect her was strong, stronger than before and the fact that he couldn't, made him feel like a failure. Failing Lizzie was something he never thought possible; but he had.

He was afraid of how she was going to respond to his presence. From what he'd seen of her so far she was still going through a tough time. Though ever since she'd gotten the dog she seemed to be doing a bit better, but she looked thin, too thin and it worried him. She wasn't taking care of herself. It took all of his willpower to not step up and take care of her, but he knew he couldn't, he had to tread carefully. He wondered if he was the sole reason for Lizzie's current state. Maybe he was giving his presence in her life too much credit. Maybe he did so because he didn't like to think that faking his death hadn't meant anything to her.

In those lonely nights in isolation he'd dreamed of her. She always needed him in his dreams and she always disappeared just as he reached her. It was at that point that he would wake with his breath caught in his throat and always feeling that slight panic of not knowing what had happened to her.

After he knew his enemies were sure of his demise, he'd carefully started looking for her again. She hadn't been difficult to find. He'd been surprised she'd left the FBI. He thought she'd maybe joined a BAU team, because she was an excellent profiler, but she'd left it all behind. He remembered the house Lizzie was living in at the moment. He'd visited Sam there once when Lizzie had only just joined the FBI. Sam had shared his worries with him and he'd assured his friend he would keep her safe. He hadn't kept his promise to Sam; he'd brought danger into her life. He'd failed Sam, himself and most importantly he'd failed Lizzie. He'd failed the most important person in his life. He relived that pain and guilt every day. It made him feel insecure. A feeling that was somewhat unfamiliar to him. It had even made him question his search for her. She was probably better off without him. Surely she didn't want to remember all that had happened at the post office, didn't want to remember the problems he'd brought into her life. He also wanted her to be happy and he knew she'd be happier without him. She deserved a husband who loved her and made her happy. She deserved a family. She deserved everything she could ever wish for. He wanted it all for Lizzie, but what it came down to for him, was the simple fact that he didn't want to live without her. He needed to be with her. If that meant dealing with her rejection of him, then he would, but at least he wouldn't live in what ifs, maybes and might-have-beens.

Just after he'd realized he needed Lizzie in his life, Angela had reached out to him. She needed him and he'd promised Angela also that he would be there for her when she needed him. As luck would have it, Angela lived in the same town where Lizzie was now living. He could help Angela out and keep an eye on Lizzie.

In a couple of days it would be the one-year mark of his staged death. He didn't quite know yet if he should watch her from a distance to see how she would handle that day, or if he should make his presence known to her before that. Lizzie always had the ability to surprise him, but having been without her for almost a year made her unpredictable to him. He realized that no matter how carefully he planned his next move, she would still surprise him. It was best to make his presence known to her.

He watched how the Great Dane ran up to her and almost ran her over. He could hear her joyful laughter, which caused him to smile and it warmed his heart. He wanted to join her on the beach and hold her in his arms and tell her he was never going to leave her again. He shook his head. She made him feel things he didn't think he would feel again. She made his body ache. She made him realize that his life was more beautiful with her in it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That old saying was certainly true for him; he wanted her and he needed her.

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for the reviews and thanks to all the follows. Also many thanks to my beta Sarah. And so they meet.

**Chapter three**

Today, one year ago, was the day that she lost him and her world had turned upside down. It was the day she'd dreaded the entire week. A day she just wanted to survive and forget. She'd decided that besides the necessary walks with Jethro she was going to stay in her house. At first she'd told herself she wasn't going to drink any alcohol, but she knew she wasn't going to keep that promise. The alcohol would help her forget the memories and dull the pain. She'd hardly slept so she decided to get up. Jethro, who was usually very excited when she got up, was quiet. He sensed his boss' mood. She got dressed in some sweatpants and a large sweater. Though the weather was nice and warm these days, the early mornings were still chilly. With Jethro by her side she left her home and started their daily walk.

He was on the beach already. Knowing Lizzie like he did, even if it had been a year since he'd seen her, he knew she'd be up by the break of dawn. He saw her walk with her dog. Her shoulders slumped, she held her head down and didn't even look at the dog. The dog was unusually quiet too and he guessed he'd picked up on his owner's mood. He saw her sit down on the beach, her knees drawn up against her chest. She put her head on her knees and after a few minutes he saw her body starting to tremor. He felt his heart constrict. He had caused her this pain. This was his fault. He'd never wanted to hurt her but knew he had hurt her the most with his faked death. She looked so broken. He wanted to heal her, he wanted her to heal him. He needed them to heal together. He left her on the beach. He had to go back to Angela. After that he would come back to her and would make his presence known.

It was later than he'd planned when he arrived outside of Lizzie's house. He took a deep breath. He was nervous. It had been so long he'd been near her. He had to prepare himself for the rush of feelings it would cause within him. He had to prepare for her anger and rejection. But he would fight for her. He would persevere because they needed each other. As he approached the house he heard the dog barking. As he reached the first step to get on the porch he saw the door open. His breath caught in his throat. The dog came out first and spotted him immediately. He bared his teeth and growled but kept his distance. Lizzie stumbled out of her door, not as steady on her feet as usual because of the alcohol.

"Jethro." Jethro hardly ever growled and she didn't understand why he was doing so now. She opened the door further and turned her back for a moment to close her door. Jethro kept growling and started barking also. Lizzie turned around and was ready to reprimand her dog when she saw a figure on her porch. It was a familiar figure. It was a man that couldn't be here. It was the man that haunted her nightmares and left a hole in her heart. She took a step back and leaned against the door. Her mind had decided to play a painful trick on her, making her believe that he was back with her again.

Red watched her and saw the disbelief and tears in her eyes. He was thrilled to finally be near her again but her appearance shocked him. She was thinner than he'd thought she'd be. Her eyes were dull and it was obvious she wasn't sleeping well.

"Hello Lizzie." It felt good to finally say her name again.

"No." She said, shaking her head. No, this wasn't true. He wasn't here. This wasn't real. This was the alcohol playing tricks on her. "No." She said again, her voice shaky this time. "You're not real." She couldn't handle this. She turned around, opened the door and walked inside again.

He wanted to follow her immediately but couldn't. The big dog was blocking his path and was still baring his teeth. He had to make friends with the dog first. Carefully and making sure his posture was non threatening he took a step closer. He held is hand low and out with his palm up. He waited for the dog to approach and sniff him which he did after a few seconds. The dog sniffed his leg then walked around him before pushing his head against his hand. It was safe for him to go after his Lizzie. He patted the dog on his head. "Let's see how your girl is, huh." The dog barked his agreement and followed him into the house.

The house was dark and he wanted to turn on the light, but decided against it. He needed a moment for his eyes to adjust and then walked further into the house. Following the dog through the kitchen he walked into what appeared to be the living room. The room would probably be nice and light with beautiful views onto the sea if the curtains hadn't been drawn. He found her there pacing back and forth.

"No, no, no." Lizzie said as she saw him walk into her living room with Jethro. "You are not real." She shook her head and tapped her head with her finger. "Why?" She asked herself. Why was her mind doing this to her? Wasn't she in enough pain already? She reached for the bottle on the coffee table. She couldn't deal with this.

"I think you've had enough." He said. He closed the distance between them and grabbed the bottle from her hands. She started shaking again and he saw the tears rolling down her face. "Sweetheart." He whispered. The anguish in his voice apparent. He hated himself for doing this to her.

He took hold of her shoulders and pulled her into him, but she resisted. She pushed him away. Her whole body was shaking now and she stumbled towards the couch. But Red was quickly by her side again and took her in his arms. She started punching his chest with her fists but her attempts were weak. All strength had already left her body. After a few more weak punches she gave up. She laid her forehead against his chest and gave in to the body wrecking sobs.

"Don't do this to me, Red. It hurts too much." She croaked through the tears. "I'm not strong enough." She cried. That's when all her strength left her and she felt herself falling, but only for a moment.

"I've got you sweetheart. I'm never gonna let you go again." His arms tightened around her and he stopped her from falling to the ground. He lifted her up in his arms and walked them to the couch. He sat down and simply held her shaking body. He felt like he could hardly breath. He'd prepared for her anger and rejection but not for her pain and heartache. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain. He'd caused her this much pain. He didn't know if he could forgive himself for hurting her like this. He held her against his body and rubbed her back, hoping it would calm her down. By the way she kept crying he was afraid she was going to be out of breath. The dog was now at their side. He howled softly, sensing his boss' distress. He put his head on the couch and touched Lizzie's leg with his nose, letting her know he was there. Red saw the dog looking at him with big, sad eyes. "She'll be all right, buddy."

TBC..


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. Despite my dislike of the show at the moment and the feeling of wanting to stop watching the show, I will never jump ship. I love this ship! Thanks to my beta Sarah for her help!

**Chapter four**

She woke up on the couch with a pounding headache. She groaned. Her mind had played cruel tricks on her, making her believe he was back in her life. She turned onto her back and felt a rough tongue swipe across her hand.

"Hey buddy." She mumbled to the dog whose head now appeared near her face. He nudged her cheek with his wet nose. She smiled and wiped the wetness away. She slowly sat up and ran her hand over Jethro's head as he sat next to the couch.

She looked at the coffee table and found two advils and a glass of water. Who'd put them there? Then realisation dawned on her that maybe, just maybe her dream hadn't been a dream. She tried to stay calm but failed. Her heart started beating faster and the pounding in her head seemed to intensify too. She tried to keep her breathing under control but failed.

Red appeared in the doorway of the living room. He'd heard wake up and now saw she was about to have a panic attack. Her breathing was quick and in short bursts. She had to calm herself down. The dog sensed the panic too and was now on his feet. He whined at his boss' distress. Then he approached him as if he was getting him to go help his owner.

"You need to calm down, Lizzie." He spoke to her as he walked over to the couch.

She immediately looked up. Her eyes were wide. "Red?" She asked. He couldn't be here. He was dead. She shook her head.

"I'm really here." He confirmed. He crouched down in front of her.

She watched him with wet eyes. Was he really here? She started to reach her hand out to touch him but stopped mid air. She was afraid he would disappear.

Seeing her hand move towards him but stop, Red reached out and took her hand in his, entwining their fingers. It seemed to be enough to stop her panic attack. Her breathing slowed down considerably. Lizzie just stared at him. He was unsure of what to do but knew he shouldn't force anything. He would let her set the pace.

After a moment she let go of his hand. He took the two Advils and the glass of water from table and handed them to her. He stood up and sat down in the chair. They sat in silence and stared at each other. Neither really knew what to say or do

Lizzie looked at the man she'd missed so much. He wasn't wearing a three piece suit like she'd been used to. He was wearing jeans with a black sweater. It looked good on him. He still looked so good. His eyes still held that tenderness that she loved to see. It used to be there whenever he looked at her and she was glad it was still there. She longed for him to hold her in his arms, to make her feel whole again and to never let her go. But she was afraid to ask. Maybe she was even too proud to ask. But she needed it. She needed him so much. But at the back of her mind there was anger and confusion. He'd left her and was the reason for her pain and loneliness.

"What's his name?" Red asked, nodding at the dog.

"Jethro."

At the mention of his name Jethro barked. He stood up, walked over to Lizzie and laid down in front of the couch.

"I like him. He's protective of you."

"He's good company."

He watched how she smiled at the dog, but there was a sadness in that smile too. "He helps to keep the loneliness at bay?" He asked.

"Don't, Red." She warned him.

He relented, for now. He didn't want to start an argument with her. They would probably have more than enough of that in the near future. Red stood up to leave the living room. He was going to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" She tried to hide the panic in her voice, but knew it was futile. It had always been hard to hide anything from him.

Hearing the panic he turned and quickly reassured her. "I'm not leaving. I'm going to cook for you. You haven't been taking care of yourself."

"I don't need you take care of me." She mumbled.

"Excuse me?" He didn't quite hear what she said.

"What time is it?" She changed the subject. She didn't feel up for a fight that she knew was going to come.

"Almost seven."

She was surprised. Had she been knocked out for so long? She stood up. "I have to take Jethro for his walk."

"No need. I took him out already. He just needs his food. Didn't know how much you gave him."

"Okay." She joined him in the kitchen and as Red started to prepare dinner, Lizzie gave Jethro his food. It was strange being near him again. There was so much turmoil within her. She was happy that he was still alive. She was angry at him for leaving her alone. Angry that he hadn't confided in her, that he didn't trust her. Then there was the pain that she felt. Pain for this past year where at times getting up had been hard for her. Pain for moments lost when they could have been together. What she hated the most was how her own heart betrayed her. It had skipped a beat when she'd first seen him again. The heart wants what the heart wants and it was clear that her heart still wanted him. She ran her hand through her hair and tried to stay in control of her emotions. It was no use though. The confusion, the anger, the feelings she still had for him all collided with each other and she had to let it out. She didn't want him to see her fall apart and quickly left the kitchen. Jethro immediately followed her.

Red heard her soft sob before she almost ran out of the kitchen. He sighed. He knew he should tread carefully and not force anything but she was going to be a real test for his patience. He decided not to follow her but let her be. It was best to give her time now. When the time was right, he would push. He continued with making dinner. He knew she would reappear some time. He wasn't going to leave with seeing her.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. Thanks to my beta Sarah for her help! For the reader who sent me a PM about not forgetting this fic. This update is for you. Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter five**

After waiting on Lizzie for almost an hour, Red had enough. If he was going to leave now, he was pretty sure she wasn't going to eat anything at all. He could accept her stubbornness and anger, but he wasn't going to accept her refusal to take care of herself. If she wasn't going to do it, he was going to do it for her. He walked through the hall way to what he assumed was her bedroom and knocked on the door. Of course she didn't answer.

"Open the door, Lizzie."

"Go away, Red."

"No. If you won't open the door, I will. Your choice." He said. He was getting impatient. He wasn't going to deal with her childish behaviour much longer.

After a moment of silence and just as he was about to open the door himself, the door opened.

"What do you want?" She asked shortly.

"You need to eat." He said as he pushed the door further open and stepped inside her bedroom.

"I can take care of myself." She turned to look at him. He clearly wasn't happy with her, but she didn't care. She wasn't happy with him either.

"Really? Drinking yourself into oblivion and not eating is taking care of yourself?" He took a menacing step towards her. "Look at yourself. You've clearly lost too much weight and you don't seem to care about your appearance. Tell me, what part of that is taking care of yourself?" Red kept his voice calm and collected despite the anger he felt.

"Leave." Lizzie said. She wasn't going to listen to him any longer.

"No." He refused.

"Get out of here, Red. The day you decided to exit my life was the day you lost the right to have any say in it. This time I'll make it easy for you. Leave!" She screamed.

Lizzie's agitated state caused quite some distress for Jethro who was now barking loudly and jumping up and down. "It's okay, sweetie." Lizzie stroked his head and crouched down next to him. "I'm okay." Jethro settled down, Lizzie's calm voice reassuring him there was nothing wrong.

He watched her with the dog and when she stood up and looked him in the eyes, he saw how tired she was. They couldn't continue arguing, she wasn't strong enough. "I'll take Jethro for a short walk then you can eat." His walk with Jethro would give her time to adjust to his presence. After that, they would talk. "Please? You need to eat." His voice was gentle and soft.

"Okay." She agreed. She knew he was right. She had to take better care of herself.

"Thank you." He turned around and left her alone in her bedroom again. "Come on, Jethro. Let's take a walk." He called for the dog who followed him immediately. Just as he stepped inside the kitchen he heard footsteps behind him. He ignored them and continued towards the door, ready to leave her alone.

"Thank you." Lizzie said just before Red reached the door.

Red turned around and watched her sit down at the kitchen table. He sighed. There was a long and rough road ahead of them. He wanted to see her happy again, wanted to see her smile, but knew he had to wait for that. He stepped outside with Jethro and closed the door behind them.

Walking up to the house after his walk with the dog, Red saw Lizzie sitting on the porch steps. Jethro saw her too and ran up to her, greeting her as if he hadn't seen her for hours. Red stopped at the bottom of the steps and just looked at her.

After a short silence it was Red who started. "Did you eat?"

Lizzie nodded. "Yeah." She sighed and looked at him. "I feel so lost." She admitted in a whisper.

He lowered his head in guilt. He knew he was to blame. He didn't quite know what to say, but Lizzie did. "I don't how to deal with this. I don't know if I can." She looked at him for help.

It broke his heart to see like this. Her eyes were wet and the look in her eyes held a certain amount of despair.

"What if you leave again? I'm not strong enough to go through that again. There were days when getting out of bed was even too much. I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself again."

He took a deep breath and pushed away the emotions her words caused. He had to be strong for her. "I'm here to stay, Lizzie. I'll be strong enough for the both of us." He knew he had to share some of what he felt to reach some form of common ground. "Don't think I haven't felt miserable. There were days for me too when I didn't want to get up. When all I wanted to do was be with you, but I couldn't." He looked at his watch. It was time for him to go. Leaving her was something he didn't want to do, but had to. For the time being he wouldn't be able to spend as much time with her as he wanted to. He was needed somewhere else too. But he'd be with Lizzie as much as he could.

"I have to go, Lizzie."

"Okay." She said softly pulling Jethro closing to her to comfort her.

He noticed how she pulled Jethro closer and he knew what the gesture meant. "I'll be back tomorrow. I don't know what time, but I will see you tomorrow." He saw her nod again but she didn't look at him. "Goodnight, Lizzie. See you tomorrow." He turned around and walked a few steps before turning back again. "I missed you so much, sweetheart." He said before disappearing from her view.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** My apologies for the long delay. Here is chapter six. Friendly reminder, this is an AU fic. I started this one before S2 started. I hope that despite the delay you will still like this fic and please hang in there. I will keep posting chapters.

**Chapter six**

The following day Lizzie wandered in and around her house. She was restless and because she was restless, Jethro was restless too. He followed her everywhere and just like her only sat or laid down for a few minutes before getting up again.

She decided to drive into the small village for some much needed groceries. It really was time to take better care of herself. This morning she noticed her pants and shirts were getting a bit too wide due to her weight loss. She had to gain back some weight. She made sure Jethro had his water and was settled down before she left. After a fifteen minutes drive she parked her car. There was a market taking place which pleased her. She always enjoyed walking around different stalls, exploring what they all had and the nice sunny weather made it all even more enjoyable.

She was standing at a fruit and vegetable stall, when someone bumped into her legs. She looked down and saw a little girl with blond curly hair looking up at her with big green eyes.

"Sorry, miss." The girl immediately apologised.

Before Lizzie could reply a woman with long blond hair appeared next to her. Looking at the two it was obvious they were mother and daughter. "I'm sorry. She sometimes gets ahead of me and doesn't always look where she's going."

"That's okay. Nothing happened."

"Come Abby." The woman held out her hand to the little girl. "Let's get home."

"Okay, mommy." She took her mother's hand. "Bye, miss." The girl waved to Lizzie before they disappeared into the small crowd.

After buying everything she needed and a fresh bouquet of flowers, Lizzie was on her way back. By the time she was home, some of the restlessness was gone. As she exited her car she saw Red.

"Good morning." He greeted her as he walked over to her.

She nodded at him. She didn't really know yet how to act around him. They had always had a natural interaction. It seemed strained now. Which was understandable but it made her feel insecure about herself and them.

"Let me help with your groceries." Red said as he stood next to her.

Once again she nodded at him and handed the bags to him. In silence they walked to her front door. At the door she fumbled with her keys. She cursed softly at her own clumsiness. Red didn't say a word, but did see her nerves. In due time she would be comfortable around him again. He was a patient man. They would get there.

Together they walked into her house. Jethro greeted Lizzie enthusiastically, his tail wagging wildly. He greeted Red after he greeted Lizzie but he appeared just as happy to see the man.

"You want something to drink?" Lizzie asked as they walked into the kitchen.

"Some tea would be nice." Red started to put her groceries away as Lizzie prepared tea for them. Lizzie watched how he moved around her kitchen and appeared to know where to put everything. She wondered how he knew where to put everything.

"How about I make you some lunch."

"You think I won't eat otherwise?" She asked. She leaned against the kitchen counter as he stood by the fridge.

He tiltled his head to the side and looked at her. She didn't appear to be angry. Her tone of voice however was tense. "I wanna take care of you." He said honestly.

She didn't say anything then, yet turned back to preparing their tea. Red took her silence as agreement to make her lunch. He decided to make a salad for her and roasted some bread with it. In a comfortable silence they both worked in the kitchen. Lizzie stole glances at Red. She sighed softly. She felt like her body betrayed her. His presence made her stomach flutter and her heart beat faster. But when he left the pain would resurface and linger again. The flutters in her stomach would be replaced by a heavy and uncomfortable feeling. The light he brought would be replaced by darkness again. She put both her hands on the counter, bowed her head and shook her head. It wasn't easy for her to chase the darkness away. She got lost in it far too easily. Deciding that some fresh air would do her some good she left the kitchen. Jethro immediately followed her.

Red decided to let her be for the moment. He knew he shouldn't rush her. It wasn't easy though to see her struggle. It was strange, yet reaffirming how his body reacted to her presence. She brought him a peace of mind that no one had ever done before. She settled his restless mind. She was his anchor. She was a part of his soul. He needed her in his life.

With her salad and the bread he walked onto the porch and put her plate down on the table. "Your salad is ready." Red said to Lizzie who was staring into space. Seeing her small nod, he got back inside for his food.

Both ate the salad he'd made, but no words were exchanged. Though the lunch wasn't uncomfortable, neither knew what to say. Red didn't want their conversations to just be about the issues they had to work through. But there was nothing to talk about and Lizzie seemed unwilling to speak. She seemed closed off and he didn't want to force her. All this was going to happen at her pace. After lunch Red cleared everything away. It was best that he left her. For now he decided to keep his visits short. It would give her time to be comfortable with him again. Small steps for now.

"We'll find our way again, Lizzie." He said before he left her alone.

**TBC...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** To make up for the unbelievable long delay, I give you two chapters. Thank you for those who are hanging in there. Reviews are still appreciated.

**Chapter seven**

Red kept his promise and visited her every day. But his visits were never long, a couple of hours at most. And though he said they would found their way again, she doubted it. Their connection was still strained. Maybe neither was ready to go deeper yet. Maybe the time wasn't right yet. They first had to feel comfortable with each other again. She remembered how he used to touch her; a hand on the small of her back, his hand brushing hers as he walked by. Those touches were non existent and she missed them. Missed the warmth.

At times it even seemed like Red was somewhere else with his mind. It made her feel uncomfortable and insecure. Would he rather be somewhere else? And was his obvious distraction an indication of an imminent departure? It was something she feared but it was something she had to take into consideration. It was something she had to talk about with him.

Lizzie was lying on her couch, reading a book, when she heard the door open. Red and Lizzie had agreed that she would leave the door open so he wouldn't have to knock every time. Jethro, who had become friends with Red, immediately stood up to greet the visitor. Lizzie smiled as she heard Red greet Jethro.

"Good evening Lizzie." Red greeted her as he stepped into the living room. He was happy to see her again, but he was also tired. He felt two sides pulling at him and they both deserved his attention. However much he wanted to spend more time with Lizzie, he couldn't. Not now, but he hoped soon.

"Hey, Red." She greeted him. She put her book away on the table and sat up. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thanks." Red looked at Lizzie. She looked a bit better. She seemed a bit more rested, though he guessed she still had nightmares. When he visited her in the mornings there was a look in her eyes that made him think she'd had a restless night. But she never spoke of it and he never asked.

"You look tired, Red." She said.

He nodded at her words. He was. Sometimes he was angry with himself that he wasn't able to give her the attention she deserved. He wanted to stay with her, take care of her the entire day. He needed to be with her. "I'm sorry." He apologized. He sat down next to her on the couch. Normally he made sure to always have a bit of distance between them. He never ventured in her personal space. He did that because he wanted her to be comfortable with him first. Getting into her personal space too soon could cause her to retreat and that was the last thing he wanted. However tonight, after the day he'd had, he ignored his own rules. He needed to be close to her and hopefully she wouldn't mind.

Lizzie was surprised he sat down next to her. He usually kept his distance. She smiled. Sometimes she wondered if he could read her mind and knew she wanted the closeness back. "I don't want you to be obligated to be here with me." She paused for a moment and looked down at her hands. "I'll be okay." She knew she didn't sound as confident as she wanted too.

Red put his hand over hers and squeezed lightly. "Being with you is never an obligation, Lizzie." He sat a bit closer so their thighs touched. "I want to spend more time with you. Like I promised, we'll find our way again. It's my fault it's going to take longer than I want."

They were silent. Red caressed her hand with his thumb. The movement soothed her. This was the contact that she wanted and needed. "I'm afraid you'll disappear again." She admitted to him in a soft voice.

"Sweetheart." Red whispered before he pulled her into his arms. He hated himself for making her feel insecure. He knew it took a lot of her to admit her fear. "I'm never gonna leave you again." He kissed her hair and held her against his chest. Her body shook lightly as she cried softly. He held her close, caressed her back and every now and then he kissed her hair. He comforted her and held her even after the tears had dried. Holding Lizzie and being the one she sought out for comfort was important to him. He wanted to be that person for her. He wanted to be the one she turned to every time.

"Red?"

"Mmm…" Red answered.

Before Lizzie could ask what she wanted to ask, Jethro made his presence known. With his nose he tried to push Lizzie away from Red. Clearly he was jealous. When his attempts didn't work, he howled a bit.

Lizzie laughed softly as she ran her hand over Jethro's head. "Seems like he doesn't like to share." She said before she spoke to the dog. "It's okay, sweetie. " She reassured the dog.

"I don't like to share either." Red said.

"You both are going to have to learn then." Lizzie put her head back against Red's chest.

Red smiled at her words. This was the first time she'd truly spoken about the direction they were going. The first time she'd admitted that their end game was the same. It pleased him. "If it's only Jethro then it's okay." He remembered she was about to say something. "What did you want to ask?" He was happy that Lizzie didn't feel the need to end their embrace.

"Never mind. It's okay."

"Ask me, Lizzie."

"I wanted to ask if we could maybe go somewhere. You, me and Jethro." When Red didn't answer immediately she quickly added. "It's okay, I understand if you don't have any time."

"I'd love to go somewhere with you. I will have to arrange some things first. How about Saturday?" He suggested. He would never deny her anything. He couldn't.

Lizzie nodded. "Thank you."

"Any time, sweetheart. Any time." He kissed her hair once again.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Remember this is an AU fic.

**Chapter eight**

It was the day of their trip and Lizzie was looking forward to it. Jethro sensed her excitement too. As she walked through her house to gather her things for the trip, Jethro followed her on her heels. The sun was already shining and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Lizzie was in her bedroom when she heard Jethro bark. Grabbing a vest in case it got cold, Lizzie closed the door behind her and walked back into her living room.

"Good morning, Lizzie." Red greeted her with a smile which she returned. He was glad to see a bright smile on her face. It was good to see that she was doing better. She was wearing a blue, knee length shirt with a white short sleeved blouse which had colourful flowers on it. "You look beautiful." He complimented her.

She was pleased with his compliment. She'd taken extra time this morning to make sure she looked nice. The days that Red visited her she'd hardly put any effort in her appearance. But today it felt right. They'd agreed Red would bring the food for their picnic and Lizzie would take care of Jethro's treats.

She looked at Red. She hadn't seen him in his three piece suit ever since he was back in her life. Today he was wearing beige slacks and a black short sleeved button up shirt. The top two buttons were undone showing a bit of chest hair. She liked this casual look on him, but she had to admit, she missed his suits to. Maybe she'd get the chance to see him in one again.

"Ready to go?" Red asked her.

Before Lizzie could answer, Jethro did so by barking loudly and pushing his paw against Red's leg. Clearly he was ready and wanted them to hurry up. Red and Lizzie laughed. Lizzie grabbed Jethro's leash and her bag and was ready to go.

Red had picked the place they were going to go. Apparently he knew the area well and she wondered how. What was his connection to this place? They'd decided to take her car, but Red was driving. Jethro sat in the back with his nose outside the window which was partly opened. Jethro clearly enjoyed the car ride.

"How is it that you know this area so well?" She asked after they'd been driving for a short while.

"Why do you assume I know this area?" He countered easily while keeping his eyes on the road.

If he'd looked at her, he'd seen her roll her eyes. "I'm still a profiler, Red. I'm not a fool."

He smiled at that. The answer was simple, yet complicated. He wasn't ready yet to share everything with her. "I visited Sam here a couple of times." He knew that answer would be sufficient to avoid his real reason for knowing the area like he did.

His answer surprised her. Red had never told her much about his friendship with Sam. Just before he'd left her life she'd stopped asking him about it. Clearly it was something he was reluctant to talk about. She'd gotten used to Red keeping secrets from her. But now she was confronted with it again for the first time after a year and she didn't like it. His need to keep secrets from her had caused her a lot of pain. She sighed and shook her head in frustration. For now she would let it go. She didn't want anything to ruin this trip. The rest of the drive was silent, the music and Jethro's excited barks the only sounds.

Another 30 minutes later, Red parked the car. He'd brought them to a small valley which had some beautiful trails and would offer them a nice place to picnic. He sensed Lizzie's frustration and knew he had to deal with that first. Getting out, he grabbed the bag with picnic supplies. Lizzie meanwhile helped Jethro out of the car and put the leash on him.

She didn't wait for Red to point the way, no she simply chose a path and walked.

Red saw her go. He quickly shut the car and followed her. She didn't get far and he stopped her by grabbing a hold of her hand. Jethro however had other ideas and pulled on the leash. Lizzie tumbled forward but Red put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. He squeezed her shoulders. "I want to share, Lizzie. I need time, just like you."

She nodded mutely. Though he withheld things from her, he always did answer her honestly. The honesty still surprised her though. She also didn't know yet how to handle it.

"Come on." Red took her hand again and pulled her along. "Let's enjoy our day." Getting further onto the trail, Lizzie released Jethro's leash. He never strayed to far away from her. She'd expected Red to let go of her hand at some point, but he didn't. He'd laced his fingers through hers and simply walked on as if it was the most natural thing to do. When he was like this, honest, caring and touching her, it was hard to stay mad at him.

"You confuse me, Red." Lizzie confessed after they'd walked for a while.

"How so?"

"Because I want to be mad at you and I am. But you make me want to move forward too." She admitted as she stopped walking. She didn't let go of his hand though. Jethro, who'd strolled ahead of them stopped, turned, walked up to them and sat down next to them. He looked from one to the other as if he felt that Lizzie needed his help.

He smiled at her. "That's because I want us to move forward. You are my future, Lizzie. Only you." He admitted seriously. "Come on, let's keep walking." He pulled on her hand to get her moving again. Slightly shocked by another of his admissions, Lizzie let herself be dragged along. This was really turning out to be quite a day.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks for those who are stilling hanging in there and enjoying this fic. Also despite TPTB ruining our ship these last few days I will go down with this ship! I hope you enjoy. And remember this is AU.**

**Chapter nine**

After quite a long walk, Red and Lizzie arrived at a secluded picnic spot. They had a nice view over the valley here. Red laid the plaid blanket he'd brought down in the shadow. He took out sandwiches and drinks and placed them on the blanket. He watched how Lizzie took care of Jethro, giving him water and a treat. Being the gentleman that he was, he waited for her to sit down first, before he also sat down. There were several small sandwiches to choose from and for drinks there was orange juice. The whole day so far, it seemed so domestic, so unlike them. Jethro, after finishing his treat and drinking some water, walked over to Red and Lizzie. He thanked Lizzie by licking her arm before he walked over to Red to lay down beside him. Lizzie smiled at that. Clearly Jethro and Red had become close friends, though he was still very protective of her. Actually, both were

"I still don't know what to do with this, Red." Lizzie said after finishing their lunch. She avoided looking at him by keeping her eyes on the scenery. "You tell me that we'll find our way again, that I'm your future. I'm not sure that's true."

Red looked at her. She was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around them. He kept silent. She needed to tell him what she felt and he needed to hear it. But he feared her words because he knew it could break their already fragile connection.

"It is obvious you are preoccupied. I don't expect to be your priority. I don't think I even want that." She put her chin on her knees. "I don't even know what I want. I know what my heart wants, but that doesn't mean it's right for me." She took a deep breath. "It's strange. These last few days I've felt better than I have the entire year. I can't deny that you're the reason. But I can't be depended of you. I simply can't. The first time around I didn't know any better. I only found out when you died how much I needed you. After that I fell apart. I can't go through that again. I'm not strong enough." Her voice wavered. She wanted to stay strong. She didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. He'd seen her cry more than enough. "So I have a choice to make. Let you in with the chance that you're going to leave again, knowing I won't survive that. Or do I stop this, whatever this is and continue with my life without you?" It was a choice she had to make and one that had been bothering her for a few days now. She hadn't been able to make any decision at all yet. Mostly because deep down she knew she didn't want to make a decision yet. But it had to happen and for both of them it was better for it to be sooner than later.

"How long had you been watching me before you decided to make yourself known?" She asked after a long pause. She hadn't expected him nor given him any time to respond to her words. She stretched her legs again and leaned back on her hands.

"Why do you think I was watching you?"

"I'm no fool, Red. Besides, I know you. You've been watching me. How long?" Lizzie asked again.

"Three months." He admitted.

Lizzie didn't say anything but shook her head. Three months. Three whole months he'd been watching her. Three month without making his presence known. "Three months Red? Three whole months?" She raised her voice which immediately made Jethro stand up and walk over to her. "And what, you decided it was fun to watch me suffer? You enjoyed that?" Standing up, Lizzie walked away from their spot. "Why even make your presence known? For your own enjoyment? Let Lizzie suffer some more? See what she does?" By now she was yelling. Any self control that she had was gone. Anger had taken over.

"That's not true, Lizzie and you know it." Red was up on his feet too, but kept his distance.

"Do I?" She turned towards him. "I don't know anything! You've been watching me for three month. Why? I don't know. You staged your own death. Why? I don't know. And it is obvious you have somewhere else to be every damn day you visit me. Why? I don't know! So don't tell me that I do." She was on a roll now. "Isn't this exactly what you want? You have all the power. You're in control and we are all mere puppets in whatever you have planned." She tried to calm down and control her voice. "Don't tell me I know, Red. Even if I thought I knew you, we're strangers again after a year. So much has happened to both of us." She looked at him. There was a certain despair in her eyes. "You know what I need. I'll never ask for it, you know that too. I don't know if we can fight the good fight." She ended in a soft voice.

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: And so we continue and bring in someone new. For those still hanging in there. Thank you. I really appreciate it. And also the glasses had to be in the fic. Spader looks so hot with his glasses.**

**Chapter ten**

"Where are we going, uncle Ray?"

It was Sunday and Red was on his way to Lizzie. His trip with Lizzie yesterday hadn't turned out as good as either of them had wanted. After Lizzie's blow out they'd cut their trip short. Her words had hurt him. They had thrown him off balance and it ended up with him not responding. Which made her even angrier. So they'd headed back to the car. After a tension filled car ride back to her house, Lizzie had almost thrown herself out of the car as soon as he'd parked it.

What little progress they'd made was all gone now. They were back at the beginning or maybe even worse than that. After a restless night he realised he couldn't keep his two worlds apart any longer. Lizzie deserved to know more and she deserved more of him. He had to make an effort to close the distance between them again.

"We're going to a meet a friend." He looked at the little girl sitting in the car seat in the back. He smiled. No matter how tough his day was, seeing her always brought a smile to his face. She was such a sweet girl.

"Is he nice?"

"Yes _she_ is. And she has a dog."

"Really?" The idea of a dog excited the little girl. "What's his name?"

"Jethro." Red parked the car at Lizzie's house and looked to the back seat. "He's big, so you have to be careful, Abby."

With a serious look in her eyes she nodded. Red smiled again. He got out of the car and helped her out of the car too. With her hand in his they waked to the front door. He'd been used to walking in through the back door, but he felt that it wouldn't be appropriate this time. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. After a couple of minutes the door was still closed and he heard no movement inside the house. Maybe she was out for a walk with Jethro.

"Come, let's go find her." Red said. Hand in hand they walked around the house and onto the beach. After a short walk he spotted Lizzie and Jethro.

Abby saw the dog too. She let go of Red's hand and ran as fast as she could towards the dog. She slowed down as she saw how big the dog was. But her curiosity was bigger than her apprehension. A few metres away from Lizzie and Jethro, Abby came to a stop. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the Big Dane. The dog was bigger than she was.

"Can I touch him, Miss?" Due to her excitement Abby rushed her words. She was completely focused on the big dog.

"Sure. I'll let him sit down first and then you can touch him. But be careful." Jethro was a friendly dog, but sometimes a bit too enthusiastic. However she'd noticed that he was very gentle around kids. She ordered Jethro to sit down and he immediately did so. Standing next to her dog, Lizzie held her hand out for the little girl with curly blond hair. The girl looked familiar but she didn't know from where. "Now hold out your hand for him so he can sniff you."

Abby did as she was told and carefully let Jethro sniff her hand. She looked up at Lizzie who nodded at her. Given permission Abby carefully put her hand on the dog's head and started petting him. Proud of herself she grinned.

"Look at me Uncle Ray!" She yelled at Red. Her yell startled Jethro who immediately jumped up and bumped into Abby causing her to fall into the soft sand. Then Jethro saw a familiar person and immediately ran to him.

"You okay, sweetie?" Lizzie asked the little girl as she lifted her back up to her feet.

Abby nodded. Then she saw her uncle and quickly ran to him. That's when Lizzie looked up and saw the man the little girl called uncle Ray. She sucked in a breath and took a step back. There was Red with Jethro and the little girl around him. As always he was casually dressed. But what surprised her was that he was wearing glasses, something she hadn't seen on him before. She'd seen him wear sunglasses, but never regular ones. She was taken aback by it and her heart seemed to skip a beat. Those glasses looked really good on him, far too good. For a moment it made her forget that she was mad at him. She stood still and just looked at him.

"Hello, Lizzie." Red greeted her. He tilted his head to the side and watched her watching him. Clearly she was surprised.

A tug on her hand prevented Lizzie from staring at Red any longer. Looking down she saw the little girl standing beside her with a big smile on her face. "Your dog is really big." Apparently Jethro's size was something Abby couldn't stop talking about.

"Abby." Red called out before Abby could run over to Jethro again who had walked away from them. "Can you come here please?" Abby immediately ran towards her uncle. "Did you say hi to my friend Lizzie?"

The little girl shook her head. Dutifully she held her hand out to Lizzie who shook the small hand. "I'm Abby."

"Hi, Abby. I'm Lizzie."

"You're pretty." Abby said. "Can I play with Jethro?" Her attention quickly went back to the dog.

"Sure. But be careful." Lizzie watched Abby walk up to Jethro who sat down again to let the girl pet him. "She called you uncle." She focused back on the man in front of her.

Red took a step closer to Lizzie, wanting her closeness as well as needing it. "She's my brother's daughter. She's the reason why I've been preoccupied." Red looked from Lizzie to Abby. He hadn't expected Lizzie and Abby to meet each other so soon already, but Lizzie's outburst had sped things up. He'd wanted to introduce them to each other when Lizzie and he had worked things out. But then again, Lizzie had never been predictable. The next bit he was going to share with her still caused him much pain. "My brother passed away a couple of months ago. They need my help." He said, the pain in his voice undeniable. He looked away at Abby again and smiled at his niece who was now sitting next to Jethro who was lying in the sand.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and to those who are hanging in there. Remember this is an AU fic.

**Chapter eleven **

Red and Lizzie stood together in a strained silence. There was so much to talk about but they couldn't. Not with Abby needing their attention.

"Uncle Ray, can we built a sand castle?" Abby ran up to the two grown ups with Jethro following closely after her.

"Sure, but I didn't bring any toys to use." He should have known Abby wanted to play on the beach.

"I'll see what I have at the house that we can use." She didn't want to deny Abby the chance to built a castle with her uncle.

"Thank you." Red nodded at Lizzie. Lizzie and Jethro made their way to the house as Red and Abby looked for a good spot to built a castle.

Walking back from the house with a small bucket and a shovel, and of course Jethro beside her, Lizzie saw Red and Abby had found a spot to built the castle. She stood still to watch them for a moment. Red was sitting on his knees and Abby was standing next to him as Red tied her shoelace. After tying the shoelace Abby hugged Red and kissed his cheek as a thank you. She smiled at the picture they presented. He was making it difficult to stay mad at him. She looked at Red who was now back on his feet and looking at her. He titled his head to the side and looked at her as if he was trying to read her mind. She didn't want to keep Abby waiting any longer so she quickly joined the three of them started building the sand castle.

It took quite some time for the three of them to built the castle. The fact that Jethro every once in a while walked through the part that they'd built didn't help. Every time that happened Abby laughed loudly and Red dutifully rebuilt the part that was destroyed. She really enjoyed seeing Red and Abby. It was obvious that Abby adored her uncle. The softness she saw in his eyes every time he looked at his niece warmed her heart. They'd shared few glances and sometimes she caught him looking at her for a long time. It caused a little flutter in her stomach, especially now when he was wearing those glasses.

Lizzie had been in charge of creating the moat around castle, something which was easy for her to do. It brought back memories from when she was a kid and had built a castle with her father. It saddened her that Abby might not have that memory. Red and Abby were building the main castle with smaller ones at each corner. After a while Abby got tired and started to order Red and Lizzie around while she watched on with Jethro who kept an eye on everything. After the castle was finished, they needed to add water to the moat which Abby wanted to do. Red stood up to go to the water with her, but Abby requested Lizzie to help her. It surprised them both and Lizzie looked at Red to see if it was okay. He smiled at the both of them and nodded.

He was glad Lizzie and Abby seemed to get along. That was important to him. He needed to find a way for his two worlds to coexist though he had to admit, he wanted his life with Lizzie to move forward. He also knew that his brother's family also still needed him. Abby, who was a happy girl, still had nightmares at night and he often got out of bed to comfort her. Her mother was trying hard to keep going but she was struggling. Both sought him out to play the role of his brother. It was something he sometimes had a hard time dealing with. He wanted to share his burdens with Lizzie because it was quite a weight on his shoulders. But he felt it wasn't something he couldn't do. After all Lizzie still had her own demons to deal with. There was so much on his mind and all of it kept him up at night.

Seeing Abby and Lizzie return with water for the moat Red had to put his dark thoughts aside. And he did so but not before Lizzie saw the worried look. Looking closer she noticed how tired he looked, wary even. She realised then that not only was he trying to take care of his brother's family, she knew he also wanted to take care of her. As strong as Red was, and at times she'd thought of him as unbeatable, she only then recognised that he was carrying a heavy burden and that he might need her help. She also knew he would never ask for her help.

"I'm thirsty, uncle Ray." Abby said after Red had taking a picture of her in front of the sand castle they'd built.

He saw that Abby was also getting tired and knew it was time to go home. He wanted to spend more time with Lizzie, but knew Abby should be his priority.

"Why don't we go to my house and get you something to drink?" Lizzie wasn't ready yet for them to leave.

"Okay." He held out his hand to Abby who immediately took it. The three of them walked back to Lizzie's house. To any onlooker they seemed like a happy family. Something deep down both adults wished for.

TBC..


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: For those who reviewed and favorited/followed this fic thank you and I hope you will continue to enjoy it. Here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter twelve**

The three of them were seated in Lizzie's living room. Red was sitting on the couch with Abby closely next to him. Jethro was on his rug in front of the fire place. He was vast asleep. And Lizzie was seated in one of the chairs in her living room near the couch. There wasn't much conversation. After finishing her drink, Abby started to lean into Red. She was getting tired. She snuggled closer to her uncle and yawned.

Red ran his hand over his niece's blond hair. He needed to get her home. "Let's get you home."

Before he stood up to gather Abby, Lizzie spoke. "Why don't you put her in my bed. She can sleep and we have some more time together." She probably sounded a bit too eager for him to stay, but she didn't care.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Red wanted to ask Abby if she was okay with staying but she was already asleep. Not wanting to wake her up, he carefully lifted her in his arms. Instinctively she snuggled closer. He followed Lizzie into the hallway to her bedroom. He waited for her to close the curtains and pull back the sheets. He gently laid Abby down on the bed. Pulling the sheet back over her, he sat down on the bed. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Standing up, he ran his hand over her blond curls before he followed Lizzie out of the room. He left the door open in case Abby would need him.

Lizzie surprised him by taking his hand and leading him through her house to the porch. She left the doors open, in case Abby needed them. Seemingly out of nowhere, at least to Red, Lizzie wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. At first he tensed because her move was so unexpected. But quickly he gave into the comfort she offered and he needed. He wrapped his arms around her and let himself relax. He was glad she'd sought him out first.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked. She stepped back out of the embrace and missed the warmth of it immediately. It always amazed her how his closeness always seemed to bring a peace within her. Her body needed him near that much was clear even if she often tried to deny it.

Red shrugged. Turning his back on her, he took a few steps away from her. "I don't want to burden you."

"So you'd rather carry the burden yourself no matter what the cost?" She saw his shoulders tense. Getting him to let her in was going to be such a big fight, maybe even an impossible one. Especially if he wasn't going to try. It was something to add to their already difficult situation.

"I…" He faltered and hung his head. "You still have so much to deal with."

"And so do you." Lizzie countered.

One of the problems they had was that they were both stubborn. That frequently caused them to end up at crossroads. One of them would have to be willing to really go all in but neither seemed able to. And so a tense silence fell over them.

"I promised him to take care of his family. I can't fail them. I won't fail him." Red's voice was soft and pained, but clear.

"Tell me about him." Lizzie said just as soft.

"He was a couple of years younger. He was adventurous, outgoing and easily made friends. Ever since I was young I contemplated my every move. Jarod didn't. Nothing scared him. Everything was an adventure. He never saw any problems. It always made me want to look out for him, protect him." He paused for a moment. "We both grew up and went our own ways but always stayed in contact, always made sure we visited each other as often as possible. Even after I took that turn that led to my current life, we always visited each other. It took him a while to settle down, but he did so when he met Angela. The birth of Abby made him the happiest man on earth. He loved the life they had."

He took a deep breath to control his emotions. He hadn't let himself mourn his brother's loss. "He called me almost six months ago. Told me he was sick, that there was nothing the doctors could do for him anymore. He accepted it all much easier than we did. He stayed strong for Angela and Abby, but when we were alone he shared his fears with me. Leaving his two girls behind scared him. He was adamant I should take care of them and of course I promised him. I can't fail him, Lizzie." But he was scared that he would because he knew he had to be there for Lizzie also.

Though he tried hard to keep the emotions from his voice, Lizzie knew him well enough to hear the difference. It tore at her. She wondered if he had even let himself mourn the loss of his brother. He probably hadn't. Taking care of those he loved, protecting them even, was so important to him that he tended to forget himself. He needed someone to take care of him. She knew it would be quite the fight to get him to let someone do that. A fight she was willing to fight, a fight she was going to fight. She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his back. He was still tense.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie." He apologised.

"For what?"

"For not being able to be the person you need."

"And who is it that I need?'

"Someone who will be there for you. Someone you can rely on. Someone who will do whatever he can to make you happy and take care of you." He looked up as if he would find the answers in the sky. "Someone who won't disappear from your life."

"Are you going to disappear again?"

He shook his head. No. No matter what would happen, he would always stay near.

Lizzie took the last step to stand next to him. Wordlessly she reached for his hand and entwined their fingers. "Then we'll get there."

**TBC... **


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Not much Red and Lizzie in this. They are both contemplating the turn of events. Thanks for the reviews and follows. It is greatly appreciated.

**Chapter thirteen**

He squeezed her hand. He was grateful for her words. It lifted some weight from his shoulders. Before he could say or do anything he heard Abby's small voice. He didn't want to leave Lizzie, but he had to. As he approached the bedroom he could hear Abby calling out for her father. It happened more often that he wanted to admit that she woke up, calling for her father. And every time it happened, it tore at his heart.

"I'm here sweetie." He said as he quickly walked up to the bed and gathered her in his arms. She immediately calmed down and put her little arms around his neck. "Why don't we go and see Jethro?" He said, trying to distract her.

Abby nodded and let her uncle carry her to the living room where Jethro was still lying on his rug. Red sat her down on the ground and watched her go to the dog who lifted his head to see who was disturbing him. Lizzie joined them in the living room. She watched how Abby sat down next to Jethro and started petting his head. The silence was interrupted by Red's phone. Lizzie decided to give him some privacy and turned back into her kitchen. The only words she caught was Angela and that he would be right there.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie. I have to go." He apologised as he walked into the kitchen with Abby.

"It's okay. I understand."

"I'll be back tomorrow, okay?" He held her eyes a moment longer to see if she believed him.

Lizzie nodded. "Bye, Abby. It was nice meeting you."

"Bye miss Lizzie."

She watched them leave her house. Jethro walked up to her and put his head against her hand. He wanted attention. Lizzie opened the back door, walked out onto the porch and sat down in her rocking chair.

Red's words had quite an impact on her. On the one hand she was glad he'd explained why his time with her was limited. She even understood and the reason also saddened her. But part of her didn't like it. She realised that was selfish, but they had such a long road ahead of them and they could only get there if they could really give whatever they had a chance. If they were to succeed both of them needed to be all in. Neither of them was there yet, but she knew she would get there. She wondered if Red knew too. The obligation he felt weighed heavily on his shoulder and he wouldn't be able to push it aside. After being apart for a year she wanted his whole attention. She even needed it. Yes she was still dealing with a lot and yes she was still struggling with his presence back in his life. But she assumed they would have time and apparently their time was limited. Rationally she knew she had to give him space but her heart had different ideas. She wanted him to herself.

She ran a hand through her hair and laid her head back against the chair. She had to support him. He needed her. That much was clear. She wanted to help him through this. Red wasn't one to ask for help and he hadn't even in so many words. Why was it, now that their situation had gotten even more complicated, she was more willing to admit her feelings for him? Not to him, no she wasn't ready for that. But she did want him. She didn't quite know how to handle her conflicting feelings. Knowing she wasn't going to solve anything today she closed her eyes and tried to relax.

Lying in his bed, Red looked up to the ceiling, hoping there would be the solution of the predicament he was in. His mind was all jumbled. It frustrated him. He was glad he'd seen Lizzie today but there was just too much left unsaid. He'd already put Lizzie through so much and now it seemed like he was making matters worse. She deserved all of him and he wanted to give her all of him. But he couldn't and he didn't know how long it was going to take before he could. Nor did he know how long Lizzie was going to wait. He couldn't let Lizzie down but he also couldn't let his brother down.

In his nightmares both his brother's family and Lizzie would cry out for his help and it always ended with him failing them both. It was a realistic scenario. He was trying so hard to prevent that from happening that he sometimes thought he was accelerating the process even more. That no matter what he tried the outcome would always be that he'd lose them both. Lizzie's words of support meant a lot to him but he didn't want her to feel obligated nor did he want her to carry another burden. He felt like this was his burden, and only his to carry. She'd already dealt with too much. Though she was doing better, he knew and saw that she was still struggling with it all. He saw that she needed him, but was afraid to say so, probably because she thought he'd run away again. Sometimes she would look at him as if she still didn't believe he was there. There was also still a sadness in her eyes that hurt him.

Then there was also Angela. She was still hurting and trying so very hard to get on with her life. Around Abby she tried to stay strong and often succeeded, but as soon as Abby was gone she would often break down. She was clinging to him as if he was the only one who could keep her afloat. Since this week she'd finally started working again. Only a few days a week and only for a few hours, but it was a start. Yet she seemed to depend on him completely and he couldn't tell her it was too much. He'd also noticed that it seemed like she was dealing with misplaced affection towards him. She kept seeking him out physically, always looking for his closeness and touch. He had to rebuke her but didn't know how and so for now he let her. If this was going to continue he knew he had to reject her and it was something that was only going to add to her pain even if her feelings for him were misplaced. He didn't want to be the bad guy yet as some point he was going to have to. Lizzie was too important to him to not be clear with Angela. He turned on his side. The ceiling unfortunately hadn't brought him any answers. He hoped to get some sleep tonight and hoped sleep would bring him some much needed answers. He really didn't know how to get through this.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and follows. This chapter is a bit lighter than the previous one. Lizzie, Abby and Red spending some time together. I hope you enjoy. Remember this is AU.**

**Chapter fourteen**

It was the next day. Both Red and Lizzie had had a restless night. Lizzie had decided not to just sit around the house. It was a nice and warm day. Living at he beach was great and with weather like this she was going to enjoy herself. After a relaxing morning at the house, she grabbed her stuff to spend the afternoon outside. Jethro happily followed her.

Red was on his way to Lizzie. He wanted to spend time with her. Abby was with him also. She was excited about seeing Jethro again. Though they wouldn't have time to talk, being near her was enough to give him some peace of mind. He wanted to spend an entire day with Lizzie, just the two of them. He yearned for that, but he knew it wouldn't happen for quite some time yet. However he was going to try to spend as much time with her as possible. He just hoped Lizzie would be at home.

Just like the day before, when Red and Abby arrived at Lizzie's house there was no one there. They went in search of her on the beach. It was warm with the sun shining brightly. He was glad he brought sun lotion with him. When they found Lizzie he would put some on Abby. After quite a walk Red finally spotted Jethro and where Jethro was, Lizzie would be near. Jethro was running through the waves chasing what seemed to be a black lab. He wondered where the other dog came from. When he looked further up the beach he saw Lizzie, but she wasn't alone. There was a man standing next to her, much to close even. She even appeared to be laughing at something he said.

"Miss Lizzie." Abby yelled as soon as she saw Lizzie. She ran over to Lizzie as quickly as her short legs could take her.

Lizzie heard her name and turned around. She saw Abby running up to her. Looking past Abby she saw Red observing her. She couldn't see his eyes, the sunglasses and the distance hid them from her, but from his posture she could see he was tense.

"Is that your daughter?" The man Lizzie was talking to asked.

She'd just met Paul. His dog had run up to Jethro which had ended up with the two dogs chasing after each other. Paul had started a conversation with her. She wasn't blind, Paul was clearly interested in her. She kept the conversation polite, making sure she wasn't giving him any ideas. "No, she's not my daughter."

Lizzie crouched down to catch Abby in her arms. Laughing she lifted the cheerful girl in her arms. "Hi sweetie."

Abby put her arms around Lizzie's neck and kissed her cheek. Red was now only a few steps away from them. He'd taken his sunglasses off to observe the stranger. He looked the man up and down. He was a slender man, same height as Lizzie with dark black curly hair. He still thought the man was standing too close to Lizzie. He gave the man a cold, calculated look which he knew would be enough to chase the man away. It did the trick. The man quickly said his goodbye to Lizzie, put his dog back on the leash and left.

Lizzie sat Abby back down on her feet and watched Paul walk away quickly. She looked at Red and raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?" She asked.

Red shrugged. "Nothing. He probably had somewhere else to be." He put the bag he'd brought with him on the sand. Jethro was now next to him, barking at him to make sure he got a greeting.

"Right." She turned to Abby who was sitting on the blanket, trying Liz's sunglasses on. "Well, don't you look pretty." Lizzie said. Abby looked pretty in her purple dress. The sunglasses she was trying were way too big but it made her look adorable.

Abby was already distracted by Jethro who was standing next to her. The dog was towering over her, but gently licked her cheek which made Abby laugh loudly. "That tickles." Both Red and Lizzie laughed with Abby. Red was happy to see Abby laugh again. It was something that he'd missed lately. Being with Jethro and also Lizzie did her a lot of good. Maybe he should have brought her to meet Lizzie and Jethro earlier. But then again, Lizzie wouldn't have been ready for that yet. It was also good to see and hear Lizzie laugh. It was another beautiful sound he'd missed. He looked her up and down. She was wearing blue shorts which with a white short sleeved shirt. Her flip flops were in the sand, next to her blanket. She looked beautiful.

Lizzie felt a bit uncomfortable under Red's stare. He wasn't even trying to be subtle. He stared at her with that gentle look in his eyes, the one that made her go soft inside. She didn't quite know how to act when he looked at her like that. She quickly turned to Abby.

"Do you want to go play with Jethro?" Lizzie asked Abby.

Before Abby could answer, Jethro barked his agreement. "Yes."

"Come, I brought a tennis ball. Jethro's loves to chase it."

Abby immediately took Lizzie's hand. Jethro was already waiting impatiently for them, his tail wagging wildly. Walking up to Red, Lizzie placed her hand on his arm. "Why don't you relax for a while? I'll watch Abby."

"Are you sure?" Red asked. He was glad for the offer but didn't want her to feel obligated.

"Yeah. No problem."

He smiled. "Thanks. Let me put some sun lotion on Abby first, okay?" Red grabbed the sun lotion from the bag. Abby patiently stood in front of him and let Red rub the lotion on her shoulders and arms. To be sure he also put some lotion on her face. When he was ready he stood up and looked at Lizzie. "Wanna go next? I promise I won't miss a spot."

"I'm sure you won't." Lizzie laughed. Jethro barked again to make sure he wasn't forgotten. Abby grabbed her hand and quickly dragged her towards Jethro.

Red smiled as he watched the two walk away. He watched them play with Jethro for a few minutes. He enjoyed hearing both their laughter. He lay down on Lizzie's blanket and decided to rest his eyes for a moment.

**TBC... **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Thanks again for the reviews and follows. I really appreciate it. Here are the three of them just spending some time together. Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter fifteen**

Lizzie and Abby enjoyed playing with Jethro. They threw the tennis ball in the shallow water and Jethro enthusiastically jumped after every ball. After a while Jethro let the ball fall out of his mouth and made his way over to Red. Clearly he didn't feel like playing anymore. Lizzie however wanted Red to have a bit more time to himself and decided to go for a walk with Abby. They went back to her house because Abby needed to use the bathroom. On their way back and a bit out of nowhere, Abby started to talk about her Uncle Ray.

"Miss Lizzie?" Abby asked in a small voice. She was holding Lizzie's hand tightly.

"Is uncle Ray going to go to heaven just like daddy?"

"Sweetie." Lizzie heard the anxiety in the little girl's voice and it tore at her heart. She crouched down. "Your uncle Ray is never gonna leave you."

"You promise?" Abby asked as she threw her arms around Lizze's neck.

"I promise." She hugged the little girl tightly. She felt guilty for her selfish feelings of wanting Red for herself. Clearly his niece needed him more. She didn't want to keep Red away from Abby. "Let's go back to your uncle Ray."

A little while later they reached Red who was still lying down on the blanket. Lizzie put her finger on her lips to indicate to Abby that she had to be quiet. She didn't want to wake him up. He needed his rest. Abby quietly sat down next to her uncle while Lizzie put another blanket down. Abby lay down next to Red and snuggled into his side. Lizzie smiled at the picture the two presented.

"You have fun, honey?" Red asked, running his hand over his niece's hair. He looked up at Lizzie who was looking down at them with a smile on her lips. "Thank you." He said to her. Carefully he sat up, taking Abby with him who was leaning fully against him. Looking at Lizzie he saw her skin was starting to get red. "You're burning up, Lizzie. You should have let me put sun lotion on you."

Lizzie looked at her arms. They did look a little red. Maybe she should have let Red rub lotion on her. "I'll put some on now." She reached into her bag for her lotion.

"Want me to help you?" Red asked innocently.

"I'm sure I can manage."

Red followed Lizzie's every move as she applied the lotion on her skin. When she moved her hands over her legs, he felt his mouth go dry. He was mesmerised by her every move. It was Abby who kept him from staring at Lizzie any longer.

"Uncle Raaaay." Abby said as she tugged on his arm. "What are you doing?"

He looked at his niece who was looking rather impatiently at him. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you keep looking at miss Lizzie?" Abby was back on her feet, looking at him with her hands on her hips.

Red looked from Abby to Lizzie who was trying hard not to laugh, but failing. Then he saw the mischievous look in her eyes.

"Yes, uncle Ray, why do you keep looking at me?" She made sure to run her hands over her leg one more time even though the lotion was already rubbed into her skin.

"Because she looks pretty." He watched how Abby turned to Lizzie. "Don't you think so Abby?"

Abby nodded her agreement. "Can we go swimming?"

"No yet. We have to wait a bit longer. The water is still too cold."

Red grabbed the bag he'd brought with him. He'd brought some toys with him for Abby to play with. He took out the Frisbee and stood up. "Shall we?" He asked his niece. As he walked away with Abby, he looked over his shoulder to Lizzie. She was lying on the blanket, enjoying the sun. He sighed. He wanted to lie down next to her and hold her in his arms. Unfortunately he couldn't because they had an audience and he really didn't want any at all.

At first he threw the frisbee around with Abby, but that quickly changed when Jethro started to chase the frisbee and catch it. Jethro caught the frisbee every time. Abby asked her uncle to throw it higher and farther away to see Jethro jump after it. After a while Abby got tired. She walked back to Lizzie and lay down next to her. Lizzie woke up from the movement and saw Abby lying next to her. She smiled. She took the sun lotion out of her bag again to rub some more lotion on Abby. She didn't want the little girl to get burned.

Red watched Lizzie take care of his little niece and smiled. He really liked seeing them together. It was clear that Abby liked Lizzie a lot and Lizzie also seemed to care about Abby. Standing up from her spot on the blanket, Jethro quickly took Lizzie's place and lay down next to Abby. He put his paw on Abby's arm and his nose next to her face. Clearly he was going to keep an eye on her. Lizzie ran her hand over the dog's head before joining Red. They stood close, their shoulders almost touching.

"She asked me if you were going to leave her just like her father." Lizzie told Red what Abby had said to her.

Red sighed and ran a hand over his face. Sometimes he worried if Abby would get too attached to him even though he was never going to leave his niece. However in time his role in their lives was going to change. He didn't want her to get too attached yet he also wanted her to know that he would always be there for her.

"I'm afraid she'll get too attached." Red admitted to Lizzie. "I can't be her father, Lizzie."

She turned towards him and ran her hand over his arm. "She doesn't want you to be her father. She just needs her uncle Ray."

"I don't want to disappoint her."

He surprised her. This time it wasn't his honesty, but his insecurity. She didn't know this side of him. "You won't." When he didn't respond she closed the distance between them and put her arms around him. His arms immediately wrapped around her. The strength of his embrace surprised her. "You won't." She said again to reassure him.

He put his head on hers and inhaled her scent. It relaxed him. He was thankful for her reassurance. "I wanna spend the day with you, Lizzie. Just the two of us." He pulled back and looked at her. He pushed a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear. "I want to be with you, sweetheart." He whispered. He put his head against hers for a brief moment and closed his eyes.

She loved it when he called her sweetheart. She wondered if he knew what that did to her. He probably did. She enjoyed their moment.

"Thank you." Red said, kissing her hair. "I know this complicates everything and I don't want you to feel second place."

"I did at first, but I understand now. We'll find our way." It was once again Lizzie reassuring Red.

Red put his finger under her chin, tilting her head upwards. He softly brushed his lips over hers. It was a mere brush and over so quickly that she wondered if it really had happened. "Thank you." He whispered before pulling her back into his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **And so here is chapter sixteen. Red finds out that Lizzie is far from being fine. Thanks again for all the follows and reviews. I really, really appreciate it. Thank you also for hanging in there. This story is long from finished. There is quite a road ahead of them with many ups and downs. I hope you'll stay tuned.

**Chapter sixteen**

It was the end of their day at the beach. Red had taken Abby back home again, but promised to be back in the evening to take Lizzie out to dinner. He'd picked Lizzie up from her house and they'd gone to a nice small restaurant. Because of the nice weather they could still sit outside and so they did. The restaurant had a nice view over the ocean and it wasn't too busy.

"Abby couldn't stop talking about you." Red said. His hands itched to touch Lizzie. He wanted to have her in his arms and never let go again. Though that feeling had always been strong, after their embrace this afternoon it had only gotten stronger.

"She's a sweetheart." Lizzie smiled.

Red nodded his agreement. "Thank you for making this easier. I know it's been hard on you."

Lizzie looked down at the table. It was important for her to make it easier for him, to have him share the burden. But that didn't mean that it was easy on her. She needed more from him. Though she was doing a lot better since his return, she knew all too well that she still wasn't there yet. And she needed him to get back to herself again.

He reached out to cover her hand with his. He played with her fingers for a moment hoping she would share her thoughts. When she didn't it showed him that there was still so much to deal with. He blamed himself for her unwillingness to talk. Knowing Lizzie like he did, he knew she would put her own needs aside for Abby's and Angela's. He needed her to tell him when she needed him. He wasn't a mind reader. "Lizzie." He said, hoping she would look at him. When she didn't, he tried again. "Lizzie, please look at me." After he had her attention he continued. "It's okay to be selfish, Lizzie. It's okay to say to me that you need me. I…" He looked past her for a few seconds. "I want you to need me, just like I need you. I know you don't want to be the reason I can't spend time with my brother's family. But I don't want you to push aside your own needs and feelings."

She nodded at his words, but kept her eyes downcast. It was difficult for her to ask more of him when she knew what he was dealing with. "I don't know if I can."

"Why?"

"Because you're clearly needed somewhere else and I…" She paused and didn't continue.

"You…what?" He asked softly.

"I don't want you to feel obligated to be with me." She was afraid that he did.

He was glad she'd finally admitted what was really bothering her. "You will never be an obligation to me. Never." He said it with such conviction. He lifted her head with his finger under his chin. "I will always want to be with you, sweetheart. Only you." When he saw his words were getting through to her, he continued. "But I need you to tell me what you need or when you need me. I will do my best to make time for you. I may not be able to be there right away, but I will be there." He waited for her to respond, but she didn't. It frustrated him. His Lizzie was stubborn and that wasn't always easy. "Promise me, Lizzie."

She shook her head. She really didn't know if she could promise him. She didn't want to be the one who kept him from his family.

At that moment he hated it that they were at a public place. He didn't quite understand what she was saying or better yet refused to say. She wanted to be with him, she needed him. That much was clear but she was unwilling to accept his words and feelings. "Lizzie." He said, his voice without his usual warmth. He bit the inside of his cheek. They were going to talk and they were going to do so now. Standing up, he held out his hand for her to take.

"What?" Lizzie questioned him.

"We're going to talk." He said seriously.

"But…" Lizzie wanted to say they had to wait for their dinner.

"No." He signalled for her to take his hand. She finally did so. On their way outside, he told the waiter to hold their food until they were back.

Standing outside, Red pulled Lizzie close, holding both her hands in his. "I don't know what to do to make you believe that it is okay for you to need me. What's holding you back?" He couldn't keep the hurt and anger from his voice. Getting through to Lizzie was always difficult.

"I don't know."

"Don't…" His body trembled. He was trying hard to stay calm. "You know, Lizzie. You know. Don't do this to us." It was time to push her. "I can't do this on my own. I love you Elizabeth. I want to be with you. I want to share my life with you. But I cannot do this on my own. Your unwillingness to share will destroy what we have. Is that what you want?"

"No." She whispered. She pulled her hands out of his and stepped back. She was shaking due to the turmoil his words caused her. He'd told her he loved her. For her it came out of nowhere. She didn't know how to react to that. She wasn't even sure she believed it. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm afraid that you will resent me for needing you in my life." A single tear slid down her cheek. "I am afraid that I'll need you too much. I'm afraid you'll leave me again." She took a shuddering breath. "I'm afraid I'll get so lost again that I won't find my way back." The tears flowed freely now. The crying made her whole body shake.

"Sweetheart." Red whispered before pulling her into his arms and holding her close. It broke his heart to see her in such pain. He was glad she finally shared her fears, but it made him realise how much she depended on him and how much they still had to deal with. These last few days she'd clearly put up a front. Her positive and understanding attitude were a lie and she was using his situation as a cover. She wasn't okay and she felt the need to hide it all from him. When he felt her calm down he gently extracted Lizzie's hands from his body and took a step back. As he did so he saw she immediately wanted to close the distance again.

"We have to work on your sharing. I don't want to push you like this every time, okay?" He said, looking her in the eyes.

"Yeah." She agreed in a soft voice.

He quickly pulled her in for a short hug again. "Let's go back inside and enjoy our dinner."

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Here is the next chapter. Thanks again to those who are still hanging in there. I totally appreciate the reviews and follows. I hope you will keep following this one. This chapter, some sweet Red and Lizzie moments and also some sweet Red, Lizzie and Abby moments.

**Chapter seventeen**

It was the end of their evening and Red and Lizzie were walking to the car when Red's phone rang. He gave her hand a small squeeze before picking up and stepping away from her to answer the call. From what she could hear there was something with Abby and it appeared that he had to go straight home. After ending the call he walked back to her.

"That was Angela. Abby woke up from a nightmare and won't calm down. She keeps asking for her father. Angela still struggles to deal with it." He ran a hand over his head. He didn't want his evening with Lizzie to end. He hadn't even had the chance to kiss her yet. Something he'd wanted to do for quite a while now.

"I understand."

"Let's go." Red held out his hand for her. "She's been asking for you too."

"Who?" She took his hand and let him lead her to the car.

"Abby."

She faltered. She was going to go home with Red to see Angela and Abby. She wasn't quite sure if that was right. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Why don't you drop me off at my place?" She suggested.

"You don't have to come with me if you don't want to, but I would like it if you join me." They were at the car now and he turned around to wait for her answer.

She saw how important this was for him. "Okay." She nodded. "If you're sure."

"I am." He thanked her with a kiss on her cheek. He walked her to her side of the car, opened the door for her and waited for her to get in.

About half an hour later they were at the house where Angela and Abby lived with Red. Red opened the door for them and Abby's crying could be heard immediately. He quickly took the stairs up to first floor to Abby's bedroom. Lizzie followed him. On the landing and stepping out of what she assumed was Abby's room a tall woman with long blond hair appeared. The woman immediately threw herself in Red's arms telling him that Abby wouldn't calm down. Red hugged her briefly before walking into Abby's room leaving Angela and Lizzie behind.

"Hi, I'm Elizabeth." Lizzie introduced herself, holding her hand out for Angela to shake who did so.

"Angela."

"Lizzie?" Red called for her from Abby's bedroom.

Lizzie nodded politely at Angela as she passed her. Stepping into the child's bedroom she saw Abby in Red's arms, looking over his shoulder to her.

"Miss Lizzie?"

"I'm here sweetie." She walked up to Red who was sitting on the edge of Abby's bed and sat down next to him. Abby let go of Red and crawled into Lizzie's lap. She gently rubbed her back to calm the little girl down.

"Can I come visit you again?" Abby asked in a small voice.

"Of course you can."

"And I can play with Jethro?"

"Yes. He'll like that."

"Really?"

"Mmm…" Lizzie hummed. "He likes to play."

"I like him." Abby yawned and put her head on Lizzie's shoulder. "Can I get a picture of him?"

"Sure."

They were all quiet for a moment. Red watched Lizzie closely. It warmed his heart to see her with his niece. It made him love her even more. Looking at Abby he saw the little girl's eyes closing. "Come here sweetie." He lifted her from Lizzie's arms and put her back down on the bed. He kissed her forehead before turning to Lizzie. He took her hand in his and pulled her up.

Angela waited for them in the hallway. Lizzie noticed how she immediately walked up to Red. The two of them talked softly as Lizzie waited a short distance away from them. As the two said their goodbyes, Lizzie saw how Angela leaned into Red to hug him and seemed reluctant to let him go. When Red kissed her cheek, she saw Angela's eyes close and her body linger. Angela's move seemed odd to Lizzie, but for now she wouldn't mention it to Red. Besides she didn't know Angela well enough to draw any conclusions.

"I'll take you home." Red took her hand in his and together they left the house.

Back at Lizzie's house, Red and Lizzie walked into her house and were immediately greeted by Jethro. He happily wagged his tail and ran a couple of rounds around them.

They sat down in her living room on her couch. They sat close together, however their bodies didn't touch. Neither seemed to be willing to give in to the urge to be close to each other. Both for different reasons. Red seemed to think Lizzie wasn't ready yet and Lizzie doubted if she let herself get close to him she would be able to let him go and she knew she had to let him go. She also wondered if her need for him was a weakness. It felt like it sometimes.

"I can hear the wheels turning." Red said. After their talk at the restaurant he wondered if she was more willing to share her thoughts with him now.

"Sorry." She turned her body towards him. Carefully her hand reached for his.

"Don't be sorry." He waited patiently for her. The hesitant movement of her hand reaching for his didn't go unnoticed by him. He didn't move though.

Hesitantly she traced the back of his hand with her finger. It was strange that despite his words at the restaurant she was still unsure. She knew she had to push passed that insecurity. She had to, otherwise they could never be. She swallowed. "I wanna be close to you." She admitted in almost a whisper. She kept her eyes downcast. "I want you to stay, but I know you can't."

"Sweetheart." Red whispered in a rough voice. To hear her say she wanted him close, that she wanted to stay was something he longed to hear from her. "Come here." He pulled her into her arms and loved how she curled into him. He breathed in her scent and welcomed the feeling of belonging her presence gave him. "I want to stay too." He admitted, yet what Lizzie said was true. He couldn't stay, not yet, Abby's nightmare had proven that. "And I'll always want to be close to you."

They sat like that for quite some time. Jethro had found his spot back on the rug in front of the fire place and was vast asleep. Lizzie put her head on Red's chest and listened to his steady heart beat. The safety and warmth his arms offered lulled her to sleep eventually. When Red heard her breath even out he knew she had fallen asleep. He lifted her in her arms and walked her to her bedroom. He gently lay her down on her bed, pulled the covers of her and kissed her hair. "Sweet dreams, Lizzie."

TBC...


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Here's chapter eighteen. For those still hanging in there. Thank you. I really appreciated it. Thank you for you reviews and follows. A bit of a warning for the upcoming chapters. I wanted Red in swimming shorts. To make that happen they had to go swimming. I never established the time of year this fic is taking place. When I decided on the swimming it needed to be summer or almost summer. In this chapter Lizzie needs to open up or Red will walk away. I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter eighteen**

It had been a week since she'd last seen Red. It felt like the progress they'd made was wiped away again. For every two steps forward it seemed like they moved ten steps back. It frustrated her. It also scared her. Was it a sign that their relationship could never work out? That for some reason they were better off apart? Of course she was part to blame. Once again she'd closed off from him. Red had called her the first day after their date, telling her he wouldn't be able to see her. He'd even asked her a couple of times if she would be okay. That if she needed him he would be there for as long as he could. But, like always, she'd declined. It was something she regretted now. Half way through the week she'd considered calling him and asking him to come over, but she hadn't. In a way she felt too proud or was it just too stubborn?

Now it was Saturday and the day Abby and Red were coming over to spend the day. They were going to go swimming. The entire week the weather had been great so the water would be warm enough. Abby had been looking forward to it every day as she had told her so on the phone. But Lizzie was nervous. It would be the first time since a week that she was going to see Red and she knew he was going to be cross with her. It would once again be a strained greeting and once again she felt unsure of herself and them. Maybe that doubt was also a sign?

There was a knock on the back door before she heard Abby's excited voice. This caused Jethro to bark loudly. He was clearly just as excited. She opened the door and Abby greeted her enthusiastically.

"Miss Lizzie! I missed you." Abby threw herself into Lizzie's arm.

Jethro wagged his tail and barked at Red who greeted him with a pat on the head. After Lizzie put Abby down, Abby hugged Jethro.

"Hello, Lizzie." Red greeted her. He caught her eyes before she quickly looked away. He wasn't happy with her. Apparently their talk hadn't helped or something else was going on. He was mad at his own situation and inability to spend time with her this week. Clearly his absence had caused problems. "Abby, can you stay inside for a moment with Jethro while I talk to Lizzie?"

"Okay, uncle Ray." Abby hopped into the kitchen to make her way to the living room. Jethro followed her in a slower pace.

Red grabbed Lizzie's hand and guided her onto the porch. With his next move he surprised her, but also himself. He cradled her face in his hands, closed the distance between them and pushed his lips against hers. There was nothing gentle or sweet about their first kiss. She was so surprised by his kiss that she didn't even react. It was nothing like she'd imagined. She hadn't expected him to be this rough with her. Clearly he was frustrated with her. His hands had moved to her waist, holding her tight. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. She watched him catch his breath and noticed his dark pupils. She waited patiently for him to calm down.

Red watched her reaction to his kiss. He hadn't planned it. Whenever he thought about their first kiss, and he'd done so many times, it was never this rough. He bowed his head and calmed his breath. He was ashamed by his behaviour. Lizzie made him act on impulse and he wasn't used to that. He was a man who planned everything, always looking at the bigger picture. Lizzie was unpredictable in a way and that affected him. "I apologize, Lizzie. This is not how I wanted our first kiss to be." He ran his hand over his head. He needed to calm down. "What is it that you want, Lizzie?" He asked, tilting his head.

"What do you mean?"

He felt his frustration close to the surface. He didn't want her to run away and he was certain that if he let his frustration surface she would. "I don't' know how to get through to you. I'm not sure you even want me to." He paused to watch her eyes widen. "Do you want me to go, Lizzie?" His voice was cold and distant. He did so to protect himself. In his opinion he'd had his heart on his sleeve, but Lizzie's heart was still surrounded by thick walls. He seriously questioned if he would ever be able to make his way through to them. He took her hesitance as a sign to go. He looked past her to the door and thought about Abby. She'd been looking forward to this day the entire week, asking him every day if they were really going to go swimming with Lizzie.

He cast his eyes downward. He wasn't going to be the only one to fight the good fight. "I'll go get Abby and we'll be out of here." He stepped past her and just as he was about to step out of reach, her hand gripped his arm.

"Don't go." She whispered.

They were standing with their backs towards each other. This moment was crucial to their future. She let her hand slide down his arm to his hand to entwine her fingers with his. She pulled slightly on it, hoping to get him to close the distance between them again.

He relented and turned back to stand in front of her. He watched how her other hand was raised mid air. The hesitance that gesture showed how she felt. But this was now all up to her. She needed to push through this. A decision was made because her hand was no longer mid air, it was now on his chest.

"I know I'm not good at this." She cast her eyes downward. For now it was easier to talk to him without looking at him. "I'm trying so hard to be strong. Not just for me, but for you too."

"Why for me?"

"Because I don't want to be a burden."

"Why do you think you're not strong?"

"I know I'm not strong. I feel I'm not strong."

Finally they were making a little bit of progress. "What do you need to feel strong again?" He asked.

She took a deep breath. "You."

"Then why won't you let me in?" He took the hand she had on his chest in his. Softly he pulled her a little bit closer.

She shifted from one foot to the other. "Because what if you leave again?"

"There's nowhere else I want to be. I'm not going anywhere."

"How can you be so sure? How can I be sure that whatever happened that made you disappear the first time, won't happen again?"

Now he understood her. This was the core of the problem. She had no assurance that he wasn't going to disappear again. "Do you think I would come back into your life if I even had the slightest clue that I would have to disappear again? Stepping out of your life hurt me too. But I did so to ensure your safety. As soon as I knew the threat was eliminated I started to find my way back into your life. That threat is gone now." He paused for a moment. "If you want me, I am here to stay. But you keep pushing me away. The only threat we are dealing with now is your rejection to us being together."

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **For those who are still hanging in there with me. Thank you! I really appreciate it. Thank you for the reviews and follows. Here's chapter nineteen. A step forward is being made and dare I say it, even a bit of fluffyness. Still a long way to go for them though. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter nineteen **

If she rejected him now, if she rejected them now, she knew he would walk out of her life and never return again. But could she trust his words? Would he really never leave? Then again there were no certainties in life.

"I need you." Lizzie whispered. "It scares me how much."

"Why?" He asked. Even though the steps they were making were tiny, they were at least getting somewhere now.

She let go of his hands and stepped passed him to lean against the porch. She looked out onto the sea. "Because of the way I lost myself." She eventually said. "There's a part of me that's hesitant to trust you again, to make you a part of my life again. Guess that's me trying to protect myself. But there's also a part of me that screams for me to let you in. That's the part of me that knows I need you. I've been battling with those feelings ever since you came back into my life."

"How can I help?" Maybe another question needed to be asked first. "Do you want me to help?"

"Yes." Lizzie whispered.

"How, Lizzie?" He stepped closer to her until his chest almost touched her back.

"By being persistent, by showing me that you won't leave. Be with me."

Red wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest. His lips brushed her neck before he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I'll be persistent. I'll show you that I won't leave. I will break down those walls that you built, but you have to stop putting them back up again, sweetheart."

"I'll try." She liked being close to him. It made her feel safe and it had been such a long time since she'd felt safe. "I have the tendency to ruin what is good for me because I fear I don't deserve it."

He didn't understand where that insecurity came from, but it was something that they would have to deal with. He recognised that part of it was his fault. He had really misjudged what his disappearance would do to her. She'd cared so much more than she'd let on. His need to protect her had blinded him. Still his disappearance had been a necessary evil.

"I missed you." Lizzie whispered as she leaned back against him.

He tightened his grip on her. "I missed you too, sweetheart." His whisper made her shiver which he noticed but didn't comment on.

They stayed silent and simply enjoyed their closeness. It was Lizzie who moved first. She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his chest. She snuggled closer, laying her head on his chest. She breathed out a contented sigh. "Red." Her voice was muffled against his chest.

"Yes?"

"How did you imagine our first kiss?" She asked.

Red smiled though Lizzie couldn't see that. "Slow and sweet." He said, lowering his voice on purpose. "Want me to show you?" He ran his hands slowly up and down her back.

"Maybe." She teased.

Just like before he cradled her face in his hands. Slowly he closed the distance between them and watched how she closed her eyes in anticipation. His lips almost brushed hers when a familiar voice interrupted them.

"Uncle Ray, can we go swimming now?" Abby called out impatiently to her uncle. She was standing at the back door with Jethro behind her.

Red put his head on her shoulder and let out a frustrated sign. This made Lizzie smiled. "I love her dearly, but she has bad timing." Red whispered.

"Let me go grab my things and then we'll go." Lizzie said to Abby. She kissed Red's cheek, stepped out of his embrace and walked inside her house.

"Uncle Ray?" Abby said as she skipped towards her uncle. "Do you like Miss Lizzie?"

"Yes." He looked at his niece for a clue where this was going. You never knew with kids. They were unpredictable.

But Abby didn't say anything else. She nodded, turned around and skipped back into the house. She went in search of Lizzie who had just grabbed her bag.

"Hey Abby. You ready to go?"

"Yes." She took Jethro's leash that Lizzie gave her. "Miss Lizzie, do you like uncle Ray?"

"I do." She waited for Abby to say something more, but she didn't. She simply walked out the door with Jethro following closely. Lizzie shrugged, checked her bag to make sure she had everything and left. On the porch she joined Red, Abby and Jethro. She smiled at the picture they presented. A picture that caused a certain longing within her. Red held out his hand to her which she easily accepted.

"I hope you'll be wearing a red bikini." Red whispered in her ear as he took her bag from her.

Lizzie laughed. "Really? And why is that?"

"Because red looks good on you."

"Well, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Lizzie walked away, laughing at Red's mumbling. She quickly reached Abby who again was impatiently waiting for them. It was time to go swimming.

TBC...


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **For those who are still hanging in there. Thank you! Thank you for the reviews and follows. Now it is time for some fluff and well this was all about my fantasy of wanting JS in swim shorts and get him in the water. This seemed like a good way to do. And well there will be more swimming just because of my fantasy. I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter twenty**

Red watched as Lizzie helped Abby her out of her summer dress. He saw how Lizzie pointed at the pink bathing suit Abby was wearing. It had small yellow smiling sunny faces on them. She had picked it out herself this week.

"Uncle Ray." Abby yelled. "Aunt Lizzie likes my new bathing suit too."

Both Red and Lizzie stared at each other. Neither knew where that came from, nor did either of them really mind. Red knew that in time Lizzie would be his wife and she would officially be Aunt Lizzie to Abby.

"Have you seen Aunt Lizzie's bathing suit already?" Red asked innocently as he joined them. He used Abby's words just as easily. He put their bags on the sand and sat down.

"I think uncle Ray holds more interest in my bathing suit than Abby." Lizzie pointed out.

"Can we go swimming now?" Abby asked impatiently. She looked from one adult to the other. Who was going to go with her?

Lizzie looked at Red who didn't make any move. Apparently it was up to her. She shook her head. She knew why. He wanted a show. Fine. She would give him a show. "I'll go with you sweetie." Lizzie kept her eyes on Red as she started to undress. First, she loosened the ties of her skirt. Then she slowly pushed the skirt down her thighs. The long blouse she was wearing covered her thighs so he could only see her long legs. She kept eye contact with him as she started to unbutton her blouse. As she reached the last button she saw him swallow and lick his lips. She let the blouse slip from her shoulders and she saw his eyes widen. She was wearing a red bikini, just like he'd hoped.

The urge to walk over to her, pull her in his arms and caress her body was strong, but he couldn't give into it. Not with Abby there. He regretted taking Abby with him on this trip. That red bikini looked gorgeous on her. She was beautiful even though it was clear she'd lost too much weight. He was going to make sure she would gain what she's lost. But it would take time and he knew now that they would have that time.

She decided to tease him a little bit more. She took the sunlotion from her bag, squirted some in her hand and started to rub the lotion onto her skin. She looked at Abby for a moment and saw that the little girl was now sitting in the sand next to Jethro. She appeared to be having a conversation with the great Dane. She smiled at that before turning her attention back to Red. She grabbed some more sunlotion and lathered her legs. When she was finished with her legs she had only one more question to ask.

"If only I had someone to help me put lotion on my back. You don't happen to know someone who could help, do you?"

However before Red could answer, Abby answered for him. "Uncle Ray can help you."

They had to be careful around Abby. She thought the girl wasn't listening but apparently she had. Lizzie tilted her head to the side and looked at Red. She held the sunscreen out for Red and waited for him. Slowly he approached her and took the bottle from her hands. He walked around her to admire her body. Stopping at her back he poured a generous amount of sunlotion in his hand. He slowly started to rub the lotion on her skin, starting with her shoulders. "Red really looks beautiful on you." He whispered in her ear.

"Mmm…" Was all Lizzie said. She bowed her head and let herself enjoy this. His big hands moved slowly over her back making sure the sunscreen was rubbed on to every bit of skin. Even after he was sure she had more than enough sunscreen on her back he kept caressing her body.

He knew he had to stop at some point, but it was difficult. Now that he could finally feel her skin under his fingers, he yearned for more. He wanted to feel her body under his. He allowed himself to softly kiss her shoulder before stepping back. "All done." He said in a rough voice, clearly affected by what he'd just done.

Lizzie turned around and looked into his darkened eyes. She leaned in and kissed his cheek letting her lips linger for a brief moment. "Thank you." She turned back to Abby and as she walked away from him, she made sure to sway her hips just that little bit more. "Come on Abby, let's go swimming." Lizzie took Abby's hand in hers and together they hopped towards the water with Jethro running after them.

Red watched Lizzie and Abby playing in the water. They kept in the shallow water where Lizzie could still stand and Abby could swim. Jethro kept standing in the water. Apparently the dog didn't feel like swimming. It warmed his heart to hear Abby and Lizzie's laughter again. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Lizzie as he saw the water run down her body. He knew it wasn't polite to stare but he really couldn't help himself.

Lizzie let Abby push her backwards in the water and pulled the little girl with her. She wondered why Red hadn't joined them yet. She'd caught him staring at her a couple of times not and she had to admit, she didn't mind. She'd felt a bit insecure in her bikini. She knew she was still too thin and she was afraid it would be too obvious. Even if Red saw it and she was pretty sure he did, he didn't comment on it. By the way he kept looking at her, she knew he found her beautiful. That settled her nerves and helped with her confidence.

"Uncle Ray." Abby yelled at her uncle. "Come swim with us. We can play tag."

Lizzie watched Red remove his white button up shirt. Now it was her turn to stare. He had broad shoulders and muscular arms. His chest was covered with some chest hair that made her want to run her fingers through it. He had a slightly protruding stomach which she didn't mind at all. She'd never been a fan of those too muscular men with a six pack. No she definitely preferred this. She also liked how the black swimming shorts that reached his knees looked on him. She watched him make his way through the water towards them. Seeing the twinkle in his eyes she knew that there was no use in hiding her admiration for his body.

Just before Red reached them he saw Lizzie whisper something in Abby's ear. He paused for a moment. What were they up too? There was no use in standing still. If he wasn't going to come to them, they would come to him and so he closed the distance between them. Just as he reached them, he was attacked by the two girls. Lizzie and Abby splashed him wildly with water. Though Abby's small hands didn't really cause that big of a splash, it was Lizzie who threw most of the water on him. He growled at them; which made Abby laugh even harder.

"You shouldn't have done that." He said to them both, trying to look menacing, but he probably failed. "Now, which one of you should I grab first for my revenge?" He looked from Abby to Lizzie and made his decision. He slowly advanced towards Lizzie.

"Watch out Aunt Lizzie." Abby screamed.

Lizzie watched him approach her and for a moment she got distracted by the water running down his chest. That momentary loss of focus made it impossible for her to avoid him as he lunged his body at her. Wrapping his arms around her he threw his body forward, taking her with him into the shallow water making their heads go under also. He kept his arms around her waist as they resurfaced.

"You shouldn't have done that." Lizzie said. She felt him pull her closer until her back hit his chest.

"Done what?" He asked.

"You..." Before she could finish her sentence he pushed her under again, this time letting her go.

Red turned towards his laughing niece. He walked towards her momentarily forgetting about Lizzie. "Ready for your turn, Abby?"

"No." And as quickly as she could Abby swam towards Jethro who was keeping an eye out for them. "No, uncle Ray." She yelled again.

However he had made one big mistake. He'd turned his back on the enemy. When Abby cheered for Lizzie he was already too late to prepare for the impact. Lizzie practically tackled him, shoving her entire body against his back making him fall face forward into the water.

As he resurfaced he saw Lizzie'd joined Abby already. He noticed her wide eyes and knew she'd felt his scars. He sighed. With them going swimming she was going to see them. They no longer hurt, but they did make him feel self-conscious. He shook his head lightly. They would talk about that some other time. Seeing her small nod he knew she'd understood. Caught up in staring at her again he'd missed Abby swimming towards him.

She looked up at him with a big smile on her face. "We won."

"Oow, really?" He bent down, took her in his arms and tickled her making her laugh hard. "Now who won, Abby?" He asked again after he stopped tickling her.

"Aunt Lizzie." Abby threw her small arms around her uncle's neck. "But you did good too uncle Ray." She kissed his cheek.

"Mmm…" With Abby in his arms he walked to Lizzie. "We'll try again later, but then you are on my side, okay?"

Abby shook her head. "Nuh-uh, I don't want to lose.

Lizzie caught the last bit of their conversation and smiled. "She's a smart girl."

TBC...


	21. Chapter 21

**a/n: **Another fluffy chapter. Just the three of them spending time together and Lizzie letting Red in. I hope you like it. Thanks for the reviews and follows. Thank you for still hanging int here with me.

**Chapter twenty-one **

Lizzie picked up her towel and dried herself off. Red and Abby were still in the water. She'd left them to give them some time alone. She heard their laughter and couldn't help but smile. She thought about the scars on Red's back. They looked bad though it didn't seem like they hurt or bothered him. She wanted to know how he'd gotten them.

She watched Red whisper something in Abby's ear that made her giggle as they approached her. Once again she admired Red's physique as the water drops ran down his body. He was such a distraction that she didn't see Abby running up to her. Abby hugged her tightly making her dried skin wet again.

Abby looked up at her uncle. "Did I do good?" She asked.

"Yes you did. I'll help you though."

And before she knew it, Red had her wrapped in his arms even lifting her off her feet for a moment. She squealed as soon as his cold and wet body touched her. She heard Abby's laughter and knew it was their intention all along. Not that it wasn't nice being wrapped in his arms. If he could surprise her, she could surprise him. She wrapped her arms around him after he'd put her down again and took that one step closer that brought their bodies in full contact and put her head on his chest. She lightly caressed his back, her fingers running softly over his scars. Red's arms tightened around her as he put his head on top of hers.

"Do they hurt?" She asked, mumbling against his chest.

"Not at all, sweetheart." He lowered his head to whisper in her ear.

"Will you tell me what happened some time?" She tilted her head a bit back to look at him.

Looking into her blue eyes Red knew he could never deny her anything, nor did he want to deny her this. She had a right to know. He wanted her to know. "I will."

"Thank you." She placed a lingering kiss on his chest and ran her hand down his chest through his chest hair before stepping out of his embrace. She turned towards Abby who was lying on her stomach on her towel with Jethro besides her. She grabbed some more sunscreen for Abby. After making sure Abby's skin was well enough protected against the sun, she sat back down on her towel. She held the bottle out to him which he accepted.

"What? You're not going to help me?" He pouted.

"I can help you uncle Ray." Abby jumped up and quickly grabbed the bottle out of Lizzie's hands. "I'll always help you, uncle Ray, just like you help me." With her small hands Abby began rubbing the sunscreen on his arms. Lizzie in the mean time made sure his back was taken care of. After a few minutes Abby and Lizzie were ready. Abby went back to lying on her towel. Lizzie stepped in front of him, ready to put the sunscreen on his chest. Red however stopped her by taking the bottle from her hand.

"Let me do that." He said.

Lizzie tilted her head to the side. "Can't handle it?" She teased.

"Oow I can handle it, but I don't think we want an audience." As he put the sunscreen on his chest he saw how Lizzie watched his every move. "Some other time." Read teased her. "Come on, let's lie down and enjoy the sun."

For the rest of the afternoon they enjoyed the weather and each other. Lizzie still wanted to ask Red if he could stay, but was unsure how to ask him. She walked a few steps behind Red and Abby as they made their way back to her house. Part of her was already saddened by the fact that this great day was already coming to an end. She wanted more, more of these days. She'd promised Red she was going to share more with him. That she wasn't going to hide any longer. Therefor it was up to her to ask him to stay and if he couldn't he would at least know she wanted him too and could maybe stay another time.

"Uncle Ray, is aunt Lizzie your girlfriend?" Abby asked as she leaned against her uncle.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you kiss and hug and walk hand in hand just like mommy and daddy."

He couldn't fault her her logic. "Then I guess she is my girlfriend."

"You gonna marry her?"

"I hope so." Red answered. One day Lizzie was going to be his wife. Of that he was sure.

"Can I be the flower girl?"

"Yes you can sweetie." He hugged his niece close. He'd noticed how near the end of the afternoon Lizzie had gotten a bit quiet. Something was on her mind. He hoped that she felt confident enough to talk to him about it. She'd been seeking out his closeness the entire afternoon and he enjoyed that. Not only did he enjoy it, it also showed him she was letting him in. It was something he needed as much as she did.

At her house he let Abby walk in first. Just as he was about to step into the kitchen Lizzie called for him. He walked back onto the porch and waited for her. Jethro didn't follow Abby, but decided to sit down on the porch, keeping his eyes on his boss.

"I really enjoyed spending this time with you and Abby." Lizzie started.

"I did too."

She closed the distance between them, seeking out his closeness once again, taking his hands in hers, entwining their fingers. "Can you stay?" She asked without looking at him.

He smiled at her question and the fact that she couldn't look at him. "I thought we agreed that we'd stay till after dinner." He had an idea what she really wanted to ask, but she was going to have to really ask him.

"I know." She nodded. "Can you stay the entire day, come back after you bring Abby home?"

"I'd like that." But he saw there was still one thing on her mind. He decided to help her out like he'd promised her he would. "Is that all you wanted to ask?"

Lizzie shook her head. "Can you stay the night? I need a good night sleep. I haven't slept well the entire week." She looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. "I think I'll sleep better with you here."

"I'll bring Abby home after dinner and then I'll come back." He pulled her in his arms. "You look beautiful in your red bikini."

"You don't look so bad yourself either."

"Not so bad, huh." He contemplated her words for a few seconds. He ran his hands up and down her arms. "Let's go back inside. I don't want us to get something started here and end up with Abby interrupting us again." He kissed her temple before he let go, leaving a smiling Lizzie behind.

TBC...


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews and follows. I knew the little bit of fluff would make you happy. Some are still worried about Angela, but for now she won't make an appearance. However, there are some bumps in the road ahead. Lizzie is far from being okay. A step forward may mean a couple of steps back. Still I hope you will hang in there with me and hope you will enjoy it.

**Chapter twenty-two**

She was sitting outside on her porch enjoying the weather. It was still nice outside. She thought back about her dinner with Red and Abby. They'd barbequed and eaten outside on her porch. She hadn't eaten a lot and she knew Red had noticed. She knew he would want to talk about that. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. It seemed like the more time they spend together, the more at peace her body felt. Her mind also, but it warned her to be careful still. Part of her wanted to give in, let him in wholeheartedly, but it was hard. She still had a hard time believing that life was finally looking up for her. She felt like she better prepare for a storm to come. It was a feeling that didn't seem to leave her. She sighed. It seemed like all day every day her thoughts were all over the place.

Red quietly took the few steps to the porch, put his bag down and watched his Lizzie. She was his girl, the woman he loved and it seemed that the more time he spend with her, the stronger his feelings for her got. She'd changed clothes after he'd left. She was wearing sweatpants and a blue navy t-shirt that looked familiar. How did she get hold of one of his shirts? He'd noticed that first day he stepped into her house that she had some of his things. There was his hat on the mantel piece. Sometimes she wore his watch and she had the pen she'd stabbed him with. He'd never commented on his stuff in her house. He wondered if having these items in her house reassured her, maybe even comforted her.

"Did you enjoy our day?" He asked, making his presence known.

Lizzie opened her eyes and smiled. "I did. You?"

He nodded. "Me too. You look…relaxed." He said referring to her comfortable clothes.

"I am relaxed." She paused for a moment. "Spending a day at the beach, lying in the sun, swimming in the ocean. How can I not be relaxed?"

"Mmm.." Red hummed in agreement. He felt just as relaxed. "Is that my shirt you're wearing?"

"Yes." She looked down at the shirt and started playing with the hem.

"Where did you get it?"

"After your… funeral Dembe and I cleared out your last safe house. I…" She thought back about that day. If it hadn't been for Dembe she would have broken down completely. She'd wandered through the house at first, going from one room to another, reliving memories. Eventually she and Dembe had cleared out the house together. It took quite some time with both of them stopping every once in a while to share a memory or grief together. "Dembe told me if I wanted to keep anything, I could." She shrugged. "So I did." She shifted in her seat. "It was all I had left of you." Her voice was thick with emotion.

He pushed his own emotions away because he needed to focus on her. "I like how it looks on you."

She smiled despite the emotions the memories brought back. "I like it too." She hesitated. "In the beginning it comforted me. Still does." She admitted.

"I'm glad it does." Though he preferred to bring her comfort personally.

She finally looked at him. He made no move to go to her. If he didn't, then she should. Standing up she walked up to him on her bare feet. The height difference between them seemed more prominent now. He smiled softly, watching her approach him. When she stopped in front of him, his hands immediately found its spot on her waist. She looked at him, watched how he watched her with a tender look in his green eyes. Gently she traced his jaw with her finger, feeling the slight stubble. He let her watch him. He stayed silent, letting her touch his jaw. She seemed mesmerised and he wondered why. After a moment though he felt he needed to express his worries.

"You hardly ate anything tonight, Lizzie." Red said. "That worries me."

"You don't have to worry." She stopped tracing her jaw, crossed her arms and took a step back. The defensive gesture wasn't lost on either of them.

"But I do. I will always want to protect you and take care of you. I want to spend every day and night with you. But you know I can't just yet. I cannot break my promise to my brother. I have to make sure Angela and Abby are okay. You know that's why I can't be with you as much as I want too." He took a deep breath. Talking about his promise to his brother still hurt. "I know you didn't take care of yourself when I was gone. You were drinking, you hardly ate and were depressed. I know you're doing better now, I can see you're doing better. But you're not there yet and you know that." He looked at her and saw she was uncomfortable. "I lay awake at night worrying if you're taking care of yourself. It gives me sleepless night, because I know you're not." He saw she was about to protest. "No, Lizzie. You know I'm right. I think you're beautiful, sweetheart and I always will. But I want you to be healthy too. I need you to be healthy. Don't think I don't need you as much as you need me."

His little speech silenced her. She felt the tears in her eyes. He always had the ability to leave her speechless. She never expected that he needed her. She always thought she was alone in the depth of her feelings. Having a hard time controlling her emotions, she kept quiet and nodded to let him know she understood.

"You going to take better care of yourself?" He asked, needing to hear the words from her.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Will you look at me, please?" He needed to see her eyes to know if he was really getting through to her. When he did he saw her tears. It showed him that she was far from being back to her old self. She still had a long way to go and she needed to lean on him.

"I'm sorry." She apologized. She looked away from him, before she turned away form him. She felt ashamed.

TBC...


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews and follows. Thank you for hanging in there with this fi. Here's the next chapter. Lizzie takes care of Red and Red is just his sweet self with her. Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter twenty-three **

He wasn't about to let her walk away. He grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Why are you walking away?"

She struggled a bit before stopping. She sniffed. She didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. She'd cried too much already.

"Why do you keep walking away from me, Lizzie?" He asked again. He saw her shrug. He let go of her and stepped up to her. Quickly he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest. He kissed her cheek. "It's time to stop walking away." He nuzzled her neck. "I won't let you go, you should know that by now."

"I don't know how to do this, Red."

"Do what?"

She tried to free herself from his arms even if it felt so nice. She felt his arms tighten around her. He wasn't going to let her go. In defeat she let het weight rest against him entirely. "I'm tired." She said, ignoring his question.

He knew what she was doing, but he would let her. It was still early, but she needed her sleep. "How about you get ready for bed and I'll take Jethro for a short walk before closing up. Okay?"

"Yeah." She felt him letting her go. She didn't turn around to look at him. She simply walked inside, leaving him behind.

Lizzie was in her bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Red to return. She was unsure of what was appropriate for her to wear to bed. Eventually she'd decided to wear her regular outfit, one of his shirts and her panties. She wanted to share her bed with him, wanted to sleep in his arms, but was anxious about it. She wondered if he had a side of the bed he wanted to sleep on or maybe it didn't matter to him. When she heard him enter her house she quickly slid into her bed. She pulled the sheet up to her chin and stayed quiet, listening to his movements around her house. She heard him whisper to Jethro before he locked the door. She heard his footsteps getting closer and within a few seconds he was in her bedroom. She was on her side with her back towards him and stayed like that. She felt nervous and excited. She was glad to finally have him with her, but now that the moment was there she felt unsure. She listened to his every move. When he was in her bathroom she let herself relax for a moment. A little while later he was back in her bedroom again. When he moved to the bed she held her breath as she waited for him to get in. She felt the bed dip under his weight and felt him lay down.

"Don't forget to breath, Lizzie." Red whispered in her ear making her shiver.

That's when she turned around and cuddled close to Red, pushing him onto his back. She wrapped her arm around his waist and laid her head on his chest. She let out a content sigh. Red smiled even though she couldn't see it. He kissed her head and caressed her shirt clad back.

It was only then that she noticed that Red wasn't wearing a shirt. She blushed and was happy he couldn't see her. She left her hand wander over his chest, something she hadn't been able to do at the beach. Her fingers ran through his soft chest hair. She kept her touch feather light, her fingers moving from the middle of his chest to his stomach and up again. She couldn't resist placing a kiss on his shoulder. She let out a content sigh.

He wanted to see her, needing to look in her eyes to know she was really okay. He'd felt how tense she was at first. He was glad she relaxed almost immediately. If she hadn't, he would have left her alone and slept on the couch. He turned on his side to face her. That's when her hands drifted around his waist to his back. He tensed. Though she'd touched his scars already, seen them also, it still wasn't easy for him to share that part of him with her. He was embarrassed about them, his Lizzie deserved a whole man, not a man who was covered in scars. Scars that showed a weakness of a time when she wasn't in his life.

She felt him tense. Clearly his scars were a sensitive subject. She looked at him and saw the insecurity in his eyes. It surprised her. She'd never expected him to be insecure about anything, let alone his body. He seemed so confident in everything he did and most of all very confident in who he was. In some way it reassured her. He had his weaknesses too. She felt him retreat, but she didn't let him. She kept her arms around him, kept caressing his back. "It's okay." She whispered.

He closed his eyes, not wanting her to see what her words and her touch did to him. He shook his head, not quite believing her words. Her caress soothed him, it settled his nerves.

"Can you turn around for me?" She asked him.

He was hesitant, but looking into her eyes, he saw that he needed to do this for her, even if it felt uncomfortable. After a day in the sun his skin itched and he knew he needed lotion. He didn't have any with him nor did he want to ask Lizzie for any. Carefully he turned on his other side, his back now to her. He felt her small hands on his back, her fingers tracing his scars. They itched and even though he tried to ignore that he couldn't so he tried to move away.

"I'm sorry." Lizzie apologized when she saw him move slightly away from her.

"No." Red softly said needing her to know that his reaction wasn't because her touch was unwelcome. "It itches. It's because of the sun. The skin is still sensitive."

"Let me put some lotion on it." Lizzie was already moving off her bed to go to her bathroom. When she stepped back into her room she paused as she saw how Red was now lying on his stomach, the sheet up to his lower back, giving her a good view of his broad shoulders and back. His arms were up, his hands pillowing his head. He was already waiting for her to rub the lotion on his back.

She quickly joined him on her bed. Making it easier on herself she straddled his lower back. If he was surprised by her move, he didn't show it. She carefully put the cold lotion on his back and started rubbing it into his skin. She started on his shoulders before making her way down his back. She heard his soft moan of appreciation and smiled. Some of the scars were rough and others were softer. Not for the first time since she saw them she wondered what happened and thought about the pain he must have gone through. That thought stuck in her head. The pain must have been unbearable. What had made him go through that pain? Had there been someone to take care of him? Did he go through the pain alone? She took a deep breath trying to keep the emotions her thoughts caused at bay. Rubbing the last of the lotion on his back, she moved from his lower back and quickly turned away from him. She sniffed softly hoping he wouldn't hear it, but as soon as she felt his hand on her shoulder, she knew he had. She hung her head.

He moved till he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him. He didn't say a word. He simply gave her time to get her emotions under control knowing all too well she didn't want to give into them. The fact that his pain caused her this much distress did something to him too. It warmed his heart that she cared so much for his wellbeing. "Thank you." He whispered into her hair before kissing her temple. "Let's get some sleep." He moved back into the bed, giving her room to join him, holding the sheets up for her.

Lizzie put the lotion on the nightstand and quickly joined him. Seeing him move back she slid in. Red's arms immediately wrapped around her, his legs entangled with her and his body spooned hers, enveloping in his warms. She let out a content sigh. This felt so right. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart." He whispered into her ear before he placed a soft kiss in her neck.

TBC..


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **My apologies for the delay. I wanted to finish my other fic first. The last few chapter were happy, but Lizzie and Red still have a long way to go and it will be quite a bumpy ride. And it starts now. But despite the angst, keep the faith because I will always want a happy end for these two. A short chapter, but I promise you won't have to wait too long for a update. I hope you enjoy and reviews are always great appreciated.

**Chapter twenty-four **

He wasn't really sure what exactly had woken him up. There was restless movement next to him and he heard different sounds. He opened his eyes and realised it was Lizzie who was making the movements and sounds. Looking past her he saw Jethro was sitting next to the bed, his head on the matrass looking intently at his boss. Her movements and sounds apparently had woken the dog up too. Before he had the chance to calm her down her movements got wilder, her head turning from left to right and back again. Her soft whimpers turned into muttered words. At first he could only make out the word no. She said it a couple of times, each time getting louder.

Standing up on all four, Jethro was now getting restless. He tried to wake Lizzie up by nudging his nose against her arm. He walked over to the other side of the bed, indicating to Red that he wanted help. Red patted the dog on his head. "She'll be fine, Jethro." This seemed to ease the dog's mind who sat down and waited.

Red turned back to Lizzie, who was now trashing around on the bed, her legs and arms moving around. He moved closer but he had to be careful not to get hit, however that didn't go as planned.

"Raymond! No!" She screamed, sitting bolt up right on her bed, hitting his shoulder with her head.

He felt her piercing scream go straight through him and it caused his heart to beat wildly in his chest. It was the first time she'd called him by his given name, but this was never how he imagined it to be, never in this distress. He quickly grabbed her by the shoulders, guessing that was enough to wake her up.

"Don't leave me." She tried to struggle free from his grip. The tears were running down her cheeks. "I promise I won't disappoint you. I promise I'll be good." She whimpered.

His heart broke when he heard her pleas. His emotions were all over the place, but he had to push it all aside. He needed to focus on her. He put his arms around her, pulling her against his body. "Lizzie." He said trying to wake her up. When that didn't work, he tried again, this time louder, shaking her lightly. "Lizzie!"

Jethro had walked back to Lizzie's side of the bed and was now howling lightly. He couldn't reach her because she was now in the middle of the bed. Jethro put his front feet on the bed and inched closer until he could reach Lizzie again with his nose.

"Elizabeth!" Red tried again to wake her from her nightmare, this time finally succeeding.

Waking up Lizzie felt restrained. She immediately tried to free herself. She felt disoriented, scared and her emotions were all over the place. She always felt like that waking from a nightmare, but the restrained feeling was new. She tried to free herself again.

"Stop, Lizzie." Red said as she tried to push him away.

"Red?" She remembered going to sleep lying in his arms. She wiped away her tears, immediately feelings ashamed. "I'm sorry." She apologized. She always dealt with the aftermath of her nightmares alone. She'd foolishly thought her nightmare wouldn't occur when he was with her. She should have never asked him to stay. She felt Jethro pushing against her arm. She pushed away from Red with a force that probably surprised both of them. She turned to Jethro, hugging him against her. Just like every other night, Jethro comforted her.

"Lizzie?" Red asked. His voice cracked. Though he promised himself to keep his emotions at bay, it was difficult for him. Especially now when he watched her retreat. He would let her, knowing he needed time as well as she did.

She left the room without saying a word, leaving him behind in the dark in her bed. Jethro of course followed her. In her living room she walked to her couch and let herself fall on it. She remembered her nightmare, she always did. It was always about Red leaving her. Though the scenario was never the same, it always came down to him leaving her and her begging him not to go. This time a case had gone terribly wrong because she'd blown their cover. Her failure caused Dembe's death. This made Red yell at her, telling her she was not a good agent, that she was useless, that he was better off without her. After that he'd left her alone. The tears were rolling down her face again.

He sat down on the edge of her bed, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He felt disgusted with himself. This is what his disappearance had done to her. This is what he did to her. The urge to leave was big and it took everything he had not to give in to it. He promised her he wouldn't leave and so he wouldn't. He took a few deep breaths, hoping it would calm him down, but it didn't. He wanted to punch something or someone, wanted to destroy something. He couldn't. It hurt him also that she pushed him away so easily. He'd hoped that she would seek comfort in him, seek out his closeness like she'd done so the entire day. Yet at the moment he thought she would need him most, she didn't want him. She'd walked away from him. He knew it was because of the nightmare, that didn't make it hurt any less though. He sighed and crawled back into the bed. He wasn't going to go to her nor was he going to leave. There was nothing else to do then to wait, hoping she would come back to bed. He listened carefully for any sounds, but didn't hear any. He wondered what she was doing. Was she crying? Was she angry with him? Was she going to grab a drink? That last thought almost made him get up and check on her, but he couldn't. He was ashamed to go to her simply because he was a big failure. He'd failed the most important person in his life even if he thought it was for the best. He didn't deserve her. He really didn't. Maybe it was best he did leave.

TBC...


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** Here's another chapter. A bit more angst and yet a bit of sweetness. I just love caring Red. Thank you for the reviews, thank you for hanging in there with me. I hope you keep hanging there.

**Chapter twenty-five **

Thirty minutes later and Red was still alone in her bed. He sighed. He got up to look for her. Finding her was easy. He stepped into her living room and found her sleeping on the couch. Jethro was lying on the floor in front of the couch. He smiled at that. The Great Dane would always protect and comfort his boss. Red crouched down next to the dog, tilted his head and looked at his Lizzie. The dried tears were still noticeable on her cheeks. Gently he lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the bedroom. Jethro followed him quickly. Once again in the bedroom he carefully lay her down on her bed. He pulled the sheets back over her making sure she was tucked in. He let himself run his hand over her hair before leaving her alone in her bedroom. It didn't feel right to share her bed with her anymore. It was for the best that he slept on her couch in the living room.

The following morning Lizzie woke up quite early. Stretching and yawning she expected her hand bump into him. When it didn't she turned on her side and touched his side again. It was cold. She quickly sat up and that's when she remembered her nightmare. Had he left her? She felt her heart constricting and her breathing quickened. She knew she was about to have a panic attack and knew she had to calm down. That was easier said than done though. She bolted from the bed and ran out of her bedroom on her bare feet. In her living room she immediately spotted him on her couch. The mere sight of him was enough to calm her and she felt the panic attack slowly go away. She grabbed Jethro by his collar just as he was about to go to Red. She didn't want the dog to wake him. She made her way to her kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. With her cup of tea in her hand she padded back into her living room and sat down in one of her chairs with her legs under her. In silence she contemplated the man she cared so deeply for. She knew she'd had a nightmare but she never remembered much about them the following morning. Had her nightmare chased him away from her? Did he not want to sleep next to her because of it? She finally had him with her for an entire day and night and she managed to screw it up. She remembered being wrapped in his arms, surrounded by his warmth. She'd honestly thought he would keep the nightmares at bay. It was foolish to think so. She had the urge to lay down against him on the couch, curling her body against his.

Standing up she put her tea cup down and carefully stepped to the couch. He was on his side, his back against the back of the couch, facing her. She carefully sat down at his hip. When he didn't wake up she gave into her urge. She slowly lay down against him, sliding her body against his. She put her head against his chest and slung her arm over his waist. She let out a content sigh. When she felt him move, she stayed still, wondering what he was going to do. She heard him hum and then felt his arm move across her waist, pulling her closer against him. She expected him to say something, but he didn't. They stayed like that for a while until Red started to move again. He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him. He was going to give himself this, let himself hold her close. When he heard her content sigh he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin. Her hair felt soft against his chest and her face cool. The urge to kiss her was immense, but he couldn't. Not when in the back of his mind he was still angry at himself. He'd already made the mistake once to kiss her angrily, he wasn't going to do so again. He caressed her back and shoulders and simply held her close to him, feeling her body move as he breathed in and out. Both knew this moment couldn't last. The question was who was going to broach the subject.

Lizzie was glad she'd given into her urge. She couldn't stop caressing his chest, her fingers gently running through his soft chest hair. She snuggled her head some more against his chest. This was her new favourite position for sure. Smiling she gave into another urge. She put her lips on his chest and gently kissed him, just above his heart. She was delighted by the shiver running through him. Feeling daring she pushed herself up a bit and slid upwards until she could look him in the eyes. Not wanting to risk that her courage would leave her, she lowered her lips to his, brushing them lightly. When he didn't immediately react her lips brushed his with a bit more force, trying to coax a reaction from him. She failed though. His body tensed, his hands grabbed her by the shoulders, slightly pushing her away from him. Feeling ashamed and hurt she pushed herself upright and slid off his body.

"I'm a fool." She whispered. She quickly stood up, wanting to get away from him as soon as possible. She couldn't handle his rejection.

He was so surprised by her kiss that he reacted too late to her exit. He quickly jumped up from the couch and followed her. He'd failed her yet again. "Lizzie." He called her name. He followed her to the bedroom, but she closed the door in front of him.

"Go away, Red!" Lizzie almost yelled.

"No." He walked into her room, closed the door behind him, this time not wanting Jethro there with them. He saw Lizzie standing at the window, her body shaking lightly. She was trying to stay strong but he knew his lack of response felt like a rejection to her. He had to prevent this from escalating. With a few paces he was next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his body. She immediately started struggling against his hold, but he was stronger. He cradled her face in his hands making her look at him. "I'm not rejecting you, sweetheart." His voice, though soft, was determined. Seeing the tears roll downs her cheeks, he quickly wiped them away with his thumb. "I would never reject you." He said again. "You surprised me. I wasn't expecting this, especially after last night." He whispered. Seeing understanding in her eyes he smiled at her. "Come here." He said before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her close again. He softly caressed her shoulders and back, placing soft kisses on her hair until he felt her calming down. "I'll always want you, Lizzie."

**TBC...**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **well we shippers had quite a blow to deal with after the last episode. Well since half S2 I have been living in my happy S1 Lizzington bubble and I will continue to do so. For those who are still willing to hang in there or have for so long with this fic I thank you. Red and Lizzie talk about her nightmares in this chapter and grow a little closer. I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter twenty-six**

"I hoped your presence would be enough to keep the dreams at bay." Lizzie mumbled against his chest. She knew she had to be the one to broach the subject.

He tensed when she uttered those words. She'd wanted him there keep the dreams away, but he hadn't been able too. He'd failed. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

She shook her head against his chest and pushed him away. Looking up at him she saw him watching her carefully. "There is nothing to apologise for. If anything, I should apologise." When she saw him shake his head, she stopped him from saying anything by putting her finger on his lips. "I should have told you about them."

"Why didn't you?"

Lizzie stepped out of his embrace and walked back to her bed. She sat down on it, legs crossed and pulled the sheets over her legs. She shrugged as if the next words were unimportant. "I…" She hesitated. "I'm still getting used to the fact that you're back in my life." She looked at him and saw him still standing near the window. She'd hoped he would have closed the gap and joined her on the bed. Not wanting to ask him for what she needed she continued. "Not only are you back, but things are also different for us now. I am still adjusting to those changes. It might take me a bit longer than you."

"Is that the only reason you didn't tell me?" He had no trouble reading his Lizzie and he knew there was a part that she wasn't telling. He'd seen how she wanted him closer so he joined her on the bed. He sat down next to her, on top of the sheets, with his back against the headboard. He put his hand on her knees, rubbing his thumb against her skin.

"No." She almost whispered. "It feels like a weakness." She eventually started to tell him. "I feel ashamed. I kinda thought the nightmares would stop after you came back into my life, but they didn't. They simply changed."

"Changed how?"

"At first they were all about your death. Every night you died again and every time I felt that pain all over again." She shrugged, trying to pretend it wasn't a big deal. Her body however betrayed her as it started to move closer to Red until she was leaning against him. His arm immediately went around her. "After a while I could deal with it. The alcohol helped too. It knocked me out."

"It numbed you." Red added.

"Yeah." She was silent for a moment. Laying her head on his shoulder she closed her eyes briefly. "Ever since your return you no longer die, but you disappear from my life. You always leave me behind and you're so angry with me. I always ask you to stay, but you always leave. Even if you promised me you wouldn't." She didn't want to cry anymore, but it was hard to hold back the tears. She quickly buried her face in his neck. "I'm left all alone again. No matter what I do, no matter what I promise, nothing I do is ever good enough to keep you with me."

He kept quiet as he let het cry because even though she tried hard to avoid him from seeing her cry he felt het body shake lightly and her tears on his skin. He was glad she'd shared her nightmares with him, but not happy with what happened in them. His faked death and his presence back in her life had much more impact on her than he ever thought possible. He couldn't let this continue any longer. It was clear to him that at the moment, his presence in Lizzie's life was more important than his presence in Angela and Abby's life. She needed him around and he hoped that if they spent day and night together her fears would slowly vanish.

"It's still early, how about we sleep a bit more?" He pulled her down with him until they were lying on the bed again.

Lizzie got comfortable next to him. She was on her side, her leg thrown over his, her arm wrapped around his waist and her head on his shoulder. She let out a content sigh. "I'm sorry I pushed you away after the nightmare. I've been dealing alone with them for a while now. I didn't want you to see me like that."

"I know, but you're going to have to push that feeling aside. It's okay to show me your pain." He slipped his hand under her shirt and caressed her back.

Within a few minutes she was about to fall asleep when she heard a soft howling. Jethro. "Did you close the door?" She asked.

"I did."

"Why? He's used to being able to walk into my bedroom. He always comes to check on me when I'm sleeping. I like that."

"I thought I was more than enough company for you, but you need Jethro, huh. I'll remember that." He teased and it seemed like Jethro heard him because he started to howl a bit louder. And judging from the scratching at the door he was impatient too.

"If you don't open the door, we're not going to get any sleep."

Reluctantly he let go of Lizzie and got out of the bed. "In due time, he doesn't have to check on you anymore because I'll be here every night. He'll have to get used to that." He opened the door for Jethro who immediately walked to the bed to check on his boss. Lizzie had slid closer to the edge of the bed and hugged her sweet dog. "I'm here, sweetie." She whispered and kissed him on the nose.

Red quickly joined Lizzie back in bed. He slid closer until her back touched his chest. Wrapping his arms around her and entangling his legs with hers he pulled her against him. He placed a kiss behind her ear. "Now that your sweetie is here, you can go to sleep."

Lizzie smiled at that. "I'll sleep much better knowing Jethro is with me." She teased him.

Red growled at that. He tickled her for teasing him. Her squealing and squirming made him smile.

She giggled. "You're not too bad to have around either."

"Mmm… not too bad huh." His hand slid under her shirt again, but this time not on her back, but on her stomach. He immediately felt her shiver. "Sleep well, Lizzie. I'll be here when you wake up."

TBC...


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **For all those who keep hanging in there. Thank you. For me this is the longest fic I have ever written and this was is special to me and I am glad people enjoy it. So thank you! Here's the next chapter. Some happiness for Red and Lizzie.

**Chapter twenty-seven**

She woke up from the door closing. Immediately she sat up straight in her bed. Looking beside her she saw that once again, Red wasn't next to her and again the spot beside her was cold. She felt a slight panic, but that quickly disappeared when she heard footsteps approaching. A moment later, Red stepped into her bedroom. Seeing her sitting right up in her bed, he saw the slight panic in her eyes. He gave her a pointed look, but didn't say anything about it.

"Good morning." He greeted her. He walked to the window and opened the curtain.

"Where did you go?" She asked from the bed.

"Went for a walk with Jethro." He didn't go to her, but let her be for a while. "I'll make breakfast." With that said he left her alone in her bedroom.

After a nice long shower and getting dressed Lizzie watched Red move around in her kitchen. She let herself admire him for a moment. His strong back, his nice ass and the way he stood there. She enjoyed having him in her house. She was glad she'd asked him to stay. Jethro's bark ended her day dreaming and she quickly sat down at the table. Without a word Red put some food in front of her. In silence they both ate their breakfast. After breakfast Red cleaned up. He saw Lizzie was a bit unsure of how to proceed. He was going to let her follow her routine of the day and would just hang back and relax. He did have to go to his brother's house. Since he planned on staying with her for at least the next few days, he needed to get some more clothes. He watched her walk out of the kitchen with Jethro following behind her.

He joined her outside and waited for het next move. He didn't have to wait long. She turned around so she could look at him. She smiled softly at him. "Thank you for staying."

"You're welcome." He returned her smile.

She was sad. She knew she was lucky he' been able to stay as long as he had with her. He eventually had to go. She shook her head. She wasn't going to go there. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed him approaching her. His finger under her chin made her look up. His nearness surprised her. She got lost in his green eyes for a moment. The way he looked at her made her feel like she was the only one he would ever see. Seeing him smile again she started to feel shy and wanted to turned away from him. However, his hand on the side of her neck stopped her. Slowly, as if he didn't want to spook her, he closed the distance between them. Their breaths mingled and then he touched her lips with his. At first it was a mere brush, but he quickly wanted more. He brushed her lips with his a few more times before he caught her bottom lip softly between his lips. Her subsequent soft groan, urged him on. His other hand entangled in her hair, holding her close. Tilting his head his tongue touched upper lip, begging for entrance which she gladly gave. As their tongues met, even if it was not the first time it felt like it, he got caught up in her. He kept the kiss, slow and sweet, just like he wanted it to be. His tongue stroked hers, explored her mouth and let her explore his. Her sweet whimpers tested his self control. He'd always wanted her, but now that he had a true taste of her, he knew he would never want anyone else. She was his, just like he was hers. Reluctantly he ended the kiss, mostly because air was something he needed if he wanted to kiss her again. Seeing her slight move forward with her eyes still closed after he ended the kiss made him lean in for a mere brush of lips.

"That is how I imagined our first kiss." He whispered in a rough voice.

"Mmm…" Was all Lizzie was able to murmur. His kiss had left her breathless, literally even and unsteady on her feet. She saw him smile and blushed. She enjoyed their kiss quite a lot and it was unexpected even. Unexpected but really not unwelcome. She'd wondered, after that first somewhat forceful kiss, when he would kiss her again. Surely there had been moments when he could have. But he hadn't and it had made her wonder if he was ever going to do it again. That made her think if she maybe had to take initiative, but she'd wanted him to make the first move again.

He smiled at her apparently inability to speak. He liked that he could render her speechless. "That good, huh." He smirked. He really couldn't help himself.

This brought her out of her slight daze. She hit his arm hard. "Don't get ahead of yourself, okay. Takes more to knock me off my feet." She smiled.

"Come here." Red grabbed her hand and pulled her against him. "I'll promise you will be knocked off your feet."

"Promises, promises." Lizzie said against his neck before she placed an open mouth kiss on his neck. "But remember." She whispered in his ear, her lips almost brushing the shell of his ear. "I.." She kissed him just below his ear and felt his arms tighten around her. "give.." She kissed his jaw. "as good as.." She whispered, her lips a whisper away from his. "I get." She pulled back and smiled when he finally opened his eyes. "But I like to keep you on your toes." She leaned up on her toes and kissed his nose.

"And you do." He smiled. He was happy to see some of the old Lizzie returning. He hadn't seen this carefree side of her in a long time. Pulling her back into his arms, he kissed her forehead. "Now, what would you like to do today?"

"I…" She leaned against him, her head on his shoulder. "I don't know. I have some grocery shopping that I have to do. I think I'll go visit the market with Jethro. After that I don't know."

"Mmm… May I accompany you to the market?" He asked.

"Euuhh...Sure, but don't you have to go…home?" She hated that last word, hated that home for him was Angela and Abby and not her.

"No." When he felt her pull back to look at him, he stopped her by wrapping his arms tighter around him. "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days."

"You are?" She couldn't hide the delight in her voice.

"I am." He contemplated his next words. "Last night made me realise that my presence here is needed more than at my brother's house. You're my priority, Lizzie. I want to be here with you. I want to take care of you." This time he pulled back to look at her. He framed her face in his hand. "Is that okay?" Her bright smile was all the answer he needed. "Good." He said. "So, we're going to go grocery shopping then?"

TBC...


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: **As always, thank you for the reviews and follows. Here's the next chapter. Red and Lizzie spend some time together but when another man shows interest in Lizzie there's trouble.

**Chapter twenty-eight **

Red and Lizzie were at the outside market at the small town. The weather was good. It was nice to walk by the different stalls with produce. Red had Lizzie's hand in his, their fingers entwined and he held Jethro's leash in the other. Lizzie let Red lead the way. She was happy he was here with her. The fact that he was going to stay with her really felt like a weight had lifted from her shoulders. With him by her side she knew she would heal faster. The simple fact was, and by now she could admit it to herself, she needed him in her life. She never before considered the possibility of having a soul mate. She still had a hard time believe that, but with Red, in a way it seemed to hold truth. She felt connected to him and his absence had made it all that much more obvious that without him she was half of a whole.

Red kept walking from stall to stall, buying all kinds of fruits and vegetables. So much more than she usually bought. "You don't have to feed the whole town you know. It's just the two of us."

Red stopped and looked at her. Leaning in he kissed her cheek. "I just want to make sure we have good and healthy food." He was going to make sure that this week she ate good and healthy. "Come on." He slightly pulled at her hand and they continued their stroll.

At a certain point the food stalls were gone and now there were stalls with arts and crafts. But also with beautiful handmade jewellery and clothes and accessories you'd never find in a store. Usually Lizzie never visited this part of the market. Today however Red just continued walking and Lizzie couldn't stop herself from strolling from stall to stall to browse through all the different articles and objects. Red left her alone for a while to look at one stall that had caught his interest.

Lizzie was looking at some scarfs when the owner of the stall walked up to her.

"I'm glad you finally decided to grace my stall with your presence." The man greeted her.

"Excuse me?" Lizzie looked at the man. He was tall, muscular and had blond hair and bright blue eyes. He was handsome, but not her type.

"I'm sorry. That came out wrong. What I am trying to say is that I've seen you here before, but you never walked this way. I'm glad you did."

"Thank you." She didn't quite know what to think of him.

"I'm Jason." The man introduced himself. "You live nearby?" He asked.

"Yes, I do." She started to look through the scarfs some more. "These are beautiful." She remarked as she touched a few of them.

"They are." He nodded. "They will look beautiful on you."

Lizzie blushed. She didn't quite know how to deal with the obvious appreciation she saw in the man's eyes. "Thank you." Was all she managed to say. She looked through some scarfs. She was glad when another customer appeared and needed Jason's attention. However the woman quickly made her choice, paid and was gone again. Jason turned his attention back to Lizzie.

"You never told me your name."

"I'm sorry." Lizzie apologised. "I'm Liz." She shook hands with Jason. "Do you live here?" She asked. Jason seemed nice and so far she'd avoided every conversation with strangers. She'd always kept to herself. Now that she was finally feeling better, she felt more comfortable to meet new people.

"No I don't. I come to this market once a week but I have my own shop in Burton. I'd love for you to come visit one time." Jason smiled at her.

"That would be nice. What kind of shop do you have?"

Jason stepped closer to Lizzie, getting in her personal space. "Mostly accessories, scarfs, bags, wallets, some jewellery."

"Do you have a business card with the address information?" She never did give herself much time to shop, but that didn't mean she didn't like it. Maybe Red would join her some day?

"Of course. I'll be right back."

Jason returned a few minutes later with a business card and a scarf. "I wrote my phone number down too." He said, handing her his card. "Also, I have this beautiful scarf." He handed her a beautiful red scarf.

It had different shades of red, ranging from light to dark. It really was beautiful. Lizzie carefully let it slide through her fingers. "It's beautiful." She wondered if Red would like it. She looked around for him, wanting his opinion. She finally found him and Jethro standing on the other side of the small street they were on. She smiled at him, happy to see him again. However, he didn't return her smile. She didn't quite know what she saw in his eyes. He also didn't seem inclined to join her. But she had Jethro who would make sure he would. She called out to her dog who was sitting at Red's feet and immediately stood up and ran over to her with Red being pulled around behind him. Liz greeted Jethro with before she smiled at Red. "Hi." She said softly.

Red merely nodded. He'd watched his Lizzie with the man from the stall. He was standing far too closely to her for his liking. He'd also seen Lizzie smiling at the man. She didn't seem to mind that attention. From the moment he'd seen them together he felt a pang of jealousy run through him. She was his girl. He didn't like it that other men showed their interest. He knew all too well how beautiful she was and he felt lucky that she was in his life. But scenes like this made him insecure too. He was all too aware of his flaws. Those flaws made always made him doubt how right he was for Lizzie, or better said, how wrong he was for her and the fact that she deserved better. But he was a selfish man and he wanted her in his life and just as a friend simply wasn't good enough anymore.

Lizzie tilted her head to the side and observed Red. She didn't understand his mood. He was distant. He usually sought her out, placing a hand on her back or her arm or taking her hand in his. He always got in her personal space and she liked that. Now he seemed to be certain not to get into her personal space. His stance was also very rigid. Well even if he seemed to want to avoid any contact, she didn't. She reached for his hand, entwined their fingers and slightly pulled on his hand to get him into her personal space. "Do you like this one?" Lizzie asked, holding the scarf in her hands to show him.

Red nodded. The scarf was beautiful and he was sure it would look beautiful on her. "How much is it?" He asked, addressing the other man for the first time.

"It's a gift." Jason said, keeping his eyes on Lizzie.

"I can't accept that, Jason."

"Please." Jason took the scarf from her hands and draped it across Lizzie's neck and shoulders, letting his hand linger on her shoulders.

It took a lot of Red's willpower not to push the man away from her. The urge to punch the man was getting stronger and stronger especially when the man didn't move out of Lizzie's personal space.

"No, really. I can't accept that. How much is it?" Lizzie asked.

"30 dollars." Jason relented. He looked at the man who was staring dangerously at him.

Silently Red handed over the money. With the money exchanged and the scarf packed in a small paper bag Red immediately turned away from the stall and walked away. Liz quickly said her goodbye to Jason and promised him she would come by to visit him. Within a few steps she joined Red again.

"Hey." She said to get his attention. When he just kept walking she grabbed his hand once more and pulled on it to get him to stop, which he did. She walked around him to look at him. "Hey." She said once more. Once again he didn't meet her eyes so she put her hand on his cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Liz rolled her eyes. Did he really think she was going to believe him? She would leave it for now. They were going to talk when they were back home. She leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. Taking Jethro's leash in one hand and Red's hand in the other she led them back to the car.

TBC...


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: **I will keep on living in my happy Lizzington S1 bubble. It seems that is the best option considering the current events on the show. I keep on shipping. Here's the next chapter. A bit of role reversal. Lizzie confronts Red. But Red is reluctant to talk. Thanks to all who are hanging in there with me. I really appreciate it and I hope you like this chapter too.

**Chapter twenty-nine **

Back at her house Red and Lizzie put the groceries away. With the beautiful weather outside they went for a short walk along the beach. Hand in hand they strolled along with Jethro either walking in front of them or a bit behind them. He never went too far away from them.

"Will you tell me what happened at the market?" Lizzie asked.

"What do you mean?" Red simply kept walking.

Lizzie shook her head at his words. "You know what I mean." She stopped walking and waited for him to do the same. When he didn't she asked him to. "Stop walking please."

Red stopped and turned around. He watched how Lizzie walked up to him. She was still wearing the scarf the guy had picked out for her. It looked beautiful on her, but he really didn't like it that he'd chosen it for her. The exchange between Lizzie and Jason had left him feeling insecure. It was a feeling that surprised him and he didn't like to be surprised. All this time he'd been so focused on Lizzie and ensuring they were making progress that he'd forgotten the fact that when she was truly herself again she might realise he wasn't the right man for her and seek someone out like Jason. Someone better suited for her.

"I thought we were having a great day and out of nowhere you're cold and distant. Why?" When he didn't answer she tried again. "Was it something I did?" She heard the tremble in her own voice.

"No." Red immediately answered. He didn't want her to start feeling insecure again, not when she was finally starting to get her confidence back again.

"Then what happened?" And just like before Red stayed silent. Lizzie was getting frustrated. He always pushed her to get her to talk, but he wasn't very forthcoming himself. "So I have to talk, but you don't? Is that how this works?" She raised her voice. "I don't think so, Red. You've been telling me I have to share, but when I ask you to do the same in return, you don't have to? That's bullshit." She pointed at him. "You make me believe that you want to be with me. But it feels like I'm the only one putting in the effort."

"That's not true, Lizzie and you know it." Red felt himself getting angry. She wasn't being fair. He'd shared a part of himself that he hadn't shared with anyone in years. The fact that she was now accusing him of not sharing anything hurt. "I told you about my brother, I told you about my fears about his family. Don't tell me that it's a one way street."

"Why not?" Lizzie exclaimed. "I don't understand, Red. We were having a great day. Yesterday was great, this morning was great. But just like that you shut me out and you won't tell me why. Just when I think things are looking up, you do this. Damnit, Red." She was in his face now and pushed him away from her with both hands on his chest. "Why do I have to practically beg you to share something with me? Think about that." Lizzie turned away from him and walked away.

Red followed her back to the house. He kept a distance between them but never let her out of his sight. He was angry at himself for letting her walk away. He knew she was right. What he had shared with Lizzie so far wasn't easy either, but this concerned his biggest fear, losing her Seeing her with that other man had made it so much more real. Lizzie was his one weakness. She left him feeling exposed without her realising it. He had to be vulnerable around her, something that didn't come easy for him. Was his heart safe with her? Could he be vulnerable around her? Had he been asked that question yesterday or even before that his answer would have been yes. Now, he wasn't sure. What if another man swept in and took her from him? He knew he would not recover from losing her. He would lose himself. He realised that they were both dealing with the same fears.

He still wondered if she loved him like he loved her. So far she'd only showed him she cared whenever he pushed her. She rarely showed initiative in sharing her feelings. If he didn't push, did that mean she would never show him how she felt? Did she not reciprocate his feelings? Was that why she kept holding back a part of herself? He needed to hear from her that she loved him. He needed to know that she was all in, just like him. He was afraid she was going to put her walls back up and he wouldn't be able to break through them again. He'd already given his heart to her, but before she had him completely she had to reassure himself of hers feelings for him.

Walking up the steps to her porch he saw her sitting with her knees drawn up against her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She was closing herself off again and he needed to find a way in again. He sighed. He had to put his heart on the line.

"You make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time, Lizzie. Sometimes it scares me." He whispered in a soft, yet rough voice. He kept his distance from her, needing it to get through this conversation.

His soft, rough voice surprised her and made her look at him. It was as if a different man was standing on her porch. Gone was his usual confidence, the bit of arrogance that he usually had. She saw in the way he stood there. His shoulders were slumped, his head hung low, his eyes downcast. She'd never seen him like this. For the first time she realised that he had his fears too, just like her. She kept seeking him out for comfort and support, but he needed that too and she'd been blind to that. She stood up and closed the short distance between them. "Tell me about it." She took his hand in hers and led him back into her house.

TBC...


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: **Here's the next chapter. Thanks again for all those who are hanging in there with me. I am so glad you like this fic. This one is special for me so I appreciate the support. In this chapter Lizzie comforts Red.

**Chapter thirty **

Their easy role reversal said a lot about their connection. Sharing their feelings wasn't easy for either of them, especially when it came to their most inner fears and insecurities. That's when they needed the other to step in and push when necessary. These last few weeks it had been Red who'd done the pushing, making Lizzie share her feelings. Now their roles were reversed. It was Lizzie who was going to have to make sure Red was going to share his fears. With his hand still in hers she led them to the couch. She waited for him to sit down first before she sat down next to him, not quite close enough to touch him, but enough to feel his body heat. His eyes followed her every move. She didn't quite understand why, but his gaze wasn't uncomfortable.

"What are you afraid of Red?" Lizzie asked gently. She grabbed his hand in both of hers.

He saw her gentle eyes watching him closely. He needed to push past his urge keep his biggest fears locked away. "Losing you."

To say his words surprised her was an understatement. She squeezed the hand she was holding. "Why do you think you're going to lose me?"

Red looked away from her. He worked his jaw, contemplating his next words. "You keep me at a distance, Lizzie." He paused for a moment. "It makes me wonder why." He took his hand out of hers and stood up. He needed some distance between them. He kept his back to her as he spoke his next words. "Will you walk away from me when you're recovered? Will you seek out another man? Someone younger, someone more suitable?" He lowered his head. "Are going to marry someone else, have children and erase me from your memory? Forget about our time together?" His voice was thick with emotion. "That is what I fear."

She was speechless. She'd never seen him like this or heard him talk like this before. She stood up and walked to him. Carefully she placed her hand on his shoulder. He was so tense. She started rubbing his back, hoping it would ease the tension, making him feel more comfortable with her again. "Where is this coming from Red?" She asked. "Is this because of what happened at the market?"

"No, but it showed me the reality of my fears." He kept his back to her, still unwilling to let her see him.

No longer wanting to only see his back Lizzie stepped in front of Red. She put both her hands on his chest, hoping it would make him meet her eyes, but he didn't. He kept his eyes focused on an imaginary spot on the wall behind her. She needed to reassure him and comfort him. But she knew it wasn't going to be easy. Red would push her away, especially in his current state of mind. "What can I do for you to make you realise that I'm not going anywhere? What do you need?"

"I need to know my heart is safe with you." Red cast his eyes downward. He felt exposed. He was laying his heart on the line unsure of the outcome. He was shaken. The urge to step back, to distance himself once again from her was too big to ignore and so he stepped back.

Lizzie immediately stepped forward and grabbed his hand preventing him from walking away. She placed his hand on her chest, above her heart. "Feel this." She made sure his hand stayed on her chest. "This strong beat is because of you." She waited for Red to look at her again. It took a moment, but he did. His eyes showed insecurity. Clearly he needed more from her. She stepped closer to him, making his hand on her chest drop from her body. She wrapped her arms around his body and pushed herself fully against him. She kept hold of him and it didn't take long before his arms wrapped around her. It was then that she finally felt him starting to relax. His hold on her tightened as if he couldn't get close enough, maybe even trying to make sure that she wasn't going to leave. She didn't know. All she knew was that he needed this and she was going to give him what he needed. He'd been her anchor these last couple of weeks and now it was her turn to be his rock. She knew she needed to show him that she was all in too. She guessed part of his doubt was because she didn't share her feelings easily and that he always had to push and prod. She kissed his neck softly. "Did you see me showing any interest in Jason?" She asked and even though her voice was muffled by his chest she knew he could hear her.

"No."

"That's because other men don't interest me. There is no man who can come close to you, Red. No one. My eyes will always seek out yours in a crowd. My body hums whenever you're close and there's an emptiness that I feel when you're not with me." She paused. Standing on her tip toes she kissed him softly. "My soul is only at peace when it connects to yours." She wondered if this was the reassurance that he needed from her. She wasn't ready yet to say that she loved him. She knew she did, but she felt like she needed to be more herself before she could say those words. She didn't have to wait long for his reaction. Red crushed her against him and held her tight. She felt him taking deep breaths and he put his head on her shoulder. She heard him whisper a thank you. They stayed like that, embracing each other tightly. "I'm here, Red. I'm not going anywhere." She caressed the back of his head as he kept silent. When she turned her head to kiss his cheek his lips met hers. He kissed her so softly and so tenderly that it brought tears to her eyes. His lips glided over hers as if he doubted this moment was real. He never deepened the kiss, just kept brushing his lips with hers softly. He ended their kiss and put his forehead against hers. She looked at him but saw his eyes were still closed. She cupped her cheek in her hand and caressed his jaw with her thumb. "Look at me, Red. See me." She needed for him to see in her eyes that what she said was what she felt. She knew he needed that too.

Slowly Red opened his eyes and found her blue eyes looking back at him. What he saw in her eyes was love and it was the first time she'd truly showed him. Love and trust was what she saw. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "I can't lose you, Lizzie."

"And you won't, Raymond. I'm not going anywhere."

TBC...


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Here's more or less a filler chapter. Red and Lizzie spending more time together and Red taking care of Lizzie. I love sweet Red. Thanks for the reviews and follows. I hope you guys will hang in there with me.**

**Chapter thirty-one **

Red still felt slightly exposed by what he'd shared with her. He felt unsure of himself. Lizzie seemed to understand and gave him some space. She'd told him she was going to go for a swim and that he was more than welcome to join her if he wanted. She'd teased him by saying that this time they were all alone and wouldn't have an audience.

A couple of minutes later he watched her saunter past him in a very thin, white dress. Underneath he could see some purple material. She was a vision and so alluring. He watched her walk away, Jethro following her obediently, but all he saw, was her. Outside, on the porch, he followed her every move. He watched the sway of her hips, the way the thin dress flowed around her body, her long legs carrying her across the sand. She was a vision and he yearned to call her his in every possible way. She'd called him by his given name for the first time since they'd met. It was only then that he'd realised he'd been waiting for her to call him Raymond. It felt intimate and right and he'd longed for it.

Knowing he couldn't resist such temptation much longer Red turned back inside to change into his swim shorts. After closing up her house Red made his way through the sand to Lizzie. In his hands he had two big towels, sunscreen lotion and a toy for Jethro. He spread the towels on the sand next to Lizzie's and sat down. He watched Lizzie play with Jethro, splashing around in the shallow water. Today she was wearing a purple bikini. It looked just as beautiful on her as the red, though he would always prefer her in red.

"Come on in, Red." Lizzie called to him from the water.

However, her enthusiasm caused Jethro to run up to her. Lizzie was focused on Red and didn't see her Big Dane running towards her. She was too late to avoid him and Jethro seemed to think that his boss would catch him as he jumped at her.

"Jethro!" Lizzie yelled, but she was too late. The dog hit her, pushing her backwards into the shallow water. That's when her back hit a rock.

Red, who'd seen the impact coming was already on his feet when Lizzie got hit, ran into the water to her. He expected her to quickly resurface, but she didn't and it worried him. Jethro was shaken up too. It seemed as if he was trying to dig through the water to get to his boss. Red had reached them quickly and immediately pulled her out of the water. Lizzie immediately started coughing up water after resurfacing. Red was holding her up with his arms around her. After a while the violent coughing stopped and Lizzie got air back in her lungs.

"You okay?" Red asked her. He held her close against his chest, rubbing her back. That's when he felt a liquid other than water running down her back. He turned her around to examine her back. He saw some small cuts and scrapes that were slightly bleeding, but there were a few bigger cuts and those were the cause of the blood running down her back. "You scared me for a moment." He grabbed her by the elbow. "Looks like you hit some rocks. Let's get you out of the water and home. I need to look at those cuts."

Lizzie nodded her agreement. She felt Jethro pushing against the palm of her hand. He needed some reassurance that she wasn't mad at him. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm okay." She ran her hand over his head.

Out of the water, Red guided her to their towels. He grabbed one to dry her, but Lizzie grabbed the towel from him. "I can do it myself."

There was his stubborn Lizzie again, always reluctant to let someone take care of her. "I know." He said, grabbing the towel back from her. "Let me do this for you, okay?" He waited for a nod which he got. "Do they hurt?" He asked her as he dried the front of her body.

"Yeah." Lizzie admitted. The cuts were starting to sting. Having Red towel dry her was nice even if the circumstances were different from how she'd imagined it.

Red carefully dried her back. He looked at the cuts. Luckily they didn't look too bad. The bigger ones worried him a bit at first, but now after a closer look, he knew they wouldn't need stiches. "Come on, let's get you home." Red grabbed their stuff and took Lizzie's hand in his.

At her house Red guided Lizzie quickly into her bathroom. He positioned her next to the sink. He grabbed the first aid kit and took out the supplies to clean and treat the cuts. With a washcloth he gently cleaned the cuts. He saw most of the cuts had stopped bleeding already. After drying the cuts he applied some antibiotic cream on the cuts that he thought might get infected. He then put a bandage on the cuts and he was done. He put away the rest of the first aid kit and stepped up to her. He made sure his chest didn't touch her back afraid he might hurt her, but he stood close enough to feel her body heat. He caressed her arms from her shoulders to her hands and back up again. He smiled when he saw the goose bumps appear on her arms.

"You cold?" He whispered in her ear.

"No." She whispered just like him.

Red leaned in and kissed her bare shoulder. "You look beautiful in purple."

"Mmm…" Lizzie hummed. She enjoyed his sweet caresses. He always managed to make her feel so much with a mere touch. "Glad you liked it."

Before he could say anything Jethro started barking loudly. Red groaned. It seemed like the universe was set on interrupting them. "Next time when we go swimming Lizzie, it's going to be the two of us. Jethro will stay here. Abby will not be here either and that is it. I don't want anymore interruptions."

Lizzie giggled at his frustration. "Promises, promises." Lizzie turned around, kissed Red's cheek and opened the bathroom door. She greeted her Big Dane and together with him she walked to the kitchen leaving Red standing alone in the bathroom.

TBC...


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: **Thanks again to all of you who are hanging in there with me with this fic. Our ship is having quite a difficult time, especially after the last episode. However I will continue to ship and live in a happy bubble where this ship keeps on sailing happily. Here's the next chapter. Some fluff. Enjoy!

**Chapter thirty-two**

Hearing the back door Lizzie and Jethro looked up from their place on the couch and watched Red walk in with a duffel bag.

"Hey." Lizzie greeted him.

"Hi." Red walked to Lizzie and kissed her on her hair before he left to put his bag in the bedroom.

"Everything go okay?" She asked when she saw him return.

"Yes." Red grabbed himself something to drink before he walked up to Lizzie.

"You sure? You took quite some time."

Red had gone back to his brother's house to get more clothes and his shaving kit. He was planning on staying with Lizzie for a while and therefor needed his stuff. It had taken longer than he intended to because Angela had wanted to talk to him. It had been an uncomfortable conversation and one he didn't want to share with Lizzie. "Yes. Angela wanted to talk."

Lizzie raised her eyebrow at him. Something had happened but clearly Red didn't feel like talking. She would let it be for now.

"What are you watching?" He looked at the screen. Whatever she was watching didn't look familiar to him but then again he hardly ever watched TV.

"CSI reruns." Lizzie answered focusing back on the show.

Red looked at Lizzie and Jethro. Lizzie was curled up in the corner of the couch and Jethro was lying next to her with his head on her lap. The dog looked completely relaxed and content. There was no room for him at all to join Lizzie on the couch.

"What?" She asked when she noticed Red was still on his feet and looked at her.

"There's no room for me on the couch anymore."

She smiled at that. "True." Lizzie ran her hand lovingly over Jethro's head. "He wanted to cuddle."

"But I want to cuddle too." Red pouted.

Lizzie laughed. She loved seeing this teasing fun side of Red. "There's no more room."

"Mmm…. Okay. Let's see. Yesterday the bedroom door had to stay open because Jethro had to be able to walk in otherwise you would miss your sweetie. And tonight you prefer to have Jethro to cuddle with. I see a pattern here and I am not too sure if I like it."

"I told you before, you gotta learn to share." She teased him.

Red glared at her and sat down on the nearby chair. "Your loss." He looked at the TV again. "What is this show?"

"It's a show about crime scene investigators and how they solve crimes."

"Mmm.." On the screen he saw a grey bearded man talking to a tall brunette woman. He turned his eyes on Lizzie again and saw a big smile on her face. "Why are you smiling?"

Lizzie watched the scene and waited to answer until the scene of the two ended. "Because they like each other, but don't know how to deal with it."

"Oooh." He really didn't know what to say to that. "Who are they?"

"She's Sara Sidle and he's Gil Grissom. She came to Vegas because he asked her to. Clearly they have a deep connection, but Grissom can't deal with that and pushes her away. But he always draws her back in by saying something meaningful out of the blue."

He noticed that she was really invested in this show. Before he could even ask another question or say something else she continued.

"He's her boss and that is probably also why he's keeping her at a distance. That and the age difference. She has the tendency to put her heart on her sleeve and he doesn't see that." Grissom was back on and Lizzie was focused on him again.

"They make an odd couple." Red said when Sara was back with Grissom again.

"No, they're perfect for each other. They make sense." She was and would always be a romantic at heart. She believed in soul mates.

They watched the rest of the show in silence. Red stayed seated on the chair and Lizzie was still snuggled up with Jethro on the couch. He'd watched her mostly than the show and he couldn't help but smile at how enthralled she was by the show. He found it strange, but apparently there was something Lizzie really liked about it. Clearly it was whatever it was between this Grissom and Sara, but it had to be more than that.

"What do you like about this show besides these two characters? Surely it's not the cases. They're not that great."

Lizzie shrugged. "They don't have to be. I enjoy the show." She smiled. "And there's some nice eye candy."

"Aaah. So who do you enjoy watching? That dark haired guy? Or lab tech?"

She laughed. "No, Grissom."

"Really? How so?" He turned towards her, giving her his full attention.

"The grey curly hair, his striking blue eyes, the way he looks with his glasses on and that sexy beard. He's a sexy man."

Tilting his head to the side Red just watched Lizzie who got uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"What?" She said when he just kept watching her.

"I'm just surprised that you find him attractive."

"Why? Because he's an older guy?"

Now it was Red who was being watched and felt somewhat uncomfortable. Lizzie smiled softly at him. "Age isn't important Red." She waited for a moment to let her words sink in. "Bet you look hot with a beard and I already know you look hot with glasses. Wish you wear them a bit more."

This made him smile. He ran his hand over his jaw. "I'm not too sure about the beard, but wearing the glasses more often is no problem." He stood up. "Now I've been patient enough, but it's time for Jethro to move because I'm feeling neglected." Not waiting for an answer, Red took Jethro gently by his collar and guided him off the couch. Jethro protested but let Red move him. "Go lie down on your blanket, buddy." With once more glance back at Red, the Big Dane lay down on the blanket.

"Come here." Red said when he sat down next to her. He held his arms out to her and she willingly let herself be enveloped by him. He was careful of her injured back, keep his hands on her shoulders. "How's your back?"

"Sore."

"Mmm…" He nuzzled her hair. "I missed you." He whispered in her hair.

"You were only gone for a few hours."

"Still." He preferred to have Lizzie by his side as much as possible. So when they were apart he missed her. It was that simple and it had always been.

"I missed you too, but I had Jethro to keep me company."

"Cuddling with me surely is better than cuddling with Jethro."

"It's different." Lizzie lay her head on his shoulder.

"Different, huh." Red put his finger under Lizzie's chin making her tilt her head up and backwards. He leaned in and gently kissed her lips.

"Okay." Lizzie said after the kiss. "Cuddling with you is better."

"And don't you forget it." He kissed her once more, keeping the kiss gentle and tender before pulling back. "Let's continue on with your show."

TBC...


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Here's chapter thirty-three. More fluff, more kisses and cuddles. Good times so when the bad times come it won't be too harsh. I hope you like the good times and you continue to hang in there with me. Thank you for all the reviews and follows. Also thank you to those who keep reading this one. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

**Chapter thirty-three **

He watched Lizzie lying against him in his arms. He loved that feeling. The love he felt for her still overwhelmed him. To have reached this point where he was slowly becoming a part of her life was something he cherished and had longed for. Every time he looked at her he had the overwhelming protect her and he knew that would never go away.

"Time to go to bed, sweetheart."

"Mmm…" Lizzie hummed. She snuggled closer to him, not wanting to leave the warmth. She was far too comfortable. "Don't want to."

He smiled. "Come on, the bed is far more comfortable."

She shook her head against his chest. She doubted the bed would be more comfortable than her current position. "Nice here."

He carefully disentangled himself from her and lifted her into his arms. With her in his arms he walked to the bedroom. He lay her down on the sheets and sat down on the bed next to her. Running a hand through her hair he looked at her. Her sleepy eyes were looking back at him. "I'll go take Jethro for a quick walk. Get ready for bed and I'll join you okay?"

"Sokay." She mumbled and smiled lazily at him. "Back soon?" She asked.

He smiled softly at her. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon."

Coming back from his short walk with Jethro Red closed up the house, making sure the door and windows were closed. Walking into the bedroom he walked in on Lizzie who was standing there with her back towards him. He stopped dead in his tracks, his breath caught in his throat. He looked at her long legs and back. Her fair skin was beautiful and to see her standing there, about to put his button up shirt on, a powerful yearning ran through him. He took a steadying breath to control his yearning. He walked closer to her and stopped her from putting her arm through the sleeve so he could get a closer look at the damage on her back. The bruises were forming and marking her fair skin. He gently ran his finger over the cuts and bruises and felt her shiver.

"Does it hurt?" He asked softly.

"No." She answered just as softly.

He put a soft kiss on her shoulder and stepped back not wanting to give into his desire to run his hands over her body. He left her to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed.

Returning back to the bedroom he saw Lizzie was already lying in bed on her side with her back towards him. He quickly stripped down to his shirt and boxers, turned of the lights, but didn't close the door otherwise Jethro would interrupt them. He joined her in the bed, lying on his side, facing her and waited for her to turn towards him which Lizzie did so immediately but carefully due to her injured back.

Once again she hummed in contentment as she snuggled into his body. She rubbed her nose into his neck. "You make me feel safe."

He smiled at that and tightened his hold on her. "Good." He whispered into her hair.

"And you're a good cuddler. Like this big teddy bear." She murmured. Putting her hands on his chest she pushed him onto his back. She turned with him and was now mostly lying on top of him.

Her move surprised him. He looked down at her though he could hardly see her. "Is this more comfortable?" He asked.

"Yes. You're a good pillow." Putting her hands on his chest she pushed herself up until she straddled him. She smiled at the surprised look in his eyes. However she also saw his eyes darken for a few seconds and that felt good. Though she did not doubt his love nor did she doubt their relationship she did wonder about his desire for her. He always seemed in control and never seemed tempted. Sure they'd shared passionate kisses and he always told her she was beautiful. She guessed he didn't want to push her, needing her to make the first move. "Why are you wearing a shirt?" She put her hands on his chest, leaning towards him.

He smiled at her. He loved the imagine she presented, straddling him, her hair failing in front of her face, looking down at him and wearing his shirt. He could not want any woman anymore than he did her. He would never love anyone as much as he did her.

"Why are you wearing a shirt?" He asked her.

"Do you want me to take it off?" She asked, her hands moving immediately to the top button of the shirt she was wearing.

Red swallowed thickly. "No." He whispered. "I like the way it looks on you."

Leaning forward Lizzie locked her eyes with his. Just before her lips touched his she closed her eyes. Briefly she brushed her lips, but quickly her lips became more insistent. She took his upper lip between hers and sucked on it. She felt and heard his groan and it spurred her on. She slid her tongue between his lips. She kept the pace slow as she explored his mouth. But as soon as her tongue touched his, passion took over. What had started out as a slow kiss was now heated. Red took control of the kiss. His hands were in her hair as he pulled her closer, needing more of her. Her soft whimper spurred him on. His mouth left her as he trailed kisses down her jaw to her neck. He nibbled at the hollow of her throat before sucking gently on it. Hearing her whimper yet again he quickly made his way back to her mouth, wanting more of her, needing more from her. With passion taking fully control of him he kissed her deeply and let his hands run over her arms, down her side touching the side of her breasts before resting on her waist. When she whimpered his name, his given name, he lost the last bit of self control he had. He wrapped his arms around her and turned them around. "Lizzie." Came out a strangled groan.

Despite the all consuming passion, the sudden turn and her back hitting the matrass, she was confronted with her injured back. "Auw!" Lizzie yelped.

Red immediately stopped and pulled back. He looked down at her. With her hair tousled, her lips swollen and parted and breathing hard she looked incredible. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I got carried away." He was still catching his breath. "You're far too enticing." Before turning on his back he brushed his lips with hers again. "Did I hurt you?" He asked.

Lizzie carefully turned on her side facing him. "Kinda." She didn't mind the pain. She was happy with his response. For a moment she'd doubted his passion for her, but she knew now he wanted her as much as she did him.

"What?" He tenderly caressed her cheek. He saw something was on her mind.

She smiled at him, but shrugged lightly. She wasn't too sure if she wanted to share her previous doubts with him. But she also remembered her promise. She was going to share more of herself with him without him having to push her. She looked down at her hand on his chest. "I was unsure of how you felt."

Her answer surprised him. How could she doubt how he felt for her? Hadn't he been clear? He didn't quite know what to say.

"No." Lizzie quickly said. She saw the confusion in his eyes. "I know how you feel about me. I know you love me. I don't doubt that." She paused for a moment trying to find the right words. "I didn't know if you desired me." She whispered.

TBC...


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: **Thank you to all who are hanging in there with me. Though the show has been disappointing me, I still love this ship. I love these two characters and I love writing them. Let's continue loving this great ship. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Red and Lizzie talk about his desire for her. I believe Lizzie is far from back to her old self and Red needs her to be herself again before they take things any further. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

**Chapter thirty-four **

He fought his first impulse to express the frustration and anger he felt. He knew that if he did Lizzie would retreat and the little steps she was making towards sharing herself and her feelings. "I don't understand, Lizzie." He really didn't. How did she not know how much he wanted her? He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together.

Inching closer to him she cuddled against him, needing his closeness to share her thoughts with him. "You touch me, you kiss me yet you never seem to want more or…" She hesitated, trying to find the right words. "…you never seem tempted. It made me wonder if you maybe didn't want me." She kept avoiding his eyes. It made it easier for her to share her feelings. "I know I lost weight and you want me to gain the weight that I lost. I know I'm nothing special. I'm sure you've seen and been with much more beautiful women. I…. I'm just me." She whispered against his chest.

"Don't say that." His voice was strong yet soft. He worked his jaw, searching for the right words. He needed to be careful because he didn't want to push her away but her words angered him. It felt like he'd failed her and himself.

She felt the anger radiating off of him and pushed herself away from him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." She apologised.

Red grabbed her hand preventing her from moving too far away. He pulled her back to him. "Don't apologise. I'm glad you're sharing your feelings. I just don't understand where this is coming from." He rubbed his hand up and down her arm. Lost in thought, still trying to search for the right words.

"I don't want you to be angry." She said. He was trying to hide his anger from her but she could see it.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. He didn't want her to see his anger. The fact that she thought he didn't want her was his fault. He cradled her face in his hands, holding her eyes. His voice was thick with emotion. "You're beautiful, Lizzie. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. No one comes close to you." He saw her blue eyes glistening with emotions. He tenderly brushed his lips with hers. "I love you so much. I need you in my life. I can't nor do I want to imagine my life without you."

"But do you want me?" Her voice trembled.

"Yes! I want you with every fibre of my being, Lizzie and have done so for a very long time. When I kiss you I don't ever want to stop. Your body feels so good against mine. When I touch you… I want more, so much more… and it's so hard to stop."

"Why do you stop? Is it because of me?"

He shook his head. He was going to have to talk to her about these insecurities that kept coming back. He didn't understand where they were coming from. At first he thought his faked death was the cause, but now he wasn't sure anymore. It was something deeper. "I want to make to love to you Lizzie and I've wanted to do so for a very long time. Lately that yearning has been getting so much stronger, but I don't want to push. You and I both know that you're still recovering from everything. You're doing so much better but you're not there yet. I want it to be special and I want you to feel that you're ready physically and mentally. I have no doubt that when we make love it will be perfect and hold so much truth that I don't want you to regret it and I'm afraid that when we do this too soon that you will. I won't be able to handle it if you would regret it, regret us."

She understood what he was saying and she could agree with that. Sometimes it seemed he knew her better than she did herself. "You always seem so in control like I don't tempt you."

"You are very, very tempting." Red lowered his voice and saw her shiver. "And it is not easy not to give into to you."

"But I want you to give in. You never get carried away." She said again.

"I can't, Lizzie. I can't because I won't be able to stop." He inched closer to her and started kissing her jaw up to her ear. He took her lobe softly between his teeth before placing a kiss just below her ear. Then he kissed her neck and bit her softly, marking her as his, something he'd wanted to do for a while now. He focused back on her lips, kissing her passionately and deeply. He pulled her towards him, rolling on his back and taking her with him. He held her close with a hand in her hair. He explored her mouth, duelled with her tongue, took her breath away with his heat. He only ended the kiss when they both were in need of air. He grabbed her hips and pushed up a bit, letting her feel what she did to him. "I want you." He growled, leaving her with no doubt about his desire.

She smiled at him. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. "Thank you." Maybe it was strange that she needed his reassurance and needed it in this way, but he seemed to understand like he did with so many things. He made her happy, he made her feel so good. She lay down again and just like before she used him as her pillow. "You make me happy." She said.

Red's arms tightened around her when he heard her words. His heart skipped a beat. She was happy, he made her feel happy. It meant so much to hear her say those words. Keeping her safe and making her happy was so very important to him. To hear her now say those words was something he'd been waiting for. He knew the next step was that she could say to him that she loved him. He would wait patiently for those words though in his heart he already knew that she loved him. "I love you, sweetheart." He kissed her hair. "Sleep, I'm right here."

She kissed his shirt clad chest and lay her head on it. "Goodnight, Raymond."

TBC...


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **Here's the next chapter. This is the beginning of a quite a struggle for Liz and Red. I promise you a happy end though(unlike the show at the moment) but it will be a rough road. I hope you will hang in there with me and I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter thirty-five **

The following days were spent enjoying their time together. Lizzie and Red spent their days in and around the house. They did nothing special, but for both of them, the time they were spending together was special. For Red it showed how a life with Lizzie would be and for Lizzie it felt like she was building a life again. Almost every day Red was away for a couple of hours. He never really said where he went, but she assumed it had something to do with Abby or his brother.

Tonight they were going to Abby and Angela to have dinner. Red wanted her to get to know Angela too. She didn't really know the woman, but she adored Abby and was happy to see the little girl again. She'd missed her.

Lizzie looked at herself in the mirror. She'd decided to go for a light grey skirt and a light blue blouse. She hoped this was okay. Hearing a sound she looked behind her. Her breath caught in her throat. This was the first time she saw Red in a suit again. He was wearing his grey, three piece suit, with a light blue tie. He was wearing his glasses and she noticed he hadn't shaved again. She loved the slightly rougher look on him. He looked absolutely gorgeous.

"Like what you see?" Red smirked as he saw Lizzie look at him.

Lizzie smiled brightly. "I do."

Quickly closing the distance between them, Red pulled her in his arms and kissed her deeply. "You look beautiful." He murmured against her lips.

"We have to go." Red said. He kissed her hair before he let her go. Grabbing her hand Red pulled her along with him. It was time to go to dinner.

A little while later they arrived at the house. For some strange reason Lizzie felt a bit nervous. Helping out of the car, Red sensed her nerves. He tilted his head and looked at her. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Lizzie."

She'd hoped he would let it pass, but Red rarely ever did that. "I'm just a bit nervous." She admitted.

He lifted her chin with his finger so she would look in his eyes. "It'll be okay." He reassured her. "Come on, let's go." Just like before he reached for her hand and together they walked up to the house.

The door opened before they could even ring the bell. "Uncle Ray!" Abby almost yelled and threw herself into his arms. "I missed you." The little girl said and threw her arms around his neck.

"I missed you too sweetie."

"Hi aunt Lizzie." Abby kept her arms tightly around Red and looked to the side to greet Lizzie.

"Hi, sweetheart." It was good to see the little girl again. She ran her hand over Abby's hair.

"Hello Raymond." Angela appeared at the doorway and greeted them.

Red put Abby down on the ground again and leaned forward to kiss Angela on the cheek. "Angela."

Angela placed her hand on Red's cheek and kissed his cheek. Leaning back Angela noticed the lipstick marks on his cheek and wiped them away with her thumb. "Left a mark." She whispered. "Elizabeth, welcome." She turned towards the younger woman and shook hands.

"Hi, Angela." Lizzie greeted the woman politely.

Abby grabbed Red's hand, pulled him inside and talked to him about everything she'd experienced today. Angela gestured for Lizzie to go first and the two women followed.

At the dinner table, Angela manoeuvred them in such a way that Lizzie was sitting next to Abby and Red next to Angela. During dinner Angela kept the conversation with Red going by reminiscing about Jarod. This meant that Lizzie couldn't partake in the conversation, but luckily Abby had more than enough to tell her. Lizzie did feel somewhat out of place and it made her feel insecure.

It was well after dinner when Lizzie was sitting in the living room alone. Red was upstairs with Abby, putting her to bed and Angela was preparing drinks in the kitchen. With her hands in her lap, Lizzie looked around the room and kept touching her nails. She wanted to go home. She didn't really understand what was going on. Red seemed different too. He was distant and that was so different from the last couple of days when he kept touching her and was open with her. It made her feel uncomfortable. Hearing footsteps Lizzie looked up and saw Angela walking back into the living room.

"Elizabeth, or should I say aunt Lizzie?" Angela began as she sat across from her on the couch. "So you are Raymond's latest conquest."

Lizzie knew better than to react to that and so she kept quiet. That however didn't bother Angela.

"You are very different from his usual type though." Angela continued. "But then again if someone's desperate enough he clearly won't say no."

Lizzie stood up. "Look, I think it is best I leave." She wasn't going to stand here and listen to Angela's nasty words.

"Sure, go on. Raymond will be staying here though."

This made Lizzie stop dead in her tracks. Surely he would never. Before she could even say something though Angela continued again, knowing she had Lizzie's attention.

"You really think he'll be going home with you?" Angela stood up and walked over to Lizzie. "You've held his interest now for a while, but Raymond will get bored and when he gets bored he will return here."

Lizzie shook her head. She was not going to let that woman get to her. Red wasn't like that. She almost left the living room when Angela's next words stopped her again.

"Where do you think he's been these last couple of days, Elizabeth?" Angela turned to Lizzie. "Are you really that naïve to think that you can keep a man like Raymond entertained? Surely you know better. He will always come back to me darling. You will never be enough." The older woman approached the Lizzie. "Raymond has needs. Needs that you are _clearly_ not fulfilling." For the final blow, Angela leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I _know_ how to fulfil Raymond's needs."

TBC...


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **My apologies for the delay in the update. I got a bit sidetracked by the european championships. I hope, despite the long delay, you still want to continue reading. This chapter Lizzie deals with what happens in maybe not the best way. This is a Lizzie centered chapter. Don't hate me for it... Reviews will be greatly appreciated. Also thank you for all who continue reading!

**Chapter thirty-six **

Whatever they had or whatever they had been building, it was now lost to both of them. Lost because of words spoken and by their inability to talk and trust one another. In a way they were back where they'd started from with the exception that this time the circumstances were different for they now had shared memories of what could have been.

Lizzie had gone straight home after Angela's nasty words. She knew that in time Red would show at her door, but she had no intention of talking to him. She packed her and Jethro's stuff and left. She didn't know yet where she was going to go or for how long. All she knew was that she had to go away. For now she didn't want to live in the house that held so much memories already of them together. His scent lingered on the sheets and his belongings were scattered around her house. All memories of him, memories she did not want. She'd ended up in a cabin near Burton where she would stay for a maximum of two weeks.

She'd cried after arriving at the cabin. Cried for a love lost, cried for maybe even something that had never been, something that never had the chance to grow. She cried for failing herself. For trusting her heart yet again to a man who made her believe in a lie. It was partly her own fault. She was simply too foolish. But she would never make that mistake again. She would no longer give a man her heart again, no she was just going to be more freely and not go for anything serious anymore.

After the first few days Lizzie got more determined about her resolution. Later today she would go and look up Jason. After all if Red could cheat on her, she would cheat on him. Looking around her cabin she couldn't help but miss her home. She missed walking on the beach with Jethro. The walk in the woods here was nice, but it wasn't the same. She missed Red too. She missed waking up with his arms wrapped around her and missed the comfort he brought. At nights she cried, but Jethro always was there to comfort her. Whenever she was sad, Jethro came up to her, put his head on her leg, and sometimes kept pushing her until she would go out for a walk with him. He was a true companion.

Looking at herself in the mirror after putting some make up on, Lizzie felt she was ready to go to Burton and visit Jason. She wondered if he would still recognize her. She'd put on a nice summer dress and a short vest. Happy with her appearance she grabbed her keys, called out for Jethro and together they made their way to the city. After parking the car Lizzie took her time exploring the town. She drank something on a terrace where Jethro got some water. After that she asked for directions to Jason's store which was called the Dragonfly. Ten minutes later she walked into the store with Jethro closely behind her. Looking around the store she realised it was best for her dog to stay at the door. She directed him back to the door, ordered him to lay down and stay there which he easily did.

"Good afternoon."

Lizzie heard a man's voice from behind her. Turning around she saw it was Jason.

"Liz. You came." Jason immediately recognized the woman he'd met a little while back and smiled at her. He hadn't expected her to come and visit him. He looked around the store, expecting the man whom he'd seen her with at the market to be there also.

"Yes." She smiled back at the man. She looked at him. He was handsome and had a stunning smile, but he was no Red.

Sensing that she was a bit uncomfortable, Jason backed away a bit. "Why don't you look around a bit?" He made his way further into the store to give her some space. A few minutes later a new customer came in who needed his help.

Lizzie took her time walking around the store. Besides the wonderful scarfs, there was also a nice collection of bags and jewellery. There were also some vases and pots. "You really have a nice shop." She said after the other customer was gone again.

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it." Seeing she was a bit more comfortable, Jason nodded at the dog. "He's well behaved."

Smiling Lizzie looked at her Big Dane. "Yeah, he's a sweetheart."

"So how long are you going to be in town?"

"Two weeks at the most."

"Really?" Jason's eyes lit up. This was a nice surprise. "How about we get a drink then?"

Lizzie smiled shyly. "I'd like that."

"Great." He hadn't expected her to agree so easily. "How about tonight?"

"Sure. Where shall we meet?" She didn't want him to pick her up at her apartment. That seemed too much for now.

"How about nine o'clock at Mint." He wrote down the address for her and handed her the card. "I'm glad you came to visit, Liz." His blue eyes held hers just that bit longer.

"Me too, Jason. Me too." She walked out of his store with Jethro following her again. This went better than she'd expected. Jason hadn't been too forth coming. He'd given her space, probably sensing her nerves. Walking back to her car she couldn't help her mind from wandering back to Red. She wondered what he was doing. Was he looking for her? She hadn't received any phone calls. It disappointed her. Maybe he was happy she was gone. Now he could lead his life with Angela and Abby, playing the happy family they were. Her heart ached for him. Getting in the car she sniffed. Jethro, who was in the back seat, pushed his nose against her cheek. "Thanks sweetie." She said and petted the big dog. She hoped Jason could help her forget Red.

TBC...


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: **Thank you all for the reviews. Last chapter's was all about Lizzie, this chapter is all about Red and how he's dealing with it. I hope you enjoy this chapter too. I appreciate each and every review.

**Chapter thirty-seven **

He knew where Lizzie was. He'd known the first day after she'd left so suddenly. He'd quickly found out what had happened, what Angela had said to her. He'd made himself clear to Angela and knew without a doubt something like this would never happen again. He would not easily forgive Angela for what she'd done, but in the end he had to think of Abby too and it would do Abby no good if she could feel the effect of their strained relationship.

He'd tried calling Lizzie several times, but had given up when she refused to answer. He was not going to chase her. The fact that she believed Angela and not even had the decency to talk to him had in a way shattered his belief in what he thought they had. He simply couldn't believe it. Lizzie should have known better. He did not understand where her distrust came from. He was sure he had not given her any reason at all to doubt his intentions.

Lizzie however had done what she'd kept doing. She'd drawn her conclusions and once again not talked to him. She hadn't shared her feelings. By now if she was unwilling to share her thoughts and feelings, then clearly she would never do it. Apparently he was alone in his feelings and it hurt him deeply. He had declared his love for her, yet she had never done the same. He'd thought because she wasn't ready yet. But now he wondered if maybe she hadn't done so because she simply did not feel the same. Maybe he'd been wrong the entire time by thinking his future was with her.

He didn't know what was going to happen now. He didn't know when Lizzie was going to come back. His stuff was still at her place. At some point he was going to have to pick it up. He would do so when he knew she was back. For now he focused his attention on Abby. At night he lay awake. He hardly slept because when he closed his eyes he saw her. When he dreamed he dreamed of her. He dreamed of what could have been and always woke up feeling as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. It was the same pain he'd felt after he'd lost his daughter. Back then he'd vowed to himself to never be that vulnerable again, yet Lizzie had made him break that promise. And here he was, broken again.

"Uncle Ray?" Abby's small voice came from living room.

Red left the kitchen and joined his niece in the living room. "Yes, Abby." He sat down on the floor next to Abby where she was playing with her dolls.

"When can we visit aunt Lizzie again?"

Her question didn't surprise him. It surprised him more that it had taken this long. He knew how much Abby liked Lizzie. She'd grown attached to her already. "I don't know."

"I miss her." She let go of her dolls and crawled into her uncle's lap.

"Me too."

Abby threw her little arms around her uncle's neck and put her head on his shoulder. "Is that why you're sad?"

"Yes it is honey."

They both were silent. Abby's sweet hug did comfort him. His niece was very precious and he loved her dearly. He turned his head and kissed cheek.

"I miss Jethro too." She also said.

Abby let go of her uncle sat down on his lap again. She lay her head against his chest. "Is she mad at us?" She asked in a small voice.

Red ran his hand over Abby's blond curls. He always told her the truth. "She's mad at me, not you."

Abby was silent again, as if she was contemplating her uncle's words. "I don't like it that aunt Lizzie makes you sad." After a few minutes the little girl left her uncle's lap to grab her dolls before taking her place again in his lap. She played quietly for a while, but clearly the subject of Lizzie was still on her mind. "Do you love aunt Lizzie?"

Yes he did and he knew he would always love her even if they would not be together. "I do." He said softly to his niece who seemed to observe him closely.

Abby once pulled herself up until she could kiss her uncle's cheek to comfort him. "I don't want you to leave, uncle Ray."

"I'm not going anywhere, honey." He reassured her. Ever since Abby lost her father she was afraid that people were going to leave her.

"But aunt Lizzie promised she wouldn't leave but she did."

Maybe it had been a mistake to let Abby and Lizzie meet. Even though the two were very fond of each other. Lizzie's sudden absence was not good for Abby. It angered him. Lizzie should have known better. She knew what Abby had gone through, yet she didn't seem to care. "I promise you, I'll never leave you Abby."

"You promise?" Her lower lip trembled as if she was afraid he was going to deny her promise.

"I promise, honey." He pulled her up and gave her a big hug. "I'll always be here." Looking down at her he saw she was no longer sad and knew she believed him. He looked outside. It was beautiful weather. It would do them both good to get out of the house. "How about we go to the playground?"

Abby jumped up and smiled brightly. "Yes!"

He laughed at her, happy to see her bright smile again. When he saw that smile, he saw his brother. At times like that he missed his brother terribly and wished he was there to see his little girl. But it also made him more determined to keep his promise to take care of them.

TBC...


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Thank you for all those who keep hanging in there with me. I really appreciate it. I still love this fic and its journey and I hope you will too. Sorry for the delay. Got a bit side tracked with Her Person and My Destiny. I hope you still like this chapter. Red and Lizzie meet again for the first time since the fight.

**Chapter thirty-eight**

Lizzie arrived back home after two weeks at the cabin in Burton not feeling particularly good, but not feeling as bad as when she left. Red was still on her mind and she'd given up on trying to forget him. Opening the door she immediately noticed a note fell down onto the doormat. It had probably been wedged in the door frame. It was from Red. With shaking hands she opened it and found the extra key he'd had and read his words.

_Elizabeth,_

_There are still some of my belongings in your house. I, however, did not want to trespass. I would like to collect my belongings. When you have returned I would appreciate a message so I can come pick them up._

_Raymond _

His business like words shook her deeply and she sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. She just kept staring at the note. It was typically Red to distance himself. Their final meeting would be a business exchange. Tears slid down her cheeks. She'd missed him so much. Her date with Jason had been awful. Red had been constantly on her mind and she'd even felt guilty for going on a date with Jason. At the end of their evening he'd said his goodbye and said to her that he'd wished her heart hadn't belonged to another already. And with that she realised that her heart would forever belong to Raymond Reddington but she knew all too well she'd most likely lost him and it broke her heart.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. Looking at the display her breath caught in her throat. It was Red.

"Hello." She answered the call in a shaky voice.

"Aunt Lizzie?"

It was Abby who'd grabbed hold of Red's phone and was now calling her. "Abby?" Had something happened to Red?

"I miss you Aunt Lizzie." The little girl sniffed.

"I miss you too, sweetie." She swallowed thickly.

"Why you leave?"

"I…" She really didn't know what to say. "I was sad." Was what she chose to say.

"Uncle Ray's sad too."

Talking to Abby was breaking her heart. She wondered if Red knew his niece was calling her. He probably didn't. "I'm sorry." Was what she said but she felt like an apology was far from good enough.

"I don't want you to leave. I wanna play with Jethro."

She could hear the little girl was crying softly now which caused the tears to slide down Lizzie's cheeks too. "I promise we'll see each other again okay?"

"You promise?" The little girl's voice quivered.

"I promise. Now do you promise you'll be a good girl for your uncle Ray?"

"I will aunt Lizzie. Will you give Jethro a big hug for me?"

Lizzie smiled. "I will. I'll talk to you soon okay?

"Yeah. Bye aunt Lizzie."

"Goodbye sweetie." Lizzie ended the call and let the tears flow freely down her cheeks. Looking at her phone she knew it was best to send a message to Red as soon as possible. She didn't know how she was going to deal with him. She sent him a short text that he could come buy tonight.

The rest of the day Lizzie was restless. She was nervous for Red's visit. He'd answered he'd be by to come pick his stuff up. She hadn't collected it yet. She hoped she'd be strong enough to stand her own. She remembered the promise she'd made to him. That's why she hadn't turned to alcohol. Though she had to admit, she felt like a drink now to get the courage to talk to Red. Finally it was time and she heard a strong knock at the back door. Jethro barked loudly and was immediately at the door.

Taking a deep breath, Lizzie pushed Jethro aside and opened the door. There he was. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. She hadn't seen him for such a long time. He was wearing his glasses. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, but she couldn't. She wanted to be in his arms again. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes already but fought them hard. She saw how hard his eyes were. He seemed emotionless and she knew this was going to be difficult.

"Hello, Elizabeth." He purposely called her by her full name. It helped him distance himself from her. To finally be able to see her after two weeks shook him. He'd always prided himself of being able to keep his feelings in check, however she always seemed to ignore his boundaries. He could see these weeks had been just as hard on her as they had been on him. To him she was and would always be beautiful. Yet he saw she'd hardly slept and noticed how rumpled she looked. But he would not let himself be tempted by his need to take care of her.

"Red." Lizzie stepped aside to let him in. She couldn't help but look at him. It hit her then how much she'd missed him.

"I won't be long." He passed her and walked straight into the bedroom to grab the clothes he still had there.

She didn't quite know how to handle his business like manner. Did all this mean nothing to him? Was this easy for him? She hesitated but eventually followed him. She watched him gather his clothes before he walked into the bathroom the grab the rest of his stuff. She knew she had to say something but she didn't know what. If she stayed too silent he would walk out of her home and she knew they would never speak again.

"So this is it?" Lizzie blurted out. She stopped herself from saying anything more, but she did have his attention. She saw how his shoulders tensed before he turned around. He tilted his head and saw noticed how he was working his jaw. That meant she had his attention and he was unsure of how to proceed. But at least he wasn't going to walk out of here without a word.

TBC...


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: **My apologies for the delay. Red and Lizzie have an emotional confrontation in this one. Lots of angst. Despite the angst I hope you enjoy. Thank you for all who keep hanging in there and keep following and reviewing. I love those reviews!

**Chapter thirty-nine **

Red approached her in slow but menacing steps. "Isn't this exactly what you wanted?" He asked.

"No." She watched his cold eyes. She missed the warmth he usually had in them for her.

"You could have fooled me." He said. Though a part of him wanted to shake Lizzie and let her know how much she'd hurt him, he chose not too. He'd opened himself up to her. His heart belonged to her and she'd chosen to crush it. He blamed himself. He should have known better than to trust her with his heart. He was a fool. She'd never told him she loved him. He should have realised then that it was never meant to be. "But isn't that what you exactly did? Fooling me into loving you but knowing you would never return that love." He was towering over her now wanting her to feel small and weak. This was the ugly part of him that he'd never been able to suppress.

His harsh words hurt her deeply. However hard she'd tried, it was impossible for her now to hold back the tears. She let them run freely, not caring that he saw how hurt she was. "No." She whispered. She hadn't fooled him. "No." She said again, this time her voice was stronger. "That's not true."

"Really?" He didn't believe her. He tilted his head and squinted his eyes. "I don't believe you." He paused. "I don't trust you." He practically snarled the last words. He gave her one last look and walked passed her into the bedroom to grab his bag.

She followed him back into her bedroom but decided to stand in the doorway to the living room. She wasn't just going to let him walk away from her. "And instead of talking about it you take the easy way out?" She knew she had him when his head whipped around.

"Don't talk to me about taking the easy way out. You left, Elizabeth. You left without having the courtesy to talk to me. Don't tell me I took the easy way out!" He raised his voice. It was the first time he'd ever raised his voice in front of her. It was something he never wanted to do and immediately felt remorse. It proved how much she got under his skin. "I'm sorry." He apologised. No matter how angry he was at her nothing justified his yelling.

She didn't mind his yelling. She preferred it to his cold demeanour. She wanted him to show emotion. She even needed it, needed to know that this hurt him as much as it did her. Though she knew his distant behaviour was an indication of his hurt, she preferred it when he showed his emotion. However what she missed most as he was standing in front of her, was the love in his eyes, the tender look he used to have when he looked at her. Was he over her already? Didn't she mean anything to him anymore? She wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks. She saw him walk towards her again. He wanted to leave, but she wasn't going to let him. By the looks of it he wasn't going to let her stop him. Red would never be violent with her, never over power her and so she let him come close and when almost wanted to walk through her, she stopped him with a trembling hand on his chest.

"What, Lizzie?" He said as he looked at the hand she had on his chest. When she kept silent he continued. "What could you possibly say that would make anything of what you did right?"

"Nothing." She admitted. He'd called her Lizzie. That meant something. That meant she was getting to him. She kept her hand on his chest though because she knew it would keep him there with her. But she didn't know what else to say.

"If you have nothing to say then let me go." Her small hand on his chest felt like it was burning through him.

"No."

"Then what do you want?" Red waved his arms and took a step back. "You have nothing to say and now what? We're going to stand here in your bedroom? And do what?" He asked her. It frustrated him that she wasn't talking. He saw how upset she was. It was exactly how he felt too. Yet again she wanted him to take the first step but he refused to do so.

"I just want to talk." She sighed. She did want to talk but found it difficult to start or where to start.

"You're not doing a lot of talking, are you?"

She knew this side of him. Knew how mean he could be, but had never had it pointed at her. She got frustrated and angry and stepped towards him. "Damn it Red. Give me a chance."

"What? I have to give you a chance? That's cheap coming from you. No, Lizzie. You chose not to hear me out, chose not to trust me and you chose to ran away. Don't blame me for the faults you made." Red said eerily calm before he grabbed his bag,

She quickly followed him. "And now you're running away. Well you know what, Red. Your loss! If I have so many flaws why pursue me in the first place? Because of the challenge? Another conquest? Another notch on your bedpost? And when you discovered I wasn't as easy as you thought you went and got the first woman that was available?" She paused to catch her breath. There was no holding back now, her anger was full force.

"Go ahead Red. Walk away. There are plenty of men out there who find me attractive. I even went on a date with one last week."

Red had stopped dead in his tracks. Her words hurt him deeply. How could she think he thought of her as just another conquest? It meant she hadn't really known him at all. It meant that she'd never trusted him, never believed in his love for her. He turned around and let her see what she did to him. He fought hard to keep the tears from falling. He did not want to fall apart in front of her. With a thick voice he spoke. "How can put the word of a woman like Angela above mine? Angela was lying. I thought you trusted me. All I've ever wanted was you and you threw it all away on the words of a woman you just met? You're a trained profiler and the only thing you've managed to profile so far is not recognizing the truth. Clearly you're learned nothing since Tom. Bravo, Elizabeth. Outstanding piece of profiling." He added his tone full of sarcasm. "Goodbye."

"Damn it, Red." Lizzie called out to him as he walked away. She was falling apart. The tears were running down her cheeks, her breath was coming in bursts. "Damn it Raymond, I love you." She cried out before she crumbled to her knees onto her bedroom floor. "I love you." She cried softly.

TBC...


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **Thank you for the wonderful reviews. I am so happy you are hanging in there with me. In this chapter, Red comes back to Lizzie, but will he stay? The struggle continues. I hope you'll like this chapter and will let me know if you do. Enjoy!

**Chapter forty **

After a sleepless night Red stood in front of Lizzie's house on the porch. In his mind he'd replayed their argument and the way it had ended multiple times. He'd heard her say she loved him and it taken all of his willpower not to walk back and take her in his arms. She'd finally spoken the words he'd longed to hear, but it hadn't convinced him. Had she said it as a last resort, just to get him to turn around? He wasn't sure. Nor did he know what he should think about the fact that she'd gone on a date with another man. What did that say about them and her? It always surprised him how she dealt with setbacks. Yet at the end of it all one thing stood out. He loved her and it was as simply and complicated as that. So here he was at her house. For now he was going to hang in there and see if Lizzie was finally going to really share herself with him. He hoped so because in a way he felt alone in his believe in them and their relationship. If he was really alone in this then he had to go.

Standing at the door he heard Jethro howling softly. It surprised him. He knocked, not wanting to just barge in and waited for her to let him in. Nothing happened though and his knocking had made Jethro howl harder. He was starting to get worried. Either Lizzie was gone and left her dog alone or something might be wrong with her. Judging by Jethro, who was now barking, he decided not to take any risks. He no longer had his key but he tried the door and it opened. Jethro was immediately was at his side circling around him. "Where's our girl?" He asked the dog. He seemed to understand him as he led Red to Lizzie. He spotted her immediately lying face down on the couch. With one look around it was obvious what was going on. Clearly she'd started drinking again. He ran his hand over his cheek and watched her. He was disappointed in her, but it also showed him what their argument had done to her. Maybe her health was more delicate than he'd realised. He turned to Jethro and decided to take care of him first. Lizzie would probably be out for a while longer. He gave the dog his food and took him out for a walk.

When he returned Lizzie was still out of it but had moved. She was now lying on her back on the couch with an arm flung over her head. Time to get her up. He first grabbed some advils and a glass of water for her.

"Elizabeth." Red called loudly knowing a soft voice wasn't going to work. She stirred but didn't wake up. He leaned over her and called out her name again. He'd however misjudged her reaction. She immediately sat up straight but with him leaning over her, her head collided with his chin. Both yelped in pain. Lizzie grabbed her head in both hands and Red rubbed his chin.

"Red?" Was he really there? Everything was in a daze and her head was pounding.

"Yes, I'm here." He confirmed. He took a seat in the chair, leaving some distance between them on purpose.

Lizzie grabbed the advils and the glass of water that she spotted on the table. Red watched her and though it might not be the right time, he was going to tell her off.

"Well done Elizabeth. You got so drunk that you passed out on your couch and forgot about Jethro. If you want to neglect yourself that's your choice, but don't neglect him. He deserves more." His words were harsh, but he was done with the careful approach.

Leaning back against the couch Lizzie stayed quiet. After he'd left she'd fallen apart and taken up her old habit of drinking away her problems. But it had never been this bad. She'd forgotten her Jethro, her sweet dog who was always by her side. She felt his wet nose at her hand and it made her eyes water. She immediately hugged him against her.

She couldn't look at Red though. She was surprised he was even there. She thought she'd lost him for good last night, thought she would never see him again. And now that he was here she didn't know what to do or think. What did this mean? Was he back for a final goodbye? Or was he back to stay? Maybe if she didn't have such a pounding headache she would see things clearer.

"Go take care of yourself. I'll clean up here and prepare something to eat for you." He said matter of fact.

She nodded and left him alone. Before she left the room though she turned her head to check if he was really there.

Seeing she needed his reassurance he nodded at her. "I'm really here."

She wiped a lone tear away and nodded. She hesitated before walking away. She still wasn't sure.

Once again he sensed what she needed. "I'll still be here."

She nodded again and finally left him alone in the living room. She returned a good fifteen minutes later and didn't spot him. She felt a slight panic. Had he left her or had it all been a dream?

"Don't panic. I'm here. I promised you I would be." He withheld a snarky comment, knowing it wouldn't do them any good. He decided that for today he would let things be. He would simply be with here and take care of her. "Come on, I've prepared you something to eat."

She followed him meekly into the kitchen. She didn't feel like eating but found he had prepared her a simple sandwich and knew she could eat that. She didn't know what to think of his behaviour. He acted as if their fight yesterday hadn't been that disastrous and she wondered what was going on. Was he fooling her on purpose? Was he playing with her? She hoped not because she couldn't take that. It would really break her. She felt a flutter of hope now and if he was going to crush it then she would truly be alone.

TBC...


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: **Time for Lizzie and Red to finally talk. They need to move forward now. Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy. To all who continue to hang in there with me, thank you! Also as a reminder, I started this fic I think almost two years ago. So all that is going on now was unknown to me. And even though times are rough, I still love this ship!

**Chapter forty-one **

He could hear the wheels turning and noticed how she kept biting her lower lip. He decided to put his cards on the table. "I can't keep picking up the pieces, Lizzie. I won't. I need a commitment from you just as much as you needed one from me. I've given you mine. I've always made it clear to you that I was all in. I put my heart on the line and it's not something I do easily. However it backfired because it seemed that while I put my cards on the table, you kept yours close to your heart. But I didn't mind because my end goal was to spend my life with you." He paused and saw the tears forming in her eyes.

"Was?" Lizzie whimpered. Was he telling her that it was over?

He covered her hand with his much bigger one. "And though that still is my end goal, I wonder if it's yours. You don't trust me. Or maybe on some level you do, but as soon as someone else comes to you saying things about me, you trust them. You lack faith in me and us." He chose his next words carefully. "I don't know what else to do to make you trust me. I don't think there is anything more that I can do. It's up to you now, Lizzie. It's up to you if we can make it through this."

She nodded her head, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away and held on to his hand but the tears kept coming. He was still here with her. He was still willing to give them a chance. It was up to her now though and it made her panic. Was she really going to be able to get him to stay? Did he really still want her? She took a deep breath to try to calm herself down, but it wasn't really working. The tears kept falling and her small body was shaking uncontrollable. The fact that he was giving them a second chance overwhelmed her.

Red realised he had to calm her down. His words had caught her off guard and she wasn't dealing with them as he thought he would. "Calm down, Elizabeth." He said.

"Why won't you call me Lizzie anymore?" Lizzie asked through the tears. "You keep calling me Elizabeth."

She looked at him with her big blue eyes filled with tears. There was no denying the pain he saw. "Why is it so important to you that I call you Lizzie?" He asked. He gently caressed her hand with his thumb.

"You've always called me, Lizzie." She said as she watched him caress her hand. "I want to be your Lizzie." She said softly. "I need you to care."

He tilted his head and watched her. "I've always cared. I've never stopped caring." His voice was low and thick with emotion. Seeing her like this, in tears, insecure and in pain tore at his heart. He wanted his Lizzie to be happy.

A tense silence filled the air. Red was unwilling to talk and Lizzie seemed unsure where to begin. Standing up she put her plate in the dishwasher and walked outside. Red let her walk outside and watched how Jethro followed her. He stayed inside. He wasn't going to follow her. It was up to her. He'd made that clear. Not knowing what else to do and thinking he had given her enough to think about he thought it was time to leave. Stepping outside he watched her sit on the porch. He was reluctant to leave her. Part of him was afraid she was going to drink again. But he couldn't stay with her, couldn't keep watching her. He had to trust her. "I'll be back tomorrow." He said to her. When she didn't react he stepped away, ready to take the few steps down the porch onto the beach. But then she started to talk.

"Tom made all the decisions. He always said all I had to do was be there. He never wanted me to show initiative. He took it all away. Which is why I don't know how to do this. I'm scared that my inability will chase you away. I can't lose you Raymond. I won't survive losing you." She ended in a mere whisper.

He was blown away by her admission. He recognized the value of her words. It gave him an insight into her and it explained quite a lot. It broke his heart too. The way she was sitting on the chair, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms around them and gently swaying made him want to go to her and comfort her. He did go to her, but didn't give in to the urge to wrap her in his arms. Instead he crouched down in front of her. He covered her hands with his. "You won't lose me, Lizzie." He promised her.

She grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers. "I need you in my life." She whispered.

They stayed like that for a moment before Red stood up and they lost contact. He stood back and looked at her. He needed to go now. Otherwise he would stay and he knew that was too much too soon. "I need to go home."

She looked up at him. "Will you come back?" She asked.

"I will."

She hesitated, not knowing if it was wise to ask her next question, but she did so eventually. "Are you going back to Angela?"

He nodded. "And Abby." He added.

"She called me you know." Lizzie looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Who did?"

"Abby." She looked at him again and saw his surprise. "She told me she missed me. I felt like I had let her down. I'm sorry." She apologised. "Tell her I said hi, okay?"

"I will. I'll see you tomorrow."

She watched him walk away and just before he was out of sight she called out his name. He turned and waited. Lizzie quickly ran up to him with Jethro of course closely behind. "Thank you." She whispered before she leaned up on her toes to give him a soft kiss goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow." She turned around and went back to her house feeling slightly better.

TBC...


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: **I had to think long and hard if I was going to finish this fic after the last episode. It hit me hard and I was insulted too. So I decided to put My Destiny and Her Person on hold indefinitely. But this one, this one is special to me and I thought after so many chapters with readers taking the time to review and follow I couldn't leave this one be. So there for, after a long while, there is an update. I hope you will hang in there with me. In this chapter Liz and Red slowly try to find each other again.

**Chapter forty-two **

She woke up in the middle of the night. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest and she quickly turned on the light. Since last week her nightmares were back and they were all about Red disappearing again. She immediately grabbed her phone and dialled his number.

"Hello?" Red's voice was even lower than usual because her call had woken him up.

"Red." Lizzie didn't even try to hide the panic in her voice.

"What's wrong, Lizzie?" Sitting up in his bed he ran a hand over his face trying to wake himself up.

"You were gone. You left." She rambled. The remnants of her dream jumbling her thoughts.

Red groaned. Lizzie wasn't making any sense. He didn't understand what she was talking about. He picked up his watch from the bedside table. It was 3 A.M. Why was she calling him in the middle of the night? "What's wrong?" He asked again.

Lizzie took a deep breath. She had to calm herself down. "I had a bad dream. You disappeared again." She paused for a moment. "I panicked. I'm sorry."

There was no need for her to apologise. Part of him wished he was there with her, that he could comfort her. But he knew for this to work out he had to give her space, make her come to him. He had to stay firm in his believe. "Are you okay now?"

"Yes." She sighed.

"Try to go back to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere." He reassured her.

"Okay." She stayed silent.

"Goodnight, Lizzie." He said his goodbye.

"Night, Red." Hanging up the phone she felt a bit better but couldn't shake the yearning to have him with her. To rest in his strong arms that made her feel safe.

It was the beginning of the evening the next day when Red walked up to Lizzie's house again. Abby had kept asking him about Lizzie and somewhat reluctant he admitted he'd gone to see Lizzie. Abby had immediately asked him when she could see her aunt Lizzie again. He'd had to disappoint her. He didn't want Abby to see Lizzie until she was doing better and they were more secure in their relationship. He didn't want his niece to experience the disappointment of not having Lizzie in her life again. His little niece deserved nothing but happiness. He knocked on the door but just like yesterday no one opened it. This time he didn't hear Jethro either which probably meant Lizzie wasn't at home. He looked out onto the beach. She was probably taking a walk with Jethro. It was a good ten minutes later he found her lying on her back on the beach with Jethro lying next to her, his head on her stomach. He took a moment to look at her. She seemed relax which was a lot better than the state he'd found her in yesterday. He knew they had a long road ahead of them and part of him wanted to accelerate the process but knew he couldn't. That would backfire on them. But he wanted to go back to before their fight, he wanted the closeness back. He yearned to start and end his day with her. The short time they'd had together had showed him that with her he was home. He belonged to her, just as she belonged to him. Without her he was incomplete. Loving her was a blessing and a curse all at once and though it kept him up at nights, he wouldn't want it any other way.

It was Jethro who spotted him first. The dog lifted his head from his stomach immediately jumped up and ran towards him his tail wagging wildly. "Hey boy." Red greeted the dog and couldn't help but smile. Standing up he looked at Lizzie who was now sitting on the sand and was looking at him with a hesitant smile.

"Hey." She greeted him softly. She was thrilled to see him again but she felt embarrassed too. She was afraid her phone call made it too obvious how much she needed him. She wanted him to know that she could be strong without him too.

Red saw her hesitance and approached her slowly. He sat down next to her and leaned back on his hands. "Nice evening." He started casually.

"Yeah." Lizzie agreed.

Together they looked out to the water. The sounds of the waves and some distant birds the only thing they heard. Both were silent for a while. Maybe it was a good thing that they could sit in silence, Lizzie thought. To be at ease with each other in silence was a good thing, but she knew they weren't really at easy. To be more precise she wasn't at ease.

He could hear the wheels turning and he wondered how long it would take for Lizzie to talk. Unlike before he wasn't going to help her. For the time being she was going to have to take every first step. It wasn't easy for him to see her struggle, but he had to do this. For her sake and his own.

"I'm glad you're here." She ended the silence. "I missed you." It surprised her how easy it was to admit that to him.

Her words warmed his heart. Despite what he felt for her, how strong his feelings for her were, he needed confirmation from her. He needed to know she needed him as much as he needed her. He needed her to come for him. He was glad that she was taking those steps, small as they may be.

"I'm sorry about the midnight phone call. The dream was so real. When I woke up I didn't know what was real. I panicked and called you. I needed to know you were still there."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Next time I won't call. I promise. I don't want to bother you." Lizzie stood up and took a few steps towards the water. Jethro was immediately on his feet again and followed her. "I can deal with it on my own."

Red shook his head. There was no need for this. "You're not alone. I'm here. You can always call me." He watched her walk towards the water.

She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. She longed for his comforting touch, longed to be safe in his arms but he was holding himself back. She understood. She'd hurt him, but this hurt her too. He brought comfort to her soul. Her body yearned for his. It was clear that for now she had to settle for his comforting words.

TBC...


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: **Here's another chapter. Sorry for the delay. Got occupied with other stuff. Thank you for all the kind words and reviews. We Lizzington shippers sure have it rough. Still love the ship though. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I promise. Better times are coming.

**Chapter forty-three **

Lizzie returned back to the spot she'd previously occupied on the beach. She lay down on the sand and looked up into the sky again. "My life has been a rollercoaster ever since you disappeared. I guess I wasn't doing well before you left. I'd just divorced Tom and I think I never dealt with it at all. I focused solely on my job. You became my life line in a way."

She had his full attention. She seemed to be opening up to him and it surprised him. Usually he had to push her. He kept looking out over the water and Lizzie kept looking up into the sky. It was strange in a bit. This was a big moment in their relationship and yet they weren't looking at each other. But sometimes the most personal conversations were easier to have without having to look each other in the eyes.

"And then you died and my world crashed. It was too much to deal with and I think just like my divorce, I didn't really deal with your death either. This time I had nothing to focus on though. I didn't want to work anymore. I didn't want anyone in my life. I closed myself off from everything and everyone. I became a stranger. I think I'm still a stranger."

She glanced at him for a moment. She knew he was listening, but he kept staring in front of him. "I keep expecting you to disappear again. I know you won't but it's as if my mind keeps telling me to expect it, to protect myself, to avoid that pain." She looked back up into the sky again. She felt a lone tear falling down her cheek. "But my heart betrays me. My heart tells me to trust, to love, to commit. The conflicting feelings, the constant fight within me, it keeps me off balance."

Red turned his head and looked at her. She had her eyes closed and he saw her cheeks were wet. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn't. She needed this, he needed this. He couldn't interfere. This was part of the process she had to go through. He lay down next to her and just like her he watched the sky above them.

"If I let you in completely, trust you completely, put my heart on the line, I am afraid of losing myself. I don't trust my own feelings, Red. I can't because look at what happened with Tom." She swallowed thickly. "I loved Tom. I believed in our relationship. I believed in for better or worse, in sickness and health till death do us part. I believed it all. And look at how that ended. It was all a lie. I was left alone again." She took a deep breath to try to calm herself down. She moved her hand towards him, but left it in between them. She wanted his touch, but she wasn't sure if he would be willing.

Without a word though Red put his hand on top of hers and squeezed lightly. Her words were powerful, but most of all he was thankful for her honesty. Finally he was truly getting an insight in her state of mind and it pained him. Her pain hurt him. He did wonder if he could help her. Maybe she needed professional help. Standing back up he looked down at her. "I'm not sure if I can help you." He started. He wanted her to heal and didn't want to be the one to hold her back. Maybe it was better if she got professional help first and then they could start healing together.

He scared her. She was afraid he was going to walk away from her, that he was going to leave her alone. She was opening up to him and now he was leaving. She quickly jumped up. She had to find a way to keep him with her. He couldn't leave. She couldn't help that. Her breath was starting to come in short bursts. "No, Red." She said. "You can't leave." She whispered more to herself than him. She panicked. She went on instinct and threw herself in his arms, making him stumble backwards and put his arms around her for balance. Before he could utter a word her lips were on him. Hard and uncontrolled she kissed him, demanding entrance immediately. Her hands were on his shirt, already trying to open the buttons.

Surprised by her action his first reaction was to kiss her back which he did, but he quickly realised his mistake. He didn't quite understand what had gotten into her. She was frantic, her kisses were frantic. He tried to push her back, tried to end the kiss but she kept had a tight grip on his shirt. She kissed him hard, bit his lip and grunted when her fingers were unable to open his shirt. "No, Lizzie." Red said roughly. He tried again to push her away, this time with more force.

"I'll give you what you want." Lizzie said as she kissed his neck. "Don't leave." Giving up on working on his shirt buttons she took the hem of her shirt in her hand to pull it over her head.

"No, Lizzie!" Red said again. Seeing what she was about to do he grabbed her hands in his and pushed her away. "Don't do this." He said. His voice betrayed how much her kisses had affected him. He wanted her, but not like this.

"You don't want me." She straightened her shirt. She felt ashamed. She thought that this was what she wanted. "You don't want this." He was rejecting her. She turned away, called out to Jethro to follow her which he did. "I'm sorry."

He needed a moment to recovery, a moment to collect his thoughts which were all jumbled because of her kiss. What the hell had just happened? He replayed the event and then it clicked. He realised too late what was going on because she'd already walked away. He shook his head. He was angry with himself. Angry at his lack of composure. He should have stopped her, but his body had betrayed him. He'd given into her kiss and then he'd pushed her away. She thought he'd rejected her. But what was worse of all she thought he would only stay if she gave herself to him. He shook his head and got angry. What the hell had happened to her that made her do this? What the hell made her think that this was any sort of solution at all? Realising his anger was getting the best of him he took a few calming breath. He looked up. Lizzie was almost out of sight already. He had to get to her, had to prevent this from escalating.

TBC..


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: **Finally chapter forty-four and finally Red and Lizzie take a step in the right direction. Or better said, Lizzie finally does. For those who keep hanging in there with me, thank you so much!

**Chapter forty-four**

He was fuming but he had a way to somehow control his anger. He stormed into Lizzie's house and when he didn't find her in the living room he walked into her bedroom. He ignored the closed door and just barged in. He found her sitting on the edge of her bed, her head in her hand, her body shaking slightly.

"Go away" She turned her back towards him.

"No, Elizabeth. No. It's my turn now." The little bit of control he had was already gone. "I'm done with this, Elizabeth. I'm done with you running away, not giving me a chance to explain myself and in general your urge to walk away every time you reach a rough patch. What have I done that made you distrust me? Have I not told you that I was all in, that I love you, that my heart is in your hand? Clearly it holds no value for you. Clearly no matter what I do, you jump to your own conclusions." He was pacing in her bedroom now. She wasn't looking at him, but he knew he had her full attention. "Now I don't know what happened in your marriage with Tom, but you throwing yourself at me is not how we do things in this relationship. We talk, we trust, we love. That is of course if whatever this is can be called a relationship. I'm beginning to doubt that. Do I want you, yes, with every fibre of my being, but not like this. Not like this." He said again. He sighed and looked out her bedroom window. "I'm tired, Lizzie, tired of being the only one fighting for us." He turned around, crouched down in front of her and put his hands on her knees. "Look at me." He urged her. When she did he saw the pain in her bright blue eyes. They held such sorrow, such grief. "I can't keep doing this. I need for this to be a two way street. I can be strong for you, but I need you to be strong for me too. I need to lean on you too, just like you lean on me." On his way back up he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Time for me to go home. I won't be here tomorrow. Use that time to think of us and what you want. Next time we see each other I need a promise, Lizzie. I need the promise of us." He ignored his need to hold her in his arms and comfort her. It was difficult but without looking back he walked out of her bedroom and out of her home.

Lizzie spent the following day without him thinking about her life. She thought about her past and her present. She thought about love, her marriage and her father. She reminisced on her time with Red ever since his return. When she closed her eyes she saw his face, his loving eyes and she felt his tender touch. Though there was still so much going on inside her she knew one thing for sure, she loved Raymond Reddington and he needed to know that. She needed to tell him. She knew she had to go to him. She shouldn't let him come to her yet again. It was time that she took control of her life and let Red know she could hold her own. Going to his house meant facing Angela and though she rather avoid that, she knew she had too. And so it was that she was on her way to Red. She was nervous and as she parked the car in front of the house she had to take a few calming breaths. She slowly walked towards the front door. Her pace wasn't steady but she got there. With a trembling hand she rang the bell. It didn't take long for the door to open and the person who opened brought a smile to her face.

"Aunt Lizzie!" Abby threw her arms around Lizzie's waist "I missed you."

She hugged Abby back. "I missed you too sweetie."

Abby grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the house. "Look who's here, mommy." Abby yelled.

Angela appeared around the corner and both women looked at each other. In a way it was a stand off. Both women waiting for the other to speak. It was Lizzie who spoke first. "Angela. Nice to see you again." She nodded at the woman.

"Elizabeth." Angela gestured into the living room. "Welcome. Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you." She looked around. "I'm looking for Red."

"He's not here."

"Uncle Ray's gone to visit daddy." Abby chimed in. "He talks to daddy." She looked up at the aunt Lizzie. "He's sad and alone. Maybe you can hug him. I don't like it when uncle Ray's sad."

"Can you tell me where it is?" Lizzie asked Angela politely.

Angela gave the address without any objection. Lizzie said her goodbye, Abby hugging her once more before she left. She drove to the graveyard and realised she'd forgotten to ask where Red would be. She'd find him eventually. She parked the car and got out. Standing here, looking over at the different graves she couldn't help but think back at her father's funeral. She swallowed thickly and bowed her head. She missed her father. She shook her head. She wasn't here to grief for her father. She was here for Red. She looked around and spotted a lone figure in the distance. Looking further around she didn't spot anyone else. She guessed that lone figure was her Red. She took her time walking up to him and the closer she got, she knew for certain she had found him. She stopped a respectable distance behind him and contemplated her next move. She stepped up to him, standing slightly behind him and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him and let him know she was there. He didn't acknowledge her presence, but she knew he was aware of it.

He went to visit Jarod's grave when he felt troubled or alone. When he was here at his grave he felt his brother's presence and strangely enough talking to him was something he needed. Especially after his fight with Lizzie. He wished Jarod had had the chance to meet Lizzie. They would have gotten along. Her hand on his shoulder felt good. He hadn't brought her to the grave before, but he was glad she was here. He crouched down and put his hand on the grave. He looked up at Lizzie for the first time, took her hand and pulled her down. He squeezed her hand before letting go. "I miss him." He said after another moment of silence.

TBC...


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: **Finally the next chapter and finally Red and Lizzie are back on track again. No more angst again. Thanks for all those who reviewed! Despite everything I still love this ship.

**Chapter forty-five **

"I feel guilty." Red admitted. He was glad Lizzie was here with him. He wanted to share this with her, wanted to share his grief. He still mourned his brother's death.

"About what?" Lizzie turned her body towards him.

"About being here. He should be here taking care of his two girls." Slowly he stood back up, taking Lizzie with him. "I should have done something. Should have helped him."

"How? What could you have done? He was sick. There was nothing you could have done." Lizzie paused a moment and looked away to find the right words. "You did the most important thing you could do, Raymond."

He looked at her, his head tilted to the side, wondering what she was going to say.

"You were there for him when he needed you the most. You brought him comfort, reassurance and gave him peace of mind. And you're doing the most important thing of all, taking caring of his two girls."

He contemplated her words and knew she was right. "Thank you." He whispered before pulling her into him and wrapping his arms around her. "How did you know where to find me?" He asked after releasing her again.

"Angela and Abby told me. Abby told me you go here when you're sad. Told me to hug you but you already did that." Lizzie smiled. "I used to visit my father's grave too. I haven't been in a while though. In a strange way being at his grave brought me comfort. As if I could still ask him for advice." She looked at the grave. "It's part of my way to let him know that I still think of him. It's been too long since I've visited his grave. Ever since I've moved here I haven't been there."

"We'll go visit him." Red took her hand in his and squeezed softly. "We'll go away for a few days."

"What about Jethro?" She asked.

"We'll make it a road trip."

In silence they stood at the grave. Now with Lizzie at his side he felt less sad. Even though they'd only been apart for one day, he'd missed her terrible. He knew they needed that day away from each other, but part of him had been scared. Because no matter how much faith he had in them, Lizzie had the ability to surprise him.

It was Lizzie who broke the silence. "How about we go to your house, grab you a bag and then go to my home?"

Red didn't say anything, nodded and raised an eyebrow. What did she have in mind?

She pulled on his hand and led them towards their cars, Red a step behind her. At the cars she stopped and turned towards him again. She took his other hand in hers too. "I want you by my side. Each and every day, Raymond. I want you to be the last person I see before I fall a sleep and I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up. I want you Raymond Reddington." She finished with a big smile on her face. It felt good to say the words, but even more so it was good to see how her words affected him. The troubled look in his eyes was now gone. In its place there was joy and love.

"I want that too, Lizzie." He whispered before he pulled her into his warm embrace again. "Thank you." He kissed her hair before he let her go. "Let's go, okay?"

It was more than thirty minutes later that Red and Lizzie arrived at Lizzie's home. Hand in hand they walked to the house. There was still more than enough to talk about, but the most important decision had been made by Lizzie and it was as if a weight had been lifted off of both their shoulders. Without really talking about it they both knew they needed to get comfortable with each other again. When they got their closeness back, the words would follow. Stepping inside Red and Lizzie were greeted enthusiastically by Jethro. Lizzie told Red she would take Jethro out for a short walk and for him to put away his belongings. When she returned from her walk she found Red relaxing on the porch. It was a beautiful and warm day. He smiled warmly at her when she stepped onto the porch.

"Good walk?" He asked, petting Jethro who'd immediately walked up to him.

"Yeah." After putting Jethro's leash away and giving him a treat, Lizzie was about to sit next to Red when he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him onto his lap.

He smiled at her surprise. He pulled her against his chest and felt her relax when she put her head on his shoulder. She kissed his neck and let out a content sigh. Red reciprocated the gesture and kissed her forehead. "Wanna go swimming later?" He asked her.

"You just want to see me in my bathing suit again." She teased him.

"Of course." With a finger under her chin he lifted her head, making her look at him. He lowered his head until his lips touched her. He kissed her gently, almost reverently as if he was afraid this wasn't real. It was, just like the day they were having, a promise and a reassurance at once.

When he ended the kiss, Lizzie settled back against his chest. He made her feel so cherished, so loved and she wished she hadn't wasted so much time. She took hold of his hand lifted it to her lips. She kissed his knuckles. She held his left hand in hers and touched his ring finger. Would there in time be a ring there? Would they become Mr. and Mrs. Reddington? She felt Red run his hand over hair and kiss her hair again.

Jethro interrupted their moment by nudging Lizzie's side with his wet nose. When she didn't react Jethro put his big paws on Red's leg so he could reach Lizzie's face. He licked her cheek and wagged his tail. Lizzie laughed. "What is it sweetie?" She grabbed his big head and scratched him behind his ears. Jethro barked, jumped back on the ground and disappeared for a minute. He returned with a tennis ball between his teeth. He wanted to play. Reluctantly Lizzie stood up, leaving Red's warm embrace. She held out her hand to him and pulled him up. "How about you go change and I'll play with Jethro for a moment."

"Mmm… need I worry about your priorities?" Red teased.

"I need to divide my attention between my two sweeties."

"Okay, okay. I can't argue with that." As he passed her he let his hand linger on her side. "Don't take too long tough. We need to go swimming."

"Need?" She asked, watching him walk away.

"Yes, need. You wouldn't want me to have brought my swim shorts with me for nothing, now would you?"

"Of course not, Red. Of course not." She said to his departing form. She smiled. She felt so much better with him by her side.

TBC...


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: **Finally here's the next chapter. Lizzie and Red get closer. Yes all this Red in the water is for my own good because I would like to see Spader in swimming shorts and in the water. So this is closest I'll get. Thanks again to all who keep reading. I really appreciate it. Also we're coming to an end of this one...

**Chapter forty-six **

Red was already on the beach looking out onto the water, sitting on two big towels. The sun was nice and warm. He'd been feeling miserable yesterday; as if his body and soul were already dealing with the loss of his Lizzie. He'd hoped she'd come to him and tell him she was ready to start their future together, but he hadn't been sure she would.

She'd come to him though and she'd told him she wanted to spend her life with him.

He was brought out of his reverie by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and looked into the smiling face of his girl. She was wearing a sun hat, her sunglasses and when she walked around him he saw she wore the thin white sundress again. What he loved seeing most was her big bright smile.

"Where's Jethro?" He asked, looking around for the dog.

"Well." Lizzie began while sitting down next to him. "I remember you saying you didn't want an audience the next time we went swimming."

"Mmm…, that is true."

Lizzie sat close to him, leaning her shoulder against his. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her fully against his side and kissed her hair. She pushed her body against him until he lay down on his back. She ran her hand over his still shirt clad chest and breathed a content sigh. Softly Red ran his hand up and down her back.

"I'm glad you're here." Lizzie whispered.

"Me too."

Leaning on her elbow to look at him she returned his soft smile before she brushed his lips with hers. Her lips lingered and she felt his smile against her lips. She kissed him sweetly again before laying her head back on his chest.

"Don't feel like swimming?" Red asked her.

"I do, but I like this too."

"The sun is warm though so why don't you let me put some sun screen on you. I don't want you to get sunburn."

"I'm still wearing my dress." She teased. "I don't need any sun screen yet."

"Better be safe than sorry."

Sitting up Lizzie looked down at him. "Is this for my benefit or yours?"

"I always put you first." Red grinned and sat up. "However sometimes things can be beneficial for both parties."

"Sure thing, Red." Standing up Lizzie removed the light summer dress and her sunglasses. She grabbed the sunscreen, handed him the bottle and turned her back towards him.

Red took his time rubbing the sunscreen on Lizzie's back, making sure he didn't miss a spot. Her fair skin was beautiful. Finished with her back, he turned her around and looked her up and down. "Here you go." He handed her the bottle and took a step back. She was far too enticing and he took a lot of his willpower to not devour her on the spot.

She smiled knowingly at him and rubbed the lotion on her skin. She threw the bottle at him. "I'll be waiting in the water." She said as she sauntered towards the water.

"You're not going to help? What about my back?" He called to her.

"I'm sure you can manage."

A good five minutes later Red joined Lizzie in the water. He couldn't see her though, but he wasn't worried. Lizzie was a good swimmer. Getting deeper into the water, he still didn't spot her. He looked around while swimming slowly. From behind him and unnoticed by Red, Lizzie swam under water towards him. When she reached him, she shot up from the water, put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him under.

Above water again Red delighted in Lizzie's laughter and her big smile. "You shouldn't have done that." He said threatening her and swam towards her.

"Really?" She teased, swimming a bit backwards.

Red ducked under water and within a few powerful strokes he reached her. He surged up, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest. "It's good to hear you laughing."

She wrapped her arms around Red's neck and smiled at him. "It's good to be together again." She kissed his cheek softly before letting go.

He watched her swim away. For the first time in a while he was finally seeing a glimpse of his Lizzie. She was returning to him. She was healing. He was happy to see her improving and he was thrilled to realise they were going to start a life together. She was his second chance, his chance of true happiness.

After swimming, chasing and teasing each other they were back on the beach again. Red was lying on his back with Lizzie against his side, her head on his shoulder.

"I remember being here with my dad. I don't remember how old I was anymore. There was this big thunderstorm. I never liked thunderstorms, I still don't. They scare me. We just came back from a walk on the beach. The sky turned black in a few seconds. We got inside just in time. Immediately it started poring and the electricity went out. Dad was finding candles so he left me alone for a while. I was so scared. All I could see was the lightning and the thunder. Then he came back and took me into the living room. He'd lit candles, but best of all he'd made a tent with some sheets, put pillows in the tent and he started to tell this story about a princess. He made an adventure of it and I forgot about the storm. Despite hating thunderstorms, it is one of my fondest memories of my dad." Sharing this memory with him was nice, but it saddened her too. It emphasized what and who was missing in her life. She sniffed and felt Red's arm tighten around her.

Though she couldn't see it, the fact that Lizzie shared such a memory with him, touched him deeply. He swallowed thickly. "Sam loved you very much, Lizzie." He said, his voice thick with emotion.

Leaning up on her elbow she looked down at him. With her finger she traced his jaw to his lips where her finger lingered. "Why won't you call me sweetheart anymore?" She asked, but avoided his eyes.

Her question surprised him. He hadn't even realised he hadn't called her sweetheart. Before he could react though she continued. She, yet again, surprised him.

"Is it because you're still mad at me?" Sitting up right she crossed her legs, her body turned towards him. "I like it when you call me sweetheart." She looked away from him for a moment, feeling shy and a bit embarrassed.

Mirroring her position, Red sat up to. With his finger under her chin he made her look at him. The fact that she was asking him now why he was or wasn't doing something made it clear she was really committed to them. "I didn't know I hadn't called you that. It's not a conscious decision. I'm not mad at you."

"Okay." She nodded, giving him a small smile.

"I love calling you sweetheart. You, my love, are my everything." Red whispered, his voice a bit lower than normal. He cupped her jaw and leaned in until his lips touched hers. The kiss was slow, sensual and powerful. When he ended it, both were breathless. "Come here." Red put his hand on her waist and guided her towards him again. "Let's enjoy the sun some more."

TBC...


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: And here we are with the next chapter. Almost finished with this one. Two more chapters to go. I hope you are still hanging in there.

**Chapter forty-seven **

Just as they were about to sit down for dinner, Red's phone started ringing. He answered it quickly, but didn't walk away from Lizzie who was putting the salad bowl on the table. He smiled when he heard his niece's excited voice. He put the phone down and turned on the speaker.

"Hi sweetie. I put you on speaker. Aunt Lizzie is here too." He smiled at his girl.

"Hi Abby." Lizzie greeted her. Before sitting down at the table she put her hand briefly on Red's shoulder.

"Aunt Lizzie, when can I come play with Jethro again?"

Lizzie looked at Red. It was his decision to make. "How about Aunt Lizzie and I come pick you up at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah." The little girl cheered. "What about Jethro?"

"You can play with him tomorrow too. Tell me what you did today, Abby." Red asked his niece.

Abby told her aunt and uncle all about her day at school. She ended though with a question for her uncle. "You're not sad anymore uncle Ray?"

He smiled at his niece even if she couldn't see it. "No, I'm not."

"And aunt Lizzie is not making you sad?"

Hearing those words made Lizzie want to give Red a moment for a private talk with his niece. Red grabbed her hand though and pulled her back. ""No. Aunt Lizzie makes me happy."

"Really?"

"Yes, Abby."

"Aunt Lizzie?" Abby apparently still wasn't convinced. "You promise not to make uncle Ray sad?"

"I promise, sweetie."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

Both Lizzie and Red laughed at the fact that Abby had ended the call without waiting for a goodbye. "Come, let's eat." He didn't want Lizzie to linger on Abby's words.

They ate and talked about nothing special. It was Lizzie though who had something on her mind. She was hesitant about her question. It was a big question especially considering their fragile relationship.

Red, who was very much in tune with Lizzie, knew something was on her mind. He finished his meal and waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts.

"Would you ever consider having kids?" She asked him, her voice small, tentative even.

He was surprised. He hadn't expected this question. He thought they would have this talk some time further in the future. He shook his head. His Lizzie wasn't predictable and he should know that by now. Should have calculated that in already.

Lizzie, who same him shake his head, made the wrong conclusion. "Oow." She said. She'd hoped he would like to have children with her. She'd always wanted children and more importantly she wanted his children.

Red, who realised his mistake, quickly placed his hand on hers on the table. "Yes, Lizzie. I would."

"Really?"

"Yes. I want us to be a family. I want to see you carry our child and see miniature versions of you run around our home." His voice was warm and filled with love. "That's my dream for us."

She smiled at him, a bright smile that showed her relieve and happiness at his words. "Me too." Reassured she grabbed the plates and started to clean up. She had something else on her mind. Something she'd wanted to know for a while now. It was the event that was at the centre of it all.

Together they cleaned the table and the kitchen. With a cup of tea in hand they settled on the couch. Jethro had found his spot on his rug near the fire place. He was snoring softly. "He's got a hard life." Red commented on the dog.

"Yeah, he sure does." She took her hand in his and linked their fingers. "Can you tell me why you did what you did?" She finally asked the question she'd wanted to ask ever since his return.

He squeezed her hand, acknowledging her question, but needing a moment to collect his thoughts. "There was a price on your head. I knew they were closing in on you and knew it was to get to me. It was my fault. To my enemies my weakness had always been a mystery, but they'd found it, because they'd found you. To ensure your safety I had to fake my death."

"You didn't tell Dembe?"

He shook his head. "I couldn't. If too many people knew, your life would still be in danger."

"No one knew?"

"Mr. Kaplan was the only one. I needed her help. We planned it carefully." He placed his cup of tea on the table. He wasn't going to give her the details. "After that shooting I escaped to find the people who threatened you. It wasn't easy. I got misled, but I knew Mr. Kaplan would find their employer, the one who 'd put a price tag on you." He worked his jaw. He still wanted to protect Lizzie from this ugly side that was part of him. The part of him that would kill anybody that would hurt her. "They captured me. Put me in some hell hole and tortured me."

Lizzie grabbed hold of his hand again after he'd let her go. She didn't want him to distance himself from her. "Your scars." She said referring to the scars on his back.

"Yes." He swallowed thickly. "They thought I would eventually cave in and tell them where you were. I couldn't let that happen. I'd rather die then know you got hurt because of me." His voice faltered. He squeezed her hand before letting go again. Standing up he stepped away. "I'd accepted my final day had come. I had faith in Mr. Kaplan, knowing she would finish the job before anyone could get to you. I thought of you. I remembered the times we shared together. Mourned for a life we never got the chance to live. But I had peace of mind. I'd gotten the chance to be a part of your life, however short it was. I'd gotten more than I could ever wish for and the knowledge that you would be safe and would have a chance of a future in any shape or form you wished was enough for me." Tears that he refused to let go filled his eyes. He'd have easily accepted his own death for her.

TBC...


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter. I always liked the poem from Sex and the City and for these two if felt right to use it so I did. Currently writing the last chapter. Just two more chapters to go. Thanks again to all who keep liking this fic. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Chapter forty-eight **

Not much had been spoken ever since Red had told her his story. He'd felt exposed and vulnerable and that wasn't something that came easy to him. Lizzie recognized his feelings and let him be. Though they were finally getting closer, it was obvious there were still demons to deal with on both sides.

It was late that evening when Red walked outside to find his Lizzie sitting on the steps. He admired her beautiful form with the scenery of the sunset behind her. He sighed in content. Despite all the hardship, the long road travelled, he knew that this was where he belonged. This, her, she was home. He knew there would never be anyone else.

In his hand he held a small rectangular box. He'd seen this when Lizzie had been away and without really knowing if he would see her again, he'd bought it. It felt right to give it to her now. For all intent and purposes he knew what this implied and he didn't mind at all. After all his heart was spoken for and the selfish part of him wanted other men to see that she was taken.

He saw Jethro lifting his head, acknowledging his presence but apparently the dog was too comfortable at his boss' side to move. He returned Lizzie's smile when she looked over her shoulder at him.

"Come on, let's take a walk." He held out his hand for her and helped her up. Easily their fingers entwined and in a comfortable silence they walked along the beach with Jethro following them.

"I never expected us to be here." Lizzie started. "For so long it was difficult to get out of bed. I often wished it had been me and not you and that it was life's cruel way of punishing me for my failures. I started to believe I deserved it. Drinking was the only thing that helped. I knew I was going downhill and somehow I got into some sort of routine again and it helped me. I was still depressed but I was getting out of the house again. Getting Jethro was the best thing I did. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be now."

"I'm glad you have him."

"Yeah." She stopped walking and turned to him. Without hesitation she wrapped her arms around his waist and cuddled close to him. "I am so happy that you're here with me."

"Me too." He whispered, kissing her forehead softly. He was thrilled that she was seeking him out, wanting and maybe even needing to feel his touch.

"I know I haven't made things easy for you. I know I still got some way to go, but I wouldn't be here or wouldn't get there without you by my side. You give me strength every day." She turned around in his arms, her back against his chest now. She smiled as he nuzzled her neck. "After Tom I lost faith in love. I thought I was naïve thinking soul mates existed."

"You're not naïve, Lizzie. There is nothing wrong with believing in true love, in soul mates."

She shrugged. "Maybe." She waited for a moment, enjoying how his arms tightened around her. "Do you believe it?"

"What, true love? Soul mates?" The way the conversation was going suited him just fine. In fact it was perfect. He felt her nod and continued. "I do."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Simple, I feel it." He stared over the sea. "I feel a sense of belonging, of coming home every time I am near you. My heart skips a beat every time I see you or hear you. My heart, my mind, all of me loves all of you." Taking the small box out of his pocket he held it out in front of her.

"What's this?" She asked, her voice trembling.

"It's a promise, sweetheart."

"I…"

"Open it."

Carefully she opened the box. She gasped when she saw what was in it. Inside was a beautiful silver ring, a platinum band with engraving in it. "It's beautiful, Raymond."

"It's a claddagh ring. It symbolises friendship, loyalty and love." He whispered in her ear.

He took the ring from its box and with his hands on her waist he turned her towards him. Taking her left hand in his, he gentle slid the ring on her ring finger. "Ever mine, ever thine, ever ours." He softly said, as he played with the ring that was now on her finger. "I'll always be here sweetheart."

TBC...


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: **Okay the S4 final ruined it all for this ship and I hate it because I loved this ship and though I encourage people to keep writing and reading, I cannot write this ship anymore. I thought about abandoning this fic right away, but it seems unfair to those who were with me during this long road. This fic was always special to me and it is the longest fic I've ever written. So for the followers, the reviewers here are the final chapters of this fic. Thank you for hanging in there with me. Thank you for your follows and reviews. I am grateful for each and everyone.

**Chapter forty-nine **

The following day Red and Lizzie were waiting for Abby at her school. Abby was attending summer school due to the time she missed earlier that year. She didn't seem to mind. Abby enjoyed school.

"Aunt Lizzie." The little girl yelled and ran as fast as she could to the woman she'd considered her aunt.

Lizzie laughed at the enthusiasm. She crouched down and opened her arms. Abby immediately threw herself in Lizzie's arms. "I missed you." The girl wrapped her arms tightly around her aunt's neck.

"I missed you too, honey." Lizzie kissed her cheek and hugged her just as tight.

Red watched the two with a big smile on his face. He was always happy to see his niece smile, but seeing his Lizzie smile just as brightly at his niece, made him realise that all might end well. Something he hadn't dared to hope for.

"Uncle Ray?" Abby looked up from Lizzie's shoulder to look at her uncle.

"Yes?"

Abby gestured her uncle to come closer and he did. "Big hug." She smiled.

Red wrapped his arms about both girls. Abby kissed his cheek. "Hi sweetie." Red said softly. "Ready to go?" He asked after Lizzie had put Abby back on the ground again.

"Yeah." She grabbed his hand. "Can we go see Jethro?"

"Of course."

On the way back to Lizzie's house Abby talked all about her day at school. After parking the car, Lizzie opened the door for Abby, who immediately jumped out and ran to the door. "Jethro!" She yelled through the door and her answer was a loud bark.

"Slow down, Abby. Jethro's a big dog. He can get a bit wild. I don't want you to get hurt." Red warned his niece. He watched Abby and Lizzie walk into the house together. He felt happy again. He knew that with Lizzie he would finally have the life he'd longed for. Everything they'd gone through, it was all well worth it.

Later that day, after bringing Abby back home to her mother, Lizzie and Red were alone again. Sitting on the couch together, with Lizzie leaning against Red side, her head on his shoulder and Red's arm wrapped around her.

"I'm sorry I hurt Abby." She apologised. She'd once again had to promise the little girl she wouldn't make her uncle sad anymore. Abby had also told her she'd been afraid that Lizzie would never return again, reminding her of her promise to never leave. She should have known better. After the loss of her father, Abby would have a difficult time dealing with another loss. She'd also seen her uncle hurt and clearly that had made quite an impact too. Her fight with Red had caused more pain than just their own. She'd been selfish and had refused to consider what her departure would mean to others. She felt ashamed. "I never wanted to hurt her. She's such a terrific, resilient girl, but I know I scared her."

Red, who was listening intently, softly ran his hand through her hair. At a certain point that afternoon Lizzie and Abby had gone to the beach, leaving him alone at the house. After their return he'd immediately seen a sadness in Lizzie's eyes and it hadn't left her yet. He was glad though that he didn't have to ask her what had happened.

"I was selfish." She disentangled herself Red's arms and stood up. "I'm mad at myself for hurting her. I promised her, you know."

"Promised her what?" From the couch he watched Lizzie closely. Her shoulders were tense, her arms and hands moving nervously. Her head hung low causing her hair to fall in front of her face making it impossible for him to see her eyes.

"I promised her not to leave."

"When?"

"One of those days we spend on the beach." She turned her back to him. "I broke my promise. She's already gone through so much and here I am making promises I can't keep." She traced the mantelpiece with her fingers. "I'm a selfish person. I don't take other people into consideration. Not only did I hurt you, I hurt Abby too. Maybe you shouldn't have introduced me in her life."

"Maybe I shouldn't have." Red replied, seeing her turn around immediately. Her eyes wide that he agreed with her. "But if I hadn't, we wouldn't be here, Lizzie." He said before she could have interrupted him. "I knew when I introduced you to Abby she could get attached to you and you might only be in her life for a short time. But what I hoped for and what happened is that you two clearly hit it off. Abby adores you."

"She's such a wonderful little girl."

Red nodded. "She is." Standing up, Red walked to Lizzie and took her hand in his. He led her back to the couch and they sat back down again. "What did Abby say to you?"

"I had to promise her I wouldn't make you sad anymore."

"What else?"

"That you and I would never leave her. I think the thought terrifies her." Leaning her head against the back of the couch, Lizzie looked at the ceiling.

"I know it does. I had to promise her too that I would never leave her." He looked at her profile. He was sure something else was on her mind.

Abby had shared with her that she missed her uncle terribly when he wasn't with her. She'd told her she was afraid that when her uncle would forget about her when he was with Lizzie every day. That last thing she would ever want was to keep Abby away from her uncle. But she wanted to move forward with Red too. She did feel like what she wanted was less important then what Abby needed. She reached for Red's hand while she kept her eyes on the ceiling. "She misses you when you're not there. She's afraid that you will forget about her when you're here with me, especially when we spend a lot of time together."

"And you don't want to stand in the way of that." He concluded. He knew her well enough to know what worried her. He gently pulled on her hand until she was leaning against his side again. He wrapped his arm around her waist and slowly manoeuvred them to lay down on the couch. Lizzie snuggled against his side, her back against the couch. "What do you want to do?" He asked her while rubbing her back softly.

"I don't want to hurt her. But…" She hesitated.

"But what?" He asked when she stayed quiet for a moment.

"But I want a life with you." Lizzie pressed her forehead against his chest and wrapped her arm tightly around him.

He smiled even though she couldn't see it. He tightened his hold on her for a moment. He placed a soft kiss on her hair. "And I want a life with you. Abby will be okay. She will know that we will always be there for her no matter where we are."

TBC...


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: **And so this is it. The final chapter. At first I wanted an Epilogue too and part of it is written already, but I won't finish it. So it seems good to end it here. It's a happy ending of course. Thanks again to all who took the time to read this fic.

**Chapter fifty **

Lizzie and Red were slowly finding their way back to each other. They spent time together, talked, laughed and relaxed together. Red still spent time at Angela and Abby's home but also made sure he spent time with Lizzie. Some nights he spent at Lizzie's home, other nights he went back to his brother's house. Slowly but steadily they were growing closer. Lizzie noticed that she longed for him more and more and it surprised her. His presence calmed her and warmed her heart. She often touched the ring he'd given her and remembered his words, his promise. She realised she wanted more. She wanted all of him. Still she knew she had to make a promise too, knew he needed that. What she didn't know yet was how to do that exactly. What she did know was that she wanted him around every single day and night. She wanted them to live together. Maybe that could be her promise to him? And if that was her promise, could she really ask him that question?

Every evening he spent away from her, Red missed her. He considered himself an old fashioned man when it came to dating. He wanted to woo the woman her loved, wanted her to feel like she was the centre of his world. He and Lizzie seemed to have missed out on the wooing and dating bit. They'd dealt with the bigger issues first, declared their love already, yet hadn't even been on a proper date. Sometimes his deep love for her overwhelmed him. He was grateful that he had another chance at love. He knew she was the one for him. The one who completed him, the one whom he could be vulnerable with, the one who made him a better man. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Nothing was going to stop him from spending the rest of his life with her.

She wanted to thank Red for all he had done for her, for his patience as well as his love. She knew he needed a promise from her and she knew what she wanted. Red was spending his day with Abby and Angela but would return home for an evening with her. Home, that was exactly it. She wanted her house to become their home. It was what she was going to ask him. She had been preparing a romantic dinner for them and looking at the time she knew he could be there any moment now. She quickly went to the bathroom to check if she still looked okay. She was wearing her light blue summer dress which she knew he liked and her hair was slightly curly. She heard Jethro running to the back door which meant Red was home. Excited, but nervous she took a couple of deep breaths to relax. He knew her well enough to pick up on her nerves and she didn't want him to worry about her anymore.

Red entered Lizzie's house and smiled at Jethro who greeted him as enthusiastically as he always did'. "Hey, big guy." He greeted the dog and scratched him behind his ears which made the Big Dane lean his weight fully against his legs. He indulged him for a moment before pushing the dog gently away from him. "Let's go find our girl." Standing back up again he didn't have to look for to find her. She was looking at him from the entrance of the kitchen, her soft sweet smile making his heart skip a beat.

"Hi." To have him back with her again warmed her heart. He hadn't been gone long, but she just felt better when he was there with her. "I missed you." She had no trouble saying that anymore, knowing her words were safe with him.

With a few steps he was in front of her and gathered her in his strong arms. "I missed you too, sweetheart." He buried his face in her neck and breathed in her scent.

"Mmm…" Lizzie hummed her delight in being in his loving embrace. She kissed his neck softly before pulling back. Looking in his green eyes she saw nothing but love. Cupping his jaw she kissed him deeply and delighted in his groan.

With a final brush of his lips he reluctantly pulled back from her.

"How are Abby and Angela?" She asked him. She took his hand in hers and let him towards the table she had set for their romantic dinner.

"Good. Abby wanted me to say she was looking forward to our picnic. She's very excited, though I guess she's mostly excited about Jethro. She really loves that dog."

"Who wouldn't? He's the best." The dog in question barked loudly.

It was only then that Red noticed the table. There were candles lit and the table was set. "What's this?" He asked her.

"I made us dinner."

"And…" She'd cooked them dinner before but hadn't set such a romantic mood before. He was usually the one who planned their romantic evenings. It wasn't that Lizzie wasn't romantic, she was.

"I wanted to have a romantic dinner. It's my way to thank you." She shrugged as if her words didn't hold any meaning.

He saw she was a bit uncomfortable so instead of asking her what she was exactly thanking him for her he simple accepted it. She would tell him later. "You're welcome."

He pulled her a little towards him so he could kiss her lightly.

"Sit down." She mumbled against his lips.

"If you insist."

"I insist." She laughed. She pushed him away.

The dinner was delicious and Red made sure Lizzie knew how much he enjoyed it. Their conversation was light and happy. He kept touching her during the meal which wasn't something new and she didn't mind at all. After dessert she got nervous. She knew she had to tell him and it wasn't that she was afraid of what he would say. It was just really important for her to say it right. To really let him know how she felt about him. She turned somewhat quiet and started to clean the table.

He noticed the change in her immediately. Just like that she was nervous and he didn't understand why. He thought back on their conversation during dinner but was sure nothing strange had been said or that she'd reacted to something that had been said. Taking his plate he joined her in the kitchen. Though he knew by now that Lizzie would share her troubles with him and he didn't need to push anymore, he sometimes got a bit impatient. He took a moment to observe her, noticing how tense her shoulders were and how her hands slightly trembled. It had been quite a long time since he'd seen her like this. It really had him worried. Had something happened in his absence?

"What's wrong, Lizzie?"

Okay, this is it she thought to herself. "Will you move in with me?" She blurted out still with her back towards him.

"Sweetheart?" He'd heard her but didn't like that she had her back turned towards him.

She turned around slowly and looked him in the eyes. What she saw there gave her the strength to continue. "I want it all with you. I want to spend every day and night with you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children and watch them grow up. I want to grow old with you." She rushed her words. "I know I've made things tough on you and I haven't always been very forthcoming about how I feel for you. But I am so grateful you didn't give up on me. I love you with whole my heart. Move in with me, Raymond. Be with me forever"

He crushed her to him. "Yes, sweetheart. Yes to everything." He kissed her long, hard and deeply and it took both their breaths away. "I love you, my sweet Lizzie. I love you so much."

**The End **


End file.
